A Tribute to The Bullies of My Childhood

Alara Sage (00:09.76) Whoa. Alara Sage (00:24.47) Hello, hello, and welcome to another exciting and ecstatic episode of the Ecstatic Woman podcast, where we inspire and activate women in their power. Alara Sage (00:40.51) in their radiance, in their bliss, and in their authenticity. I'm your host, Alara Sage, the Ecstatic Life Mentor. I am the founder and the creator of Creator Consciousness, which is a Trinity teaching of embodiment, manifestation, and creative genius to teach you how to masterfully create your reality. I come here today. with perhaps a different version of a message. I come here today with a tribute, an honor, a gratitude to some bullies that I had as a kid. Alara Sage (01:28.95) When I was growing up, I was deeply connected to animals and I was deeply connected to nature. Alara Sage (01:38.402) When I went into middle school, which was sixth grade where I was, I all of a sudden felt like the world was passing me by. There were all these kids. And a lot of these kids seemed so much more advanced in their adultness. That's a word. Than I was. Alara Sage (01:58.734) I didn't really relate to them. And I kind of shrunk away a little bit. I had a couple of experiences in my middle school that caused me to shrink even more. But it was in my high school that I came across two bullies. And Alara Sage (02:22.19) Ahem! Alara Sage (02:25.474) And this episode is a tribute to them. I had my group of friends that I had had, you know, through middle school and many of them through elementary school, very close friends that I've had my whole life. These two older girls came in, we were freshmen and they were seniors and they infiltrated our group and decided that they hated me. I hadn't done anything to them. They hated me. And they used that hatred to push me out of the group. One of my other friends who didn't actually go to that school, I knew her through horses, was a cousin of one of these girls. And she would even ask her, why don't you like her? And she couldn't even answer. She's just like, I don't know, I just don't like her. They never had a reason for disliking me outside of just pure dislike and hate. Alara Sage (03:31.038) I've never been one to fight. I've always moved away from confrontation. I don't do that so much anymore, but I used to. And so I just moved out of my friends group, the friends that I always had. And honestly, I shut down. Alara Sage (03:56.326) I shut down because... Well the truth about bullies is that they only have power over you when you give them the power. and I was giving them the power. The reason that they were able to push me out of the group, the reason that they were able to cause me as much pain as they did is because I had already started to reject myself. Alara Sage (04:26.994) I had already started disliking myself. And so when they disliked me and started to reject me, I believed it. I believe that I must be worthy of rejection. Alara Sage (04:45.75) and I shrink. Alara Sage (04:49.386) I was already a very independent person, and that fueled my independence. I wouldn't say so much in a healthy manner, but I'm still grateful for it. I became radically independent. I hung out with people, usually those who had already graduated, who were older and no longer in school or who didn't go to my school. And at the age of 19, I left and I went traveling by myself. Alara Sage (05:21.066) All those years traveling by myself, I was very shut down. And in some ways, it might have kept me safe because I distanced myself from other people. and really didn't make space in my life for a lot of experiences in perhaps times where I could have caused myself unsafety. But it took me most of my life to start to love myself again. Alara Sage (05:59.702) At one point, one of the women reached out to me on Facebook. We didn't have Facebook when I was in high school. I think I was in my early 30s when she reached out. Early to mid 30s is what I'm hearing. And she said, I'm so sorry. I found God. I need to apologize to you. And it was part of her redemption. So I was like, sure. OK. But I hadn't really forgiven her because honestly, I hadn't really forgiven myself. Alara Sage (06:39.182) I wasn't really mad at her or the other girl. I did hold some resentment towards them. But I was really mad at myself. I was really disappointed in myself. Alara Sage (06:53.634) That self-betrayal is so painful. Alara Sage (07:01.007) And we do it more than we think we do it. humans are constantly betraying themselves. Alara Sage (07:14.338) and thus creating this distrust within themselves. Why should I trust myself? Why should I trust my intuition? Why should I trust my gut instinct? Why should I trust any of this when? I tend to betray myself. Alara Sage (07:34.506) I was more upset with myself for not speaking up, not standing up for myself. I just walked away. Alara Sage (07:50.666) me walking away, validated it for them. Alara Sage (08:03.95) So my healing through this process was not with them so much. As I mentioned, there was a little bit of resentment there. My healing was really with myself. Alara Sage (08:15.33) When I went down that path of that journey, a lot of the questions were, why didn't I speak up? That's where I found the belief that. I believed it. I believed that I was not worthy or that something was wrong with me. Perhaps I was a really horrible, disgusting person, and I just couldn't see it. I believed it. Alara