Episode Transcript
<p><!--block-->Alara Sage (00:00.834)<br>Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ecstatic Woman podcast, where we activate and inspire women in their power, in their authenticity, and in their bliss. I'm your host, Alara Sage. I am a womb shaman, an activator of Kundalini Shakti, which is creative life force energy, and the ecstatic life mentor. I believe that we are here to live.<br><br>ecstatically.<br><br>And it has been my own journey to understand what that means and invite myself towards the ecstatic life into the ecstatic life, as well as help others to do the same.<br><br>Today is a solo episode where it's just you and me, intimate setting, intimate circle. And we're going to go into a topic, deep dive right in, and explore.<br><br>Today we're going to talk about boundaries. And I like to bring in some slightly different perspectives on boundaries.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:29.342)<br>some a little bit deeper, some connecting to the body and our creative life force energy, our sexual energy.<br><br>and help you to understand how to apply this information to your daily life. So let's begin.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:51.862)<br>Boundaries are not something that we are taught very well.<br><br>You know, I remember being told that my private parts, right, were mine. But that was about it. I wasn't told. I wasn't taught how to use my no, how to understand that I had permission to say that.<br><br>Alara Sage (02:27.514)<br>I was taught more of the other way, that particularly when I was a child, it wasn't up to me. I didn't get to say no. I had to do what I was told.<br><br>Alara Sage (02:42.386)<br>That right there is very psychologically programming, psychologically altering for a child.<br><br>And I believe that most of us have grown up that way.<br><br>Alara Sage (03:01.162)<br>circumstances where we may have felt really uncomfortable. And our discomfort was pushed aside and we were told to just do it anyways.<br><br>And it's not to say that we should bend to all of our children's every desire and discomfort.<br><br>But communication and conversation is amazing at opening up the information and the perspective. Just simply conversing with your child about what they're feeling, helping them understand why you're asking them to do it, educates them.<br><br>Alara Sage (03:48.554)<br>rather than just simply saying, do it because I told you so, or ignoring altogether the symptoms and the signs that the child is expressing that they are uncomfortable.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:02.11)<br>So it's important to understand that lack of boundaries.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:08.766)<br>has begun very early for all of us, began when we were children.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:16.378)<br>And unless you were spoken to about, hey, you have a right to say no. And it's not that I will always agree with your no, but I will hear you and you have a right to say yes, then you probably don't have clarity of what boundaries are for yourself unless you've done work there through awareness.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:46.454)<br>You know, that's early childhood.<br><br>Then as we go deeper into our lives, we hit sexual expression. We come into our teenage years, into our late teenage, early 20s, where our sexual energy activates. And.<br><br>Alara Sage (05:10.53)<br>For some, they have sex early on, 16, 17 years of age. Other people have sex later. It's not really about what age you decided to engage in any level of sexual activity, even touching, not purely penetration. Touching, oral.<br><br>Alara Sage (05:39.658)<br>Whenever you first engaged in those activities, the question I often bring to my clients is, what was that environment?<br><br>Was it loving and supportive and crystal clear as to, yes, this feels good. This is what I truly desire. No, it does not. This is not what I desire. Communication, clarity.<br><br>Alara Sage (06:09.842)<br>And if not, then those boundaries were again unclear. And for women,<br><br>Alara Sage (06:24.87)<br>It is where we are penetrated, whether that be by hand or phallus or mouth.<br><br>It's important to understand that being penetrated is a very, very intimate act. Again, I wasn't educated on that at all. It was just basically, don't get pregnant. There was no real conversation about the act of sex, about the importance of that those first few times, any of that.<br><br>Alara Sage (07:11.69)<br>And even if that first time for you was loving and safe and supportive, did that continue? Were there any times in your life where you were under the influence of alcohol or drugs, where you were under the influence of pressure, that maybe it wasn't a clear yes or no. I don't know. And because of the pressure?<br><br>Because of the influence, the act was followed through with regardless. And once again, that is a disruption of your boundaries.<br><br>Now for men, just intriguingly enough, it's even more interesting because for women, the physical representation of boundaries is the labialypse, which is quite significant when you think about penetration.<br><br>because boundaries are about penetration. What are we desiring to be penetrated by, and what are we desiring to penetrate? And of course, that goes into the act of sex, but it also just goes into life.<br><br>In life, there are polarities of masculine and feminine. And regardless of our sexual identity, we play both of those polarities. So penetrating life is when you are taking action. That action is penetrating your reality with your creative life force energy. When you are receiving, magnetizing things from life,<br><br>Alara Sage (08:58.71)<br>You are in your feminine, and you are being penetrated. It's a beautiful way to look at it, because it really merges sex with our everyday life, which is more and more what I am taught by my higher self, the beauty of seeing life sexually.