Sage (08:49.55) And that hurts so deeply in my heart. Alara Sage (08:58.01) many years later. I would come to find out that I have the gene key of inadequacy. And so if you're not familiar with the gene keys, they're based off of your birth chart and they show lots of different aspects of yourself, but they throw show three parts to each aspect of yourself. And those three parts are shadow part that we do not see our gift and our acidic state, which are acidic state is our true self. It is our enlightened being. So my life's work is wisdom. And the shadow of that is inadequacy. Boy, have I journeyed. to the end of Earth, to the end of the universe and back with that word. Alara Sage (09:53.45) I've seen in so many different ways how I believed that inadequacy. Alara Sage (10:05.666) So in that belief that I was innately inadequate, well then of course people wouldn't like me. Why would they like me? I'm inadequate. They're right. Alara Sage (10:20.406) And then every time I believed that, every time I believed that shadow, every time I believed in my own inadequacy, I separated myself from my truth, from my power, from my authenticity. I shut down. Alara Sage (10:45.678) For many years, I found solace with the animals. For many years, I worked with animals after I was a scuba diving instructor, actually. So I was working with people for many, many years under the water where nobody talks. Under the water where there's silence. So there was a lot of talking before and after. And then I went into animals. back to animals actually, because I've always had them. I've always been with them. I used to, I grew up riding and training and showing horses. So it was a back to them. It was a journey back to them after traveling. And I... I went through so much healing with them. The horses just, oh my God, they healed me. And they showed me how to heal them. And they taught me so much. And it felt so safe. Because with them, there was never any inadequacy. They saw me. With them, I just felt safe. It felt safe to just be me. They didn't judge me. They didn't need me to be different. I just got to be me. So. I created businesses around the animals and it's just like, great, I have found my purpose in life. I'm set, I'm good, I'm solid. But oh no, that's not oftentimes how this life works because. Alara Sage (12:10.402) We're not here to live in comfort. We're here to expand. We're here to live our highest potential. Alara Sage (12:24.302) We're here to live boldly from our hearts. Alara Sage (12:32.49) And so one day my higher self came to me and said, Oh dear one, you're going to be working with people. And I was like, no, I'm not. Hi, yourself. Don't you remember how rejected I've been by people? Why would I do that? Why would I assist humans? Alara Sage (12:59.182) Perhaps you can feel in that statement right there. the resentment I still carried. Why would I assist humans? Alara Sage (13:14.594) But it wasn't up to me. I was devoted to living my highest potential, and therefore my animal communication sessions turned into people sessions. And before I knew it, I was working with people. And that was the next layer of my healing. Alara Sage (13:35.49) because I had to own the resentment that I held. If you really want to heal other people in a system from your heart, can't hold resentment. And I wasn't holding resentment towards my clients, obviously. But I was holding resentment towards humanity at large. and not feeling totally safe with humans. So working with humans invited me to step into that, invited me to see. where I was what? Still rejecting myself. Alara Sage (14:26.606) that challenging ever so difficult truth is. It's never about the other people in our lives. It's never about the others. Alara Sage (14:44.394) Humans love to blame, myself included. We love to blame, blame the government, blame the other people, blame your exes, blame your parents, blame whoever it is. Always have a finger on somebody to blame. Therefore, you don't have to take responsibility for your own life. Alara Sage (15:17.886) As long as I have somebody else to blame, well, that's their fault. But the truth is that is the most disempowering perspective that we can have. Because when we blame somebody else, we also give our power away to them. It's their fault and therefore they hold the power. Not true. As within, so without. As above, so below. Always and forever, my love. Always and forever. As within, so without. as within, so without. The rejection that I had experienced, honestly my entire life from humans had nothing to do with those other people. They were my reflection. They were my teachers. They were there to show me, look, you reject yourself. Let me show you how much you reject yourself through me rejecting you. That's what other people do to us. for us. That's what other people do for us. They reflect back to us. Alara Sage (16:25.682) our own inner belief structures. Alara Sage (16:32.386) And as I started to see this, I started to really grasp. wisdom, the golden nugget. that experience with those girls back in high school. Why did they hate me? Because I hated myself. They couldn't even put their finger on it. They just felt it. Alara Sage (16:57.902) And they were put in my life for that reason. Alara Sage (17:04.526) It's hard to believe. It's hard to understand, but that is one of the highest expressions of love that another soul can do for you is to reject you, is to hate you, is to betray