<br><br>Alara Sage (09:25.582)<br>For men, those boundaries are the foreskin. And as we're very aware, the majority of men are circumcised.<br><br>and they're circumcised very, very young.<br><br>Alara Sage (09:48.878)<br>I remember watching a show the other day where they were debating, you know, the, the mom didn't want the circumcise and the father did. And he said, you know, they don't remember.<br><br>Alara Sage (10:05.715)<br>and<br><br>That's very true in the consciousness, that your consciousness may not remember something like that because you will block it out, meaning those newborn babies will block that out of their memory, but their bodies remember.<br><br>It is a very big sense of unsafety. And not to say all of it is. I think there's ways that it can be done, where there's a sense of safety and love and support. And so this isn't a conversation against it. But in the sterility of Western medicine, it's often done very cold.<br><br>without compassion or any level of concern about whether the child feels safe and secure. And the body remembers all of that. The body stores that in its cells and in its muscles and in the soft tissue.<br><br>Alara Sage (11:15.446)<br>So whether the consciousness remembers it or not, the memory is indeed there. So it's interesting to consider as a woman that most of the men and their boundaries were jeopardized right off the get-go.<br><br>and what significance has that played in their ability to sense other peoples.<br><br>disharmony and boundaries.<br><br>It's simply a contemplation.<br><br>Alara Sage (11:56.162)<br>So that's the physical representation of boundaries and perspective of how this comes in very early age and then gets further amplified through our sexual exploration.<br><br>Now to add onto it more, we have a society where we've created this belief that we just have to be nice and kind. And<br><br>giving and bending. And of course, it's not to say that we shouldn't be nice and kind and giving.<br><br>but the amount of inauthenticity that actually exists on our planet around kindness giving.<br><br>Alara Sage (12:49.374)<br>is ridiculous. Most people are doing it simply out of obligation. Obligation is not kindness.<br><br>Alara Sage (13:01.746)<br>Obligation is not kindness. Obligation is not love.<br><br>Alara Sage (13:11.73)<br>obligation is where there is a dissonance within you and you're doing it from some sort of pressure.<br><br>Alara Sage (13:28.142)<br>So to be kind, to be nice is beautiful when it's truly coming from your heart. To give when it truly lights you up is the most spectacular act that we as humans have the capacity for, to give and to love and to be kind and generous towards each other. But when we are doing it because we've been taught that it makes us good.<br><br>When we've been, when we're doing it because we believe that that's what makes us a good person or that's what we have to do because, well, our family is the one that asked us or this circumstance, you just have to do that in this kind of circumstance. Well, I call BS on that because what it creates is resentment.<br><br>any time that you do something where your boundary is actually telling you no and you say yes anyways, you build resentment because you're not listening. And when we don't listen to ourselves, we say, self, I hear you, but I don't really hear you. I don't really care. I don't really love you. And I don't really trust that.<br><br>What you feel is correct. So we create distrust and betrayal of self, anger of self, resentment of self that then gets projected out onto others. How dare they ask me to do that? I'm always doing so much for them. What do I get in return? That's not love, that's attachment. That's love with condition, that's strings attached.<br><br>That's not love. That's not kindness. That's not giving.<br><br>Alara Sage (15:29.406)<br>And particularly for women, this has been a very big story in humanity.<br><br>Alara Sage (15:38.934)<br>So boundaries is a sensation in your body. It is self-love. Boundaries are self-love. Boundaries are the understanding that you cannot give. You cannot truly be kind.<br><br>until you are loving to yourself. Otherwise, it is not the energy, the vibration that you're truly attempting to create.<br><br>That's important. Everything is vibration. So when you are doing something out of obligation in order to appear nice, in order to do something good, that you don't resonate with, you are doing it in the vibration of obligation and resistance. And that's what you're creating. You're creating obligation.<br><br>And resistance, you're not creating kindness. You're not creating the energy of true giving gratitude.<br><br>Is that what you want to create? Can pretty much guarantee the answers. No, that's not why you're doing it. You're doing it because you truly desire to give, to be nice, to do whatever it is. And that's not the energy that's actually being created through it.<br><br>Alara Sage (17:14.658)<br>So boundaries are in the body. They're not in the mind. They're not in an analysis. If you are in your head and asking, should I, then you are not in your boundaries. You are in your head, and you are logically analyzing the situation per the programs that you've been given.<br><br>Alara Sage (17:45.27)<br>and you will be led astray. You have to feel into your body and ask. And for women, this means feeling into your pussy. This means feeling into your lab ellipse. This means being really present with yourself.