you. Because on a soul level, where only love exists, we don't desire to treat each other like that. We only create it here on earth as humans to learn. to grow. to experience our inner workings, our inner beliefs, through the reflection of our outer reality. Alara Sage (18:06.146) So when I saw that... All the resentment towards them left instantly. Alara Sage (18:17.114) and I was left with the resentment I held towards myself. And that hurt a lot more. Alara Sage (18:29.462) That was so painful when I really found it in my body. Wow. Self-rejection is so painful because we have us. Who do we have? We have ourselves. Who do we have? Always and forever in this entire life, who will never abandon us? Ourself and God. Source. guaranteed you cannot fully abandon yourself. You can abandon yourself in this context that we speak of here. But you're always there, whether you like it or not. Alara Sage (19:11.562) So what it creates is this pushing away of something that you can never truly be separate from. Symbolically, this holds the same energy of the core suffering of humanity, which is the belief that we are separate from God. It is extremely painful, this belief structure. We can never be separate from God. And so it is a pushing away. It takes tremendous force and energy, exertion to believe that. And that force, that exertion is exhausting. It causes us great, great suffering and pain. And when we reject ourselves, it's the same because it is rejecting God within. It is rejecting a source. It is so painful. Alara Sage (20:16.17) You know, there's a lot of ways that this can show up. It can show up as unworthiness, inadequacy, like I was speaking to. It can show up as not liking our bodies, disliking our bodies, disliking certain aspects of ourselves. It can even show up as just not really seeing our own brilliance and divinity. Alara Sage (20:41.226) And all of that is deep pain, my love. And when you find it, if you find it, trust me, it will. Alara Sage (20:53.248) shock you. at the level of pain that you've been carrying around. Alara Sage (21:03.698) in your heart. And then of course how that pain gets projected onto others. That pain becomes blame. Alara Sage (21:15.126) because it's so painful, it's so painful, that are only out instead of acknowledging it and looking at it and working with it and choosing to forgive and love ourselves, the only other option is to project it outside of ourselves. That's the only other option. That's where blame comes from. So we project it outside and say, these people and this organization and this and this and this suck. and I don't like them and I hate them and I resent them and they're inadequate and they're unworthy and all the other things that we say about all the other quote unquote others. Alara Sage (21:57.89) that all is a deep belief about ourself. Alara Sage (22:09.486) I wasn't mad at these bullies. Alara Sage (22:14.318) It's never about the bully. Alara Sage (22:20.31) I was mad at myself. Alara Sage (22:27.35) And it taught me a lesson that I am forever grateful for. It taught me the pain of not loving myself. It taught me the pain of believing that I am inadequate. Alara Sage (22:46.514) Sometimes the most profound teachings are the teachings that are out of alignment of truth, meaning we experience untruth. We experience non-alignment. Alara Sage (23:03.598) because it shows you suffering. Alara Sage (23:10.114) And then when you experience alignment, wow, what's this? Alara Sage (23:19.054) Why does this feel so good? Suffering. As you drop off the train of alignment and then you jump back on. Ah, what is this? This feels so good. And then you fall off again. And each time you learn, I don't want this anymore. Not only do I not want it, I realize it's a choice. I realize I can be in a state of ease and love and joy and where life feels good. That's possible for me. That's possible. for me. Alara Sage (24:10.506) And each time you strengthen that anchor to alignment, to truth, to authenticity, to your genius, to your bliss, to who you really are as a fractal of consciousness. direct fractal of consciousness, a drop of water from the ocean that contains the same as the ocean itself. It is not different. It is not separate. Alara Sage (24:46.242) You can take a drop of water out of the ocean and it will return. It will evaporate and return. Alara Sage (24:57.078) You cannot take yourself out of God. You will evaporate and return. Well, not exactly. Alara Sage (25:10.946) Sometimes the greatest lessons are what we don't want, what we don't truly desire. Alara Sage (25:21.102) Because then when we start to see, oh wow, I really don't want this, then what we do want comes into clarity. And now we know what it feels like. We know what it feels like when we're off that train of alignment. We know how it hurts. We know just, it doesn't even feel good. There's no part of it that feels good. We know that and we get clearer and clearer and every single moment, every single action becomes very subtle choices based off of, does this feel good in my body? Is this of alignment to me? AKA, is this loving to myself? Is this a place of acceptance? Is this a place of? recognition and acknowledgement of my divinity. Alara Sage (26:22.338) Yes, yes, that is. Or no, that is not. Never be scared. Never be scared of the lessons that show you what you do not want, of the lessons and the experiences that show you what you do not desire. Embrace them with