<br><br>The interesting thing that I've found through myself and through my clients of working through boundaries is when we first open this door, we get a lot of nos. No, no, because that part of us has not expressed.<br><br>Alara Sage (18:31.51)<br>So the part of us just wants to say no to a lot of things and wants to scream it because it has felt unheard and underappreciated. So understand that if this is new to you and you're beginning this process, you may be surprised at how many nos you actually hear from your body as you're beginning to release all of that resentment that you hold in your lower chakras.<br><br>And that resentment in your lower chakras does not allow you, my love, to receive support. To receive everything that you're attempting to do for others, you can't receive it for yourself because you hold the resentment there. It's been stuffed down. So you've just got to give yourself permission to say no a lot until that all works through.<br><br>You feel in a place where now you are at a capacity to receive support and you can also give support Receive love and you can give love<br><br>But you're starting in the negative. You have to bring yourself up at least to neutrality and plus.<br><br>So boundaries are in the body. We have to ask ourselves. And we have to understand that it's love of self. Boundaries are integrity. They are where you are the only one. You are the only one that is going to have your own back all of the time. There is only you. When nobody else is around, who is there? You. Isn't that interesting? Because you're the only one that truly exists.<br><br>Alara Sage (20:15.67)<br>not in the context of some narcissistic the world revolves around me, not at all, but in the fundamental understanding of oneness. There is truly only one. If we are relying on other people to be our support, to be our love, to be all of these things, we disempower ourselves.<br><br>Alara Sage (20:37.678)<br>We're relying on the acknowledgement, the appreciation from other people. We're giving all of our power away. Understanding that boundaries is self-love. It is where you are saying, I love myself. And from that place of self-love, I now have the power, the energy, the spaciousness to love so incredibly to others, to give, to be truly kind.<br><br>to others from that space of self-love, and only from that space. That's the only place it's actually authentic.<br><br>It's only authentic when you actually love yourself. Otherwise, there's strings attached. Otherwise, it's conditional. Otherwise, resentment is created.<br><br>That's a hard truth, but it's true. Vibrationally, it's true. It doesn't mean that you have to see yourself as, it doesn't mean that you can't give and be kind and do all of these things. It's about understanding that you have to honor your boundaries, first and foremost, if you actually want to create those energies.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:07.942)<br>understanding the boundaries are in your body. They're not in your mind. If you are analyzing and talking yourself out of it or compromising or again, the logical, well, I should do this because or well, this person or well, that's the mind. Let go of that. Breathe back into your body and ask what is loving to self?<br><br>What is loving to self in this moment? What is loving to self? Because from that place you can give, from that place you can serve, from that place you can love. Is the only question you ever need to ask with boundaries. Is this loving to self? You hear the answer and you have to take action on it. Because that is how you create trust with yourself.<br><br>If you haven't been listening to that voice, there is deep distrust and resentment in your physical body towards yourself. And you will continue to create that and project that out into your reality.<br><br>Alara Sage (23:27.126)<br>So boundaries are not this list of things that you will or will not do. Boundaries are deeply dynamic, meaning maybe Susan asks you to go to lunch with her, and today it's a no. And then tomorrow she asks you again, and it's a yes.<br><br>doesn't have anything to do with Susie or going to lunch or anything like that. It's about what is your space right now? What is most loving and alignment for you in this moment right now? Again, that's not up in the head. That's not an analysis of, well, gee, should I go to dinner with Susan because that place or that's a long drive or da, da.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:17.418)<br>It's just simply yes or no in this moment.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:24.374)<br>We don't need to make these things complicated. They're very, very simple. We just have to ask, trust, and take action on it. And you're going to upset people most likely. Particularly, if you're somebody who hasn't had boundaries, you're going to upset all of those people who have been taking advantage of you. And not consciously. I'm not saying they're purposefully taking advantage of you.<br><br>You're allowing it. Takes two to tango, always.<br><br>Alara Sage (25:02.274)<br>So I'm not saying they're bad people or anything like that. But they've had the opportunity of you stepping outside of your boundaries, and they haven't noticed, or they have, and they don't care. Whatever. Doesn't matter. It's not important. The only thing that's important to understand is that oftentimes people won't like it when you start saying no. And that's when the real test comes in.<br><br>Because when they get upset, when they don't like your answer, can you stand in the truth that it is a loving to yourself? And that's all that matters. Or do you need to feel guilty or bad because they don't like your answer? And that is simply a further reflection of the resentment.