full. Alara Sage (26:47.164) of your heart because they are invaluable. Alara Sage (26:55.862) when you taste the sweetness of the nectar of your truth, it will be so incredibly brilliant. Alara Sage (27:12.27) keep getting this image of like, imagine that you. had food like, you know, on the Matrix, they just had this like slop, right? I don't know if you remember that, but on the Matrix, they had this slop that just like tasted like nothing, but it was all had all the nutrients, you know. And the one guy just wanted to go back to the matrix so he could eat a steak. But imagine if you've just had slop all your life, because this is the truth of it. Not to say we haven't had bits and bobs of this and that, but slop because humans have not realized themselves. Many of you are realizing yourself. but that slop and then you taste, I don't know, insert here, whatever your favorite food is. I'm gonna say chocolate cake. And like the most delicious of whatever that is for you. And you're like, oh, this exists? Alara Sage (28:29.966) That's the experience of coming home to yourself. That's the experience of acknowledging yourself. You are who you seek, my love. You are who you seek. You are the love that you seek. You are the acknowledgement that you seek. You seek your own honor. You seek your own respect. Alara Sage (29:00.15) That is what you desire. Alara Sage (29:04.206) Because when you have that respect, honor, acknowledgment from others, it's like a cherry on top. Yes, it feels great. It feels great. But it can go and it can come. It can be there and it could not be there. But the feeling of honoring the self and seeing, acknowledging, oh, you, my love, you, my love, are so incredible. I see you. Mm. I am here honoring you. You, I honor you. When you feel that from yourself in full authenticity, in embodiment, not a conception, not just I should tell myself that I love myself conceptually. I understand that I need to love myself. OK, I love you. I see you. And it's flat. I love you, I see you, but you don't believe it. I love you, I see you, but it's not embodied. Wonderful, start there. But when you can feel it in your body, it becomes experiential, because there's conceptual, which is an understanding, is a mental understanding, and experiential where it is embodied in the body. You feel it, it radiates, it's organic. You don't need to do it anymore. It exists, it is there. Alara Sage (30:44.626) all the other acknowledgement, all the other validation, all the other love becomes cherries on the top. Because now... You have you. Alara Sage (30:58.166) You found the person that you've been looking for. Alara Sage (31:06.146) Thanks to the bullies. Thanks to the people that didn't see you. Alara Sage (31:14.676) if I haven't had a lot of those in my life. Alara Sage (31:19.746) Thanks to the people that didn't recognize you. Thanks to the people who were intimidated by you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All you people, thank you for showing me what I truly believed about myself. Alara Sage (31:36.714) So from my heart, from my soul. Alara Sage (31:44.69) In this very moment, I send out the energy of deep gratitude. those two women. who bullied me in high school. I send out deep gratitude to all people who didn't see me, who reflected back to me my own beliefs about myself. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Alara Sage (32:19.982) Thank you. Alara Sage (32:34.579) My heart is just so lit right now Alara Sage (32:40.334) This energy is moving from my womb to my heart, and it's just vibrating with so much love right now. Alara Sage (32:58.806) And my last thing I will say is I didn't get here by... forgiving those bullies. I didn't get here by pointing my awareness on them. I got here, I got to this point where I can literally speak that from my heart with absolute authenticity and truth. Alara Sage (33:18.342) by first acknowledging that I was the one. who betrayed myself. I was the one who rejected myself, acknowledging that I believed that I was inadequate. Alara Sage (33:37.998) and spending the time and the attention and the focus and the awareness to forgive myself and to love myself and to see my own divinity. Alara Sage (33:57.318) I feel like just bringing in a little prayer in the sound. So just know that you don't have to understand this. Just breathe it into your heart. Drop your awareness to your heart and breathe there. Ngehenroo- Alara Sage (34:30.007) you Alara Sage (34:45.242) Ikiye shukhalava. Draineneyreya akina maya. Atru, atru ikiya afa. Ondraya maya. Ika. Udriye ike shunanwaya. Akuramay. Alara Sage (35:09.374) Nice deep breath into the heart. Alara Sage (35:15.054) I see you. I acknowledge you. I acknowledge you in your divinity. I acknowledge you in your human. I acknowledge you in your rejection of self. I acknowledge you and see you in the entirety and the wholeness that you are. And I love you. I love you. Alara Sage (35:49.698) Thank you so much, my love, for joining me here today. Alara Sage (35:57.102) Please be sure to share this episode with anybody that you know that has experienced bullying or rejection by others who hasn't. We all have. So share it. Get on with it. Are you doing it yet? Be sure to subscribe if you haven't already. Please write a review if you haven't done that as well. Until next time, much love.

A Tribute to The Bullies of My Childhood - Solopisode

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