<br><br>guilt that you hold in Yourself again. It has truly nothing to do with them<br><br>Alara Sage (26:06.926)<br>So this is all just awareness, awareness of what you're feeling, being really honest with what you're feeling. When you say no and somebody says, what do you mean no? Da, da, da. What do you feel in that moment? Do you feel like you're not enough? You're not doing enough. You're not good enough. You're not kind enough. You're not giving enough. Because that's just a limiting belief.<br><br>Alara Sage (26:37.743)<br>and<br><br>Alara Sage (26:41.298)<br>It comes from not enough. So again, if you're in not enough energy, and you're giving, and you're being kind from not enough, what are you creating? Not enough. What do you want to create? Overflow abundance. And we do that by creating that first and foremost within our own energetic field. Say no more often.<br><br>trust when you hit that feeling in your body and take action on it. And I don't care if you already said yes. Maybe you get a request to do something a week from now. And at that time, you get a yes. And then as it comes up to it, this doesn't feel good. Well, now I have to say no. But I already said yes. Again, that's all mental chatter. If it's no, it's no.<br><br>Simultaneously, if this shifts the other way, then it shifts the other way. But most of the time, we don't have so much of an issue saying yes. We have more of an issue saying no. I will say, however, I have found myself resisting yes also. So where my body wants a yes, and then my mind comes in and goes, oh, we don't have time for that. Oh, that's so silly. We don't need to do that.<br><br>So it's the same thing. I have to give myself permission to say yes. And it's usually something fun and playful that my mind wants to say, that's silly. We don't need that. We have other things to do that are much more important.<br><br>Alara Sage (28:27.31)<br>So it goes both ways, absolutely goes both ways.<br><br>And so take this bit by bit. Notice where you step out of your boundaries. Notice when you do things that don't feel good in your body. And love yourself. Send love. Send forgiveness to yourself in that moment. As you're watching yourself, make these bad decisions. Not bad, just decisions that don't support you. Right in that moment, send love.<br><br>Because even if we're doing things, I've watched myself so many times make decisions when I knew that there was a decision that was more aligned, more loving. And in those moments, the most powerful thing you can do is forgive yourself and love yourself because that will create more love and compassion towards yourself. So that the next time it comes around, it might be more available to you.<br><br>If this is a pattern that you've had for a very long time, it takes practice. Our natural instinct is going to just do what we've always done. So have compassion and patience for yourself and forgive and love yourself through the process so that you're already cultivating more love for yourself.<br><br>Alara Sage (29:51.178)<br>So in a summary, remembering that our lack of boundaries started when we were children and have just been reinforced throughout our life. Remembering that your labialypse are the physical representation of those boundaries and how we are both penetrated by life and then also we penetrate in our own masculine by life into life. The labialypse are our physical representation of those boundaries.<br><br>And boundaries are about self-love. The one question you ever need to ask yourself, is this loving to self? And it's great to say self, not me, because that keeps the ego out of it. It's to self, the higher expression of your being, not your ego. We're not here to serve the ego. We're here to serve the self. Is this loving to self? And remembering that boundaries are dynamic.<br><br>They are about this moment and this moment only. And lastly, to have compassion, both if you have people reacting to your boundaries, as well as having compassion towards yourself, forgiving yourself, forgiving others. As you go about this process and learning how to do this for yourself, you make mistakes. Love, love, and forgive.<br><br>I hope this conversation has helped you, my love, understand boundaries much more deeply from a different perspective, I feel, and understand how to start applying it to your life. One last thing I'll recommend is, you know, start with the easier boundaries. Start every day just asking yourself, is this loving to self? Is this loving to self?<br><br>And that way, when you come across to bigger requests, particularly from other people is when it happens, you will already have started to establish that relationship with yourself and understanding clearly when it's a no or yes. And therefore, you'll be able to respond with more conviction. So practicing with yourself regularly when it's small things, this is always how we set ourselves up for success.<br><br>Alara Sage (32:06.482)<br>so that we're not just waiting until we get the request from the one person that we always blow through our boundaries from and we just don't know how to stand up for them, and then we don't do it again, and then we feel guilty and bad and ashamed, that's not setting yourself up for success. Start little, start small, start often. Build up that trust and communication with yourself. And that way, when those bigger requests come through, you have the conviction to stand in your truth.<br><br>So deeply grateful for spending this time with you today. I'm honored that you're here, that you're part of the audience. And I'm so blessed that you desire to live your best life, to live your ecstatic self. Much love to you all. Until next time.<br><br><br></p>
