Episode Transcript
<p><!--block-->Alara Sage:<br>Hello, hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of The Ecstatic Woman. I'm your host, Alara Sage, The Ecstatic Life Mentor. Oftentimes, we are thinking that we have to have these grandiose experiences to really give ourselves permission to experience joy and happiness and to really feel that aliveness that's within us. But what if we're able to really? Strip ourselves of our inhibitions and really show up in the present moment. Do we, can we experience the little joys that exist in every single moment throughout our day? Today, we are here to talk about this and so much more with our guest, Marijke McCandless. Marijke is an award-winning author and she is a mindfulness coach. and a playfulness instigator. Yes, yes, yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Hahaha<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>She helps people to shed their inhibitions so they can show up to that aliveness. And she definitely has a book that is coming out. This would be next year when we recorded this called Naked in the Now. So let's welcome Marijke with our hearts. Marijke, welcome, welcome to the show.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Oh, hello, Alara. It's so great to be here. It's so fun to see you all lit up. You<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Ah, thank you, yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>bring gorgeous energy here.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Lit. Lit lit<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>And<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>lit.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I love talking about this stuff. This is what I'm all about. Bite-sized<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>moments that can change our mindset, totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>It's so important because I really do feel like people think, okay, I'll let myself experience joy when I go on vacation, right? Or I'll let myself experience when I'm done with work or for the weekend or we're always putting it off, aren't we into these<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>other moments, right?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>You know, I think it's cause we're trained to do that. Don't you? I mean, I think in our society we well, or maybe just humanity at large is our brains are wired to continually look for what's wrong. It's what they're supposed to do. It looks for what's wrong. And then we go into fix it mode, but I want to change that. I want people to notice that even though our brains are doing their thing, every single time we turn our attention to a moment of delight, five seconds of delight. See, I can feel like all the hair on my arm is standing up right now. It changes our experience of life. And we begin to... develop better habits, different habits of we get excited to notice more of that.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Five seconds, I think everybody can do five seconds, right? Ha ha<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Five seconds,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>ha.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>right.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>So what is five seconds of delight? Can you explain that a little bit further?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Well, I mean, I think if you think just first, like, what is delight? So when I, and maybe we have different definitions or whatever, but for me, when I think of delight, it's a moment of happiness, pleasure, maybe. It's a moment of ease. And for me, there's this little component of innocence. There's a loss of my self-absorption, the negative self-absorption that I might have taken on during the day or whatever. So I momentarily, I'm in a moment of innocence and playfulness, really. It's almost a moment of playfulness. And so, I mean, there, if we really think about it, there may be hundreds of these during the day that we just overlook. They're just right there. But if we wanna kind of jumpstart the practice or whatever, you can just remember for yourself your own little moments of delight. So I can remember one time a butterfly. a lit on my hand and it stayed there for, you know, longer than you would have expected. And I just happened to notice what happened inside of me. My whole being just was, what? You know, there was like this smile bursting through. But that happens also when I happen to notice the wind. fluttering through the delicate tree in front of my window. Sometimes it happens when I just that first moment when you feel the rays of sunshine on your face and you just you're just in five seconds you feel that warmth and there's literally energetically a vibration that flushes through your body I guess. It happens when we hug somebody, when we smile at somebody. happens during sex when it's all just, you know, you feel delighted, hopefully. Let's see, other moments of delight, just when you laugh or when you sit with someone and in that moment, you are only with them, even if it's completely just for five seconds. You catch their eye, you're with them, you feel. warmth in your heart. That's what I'm talking about. And I, I... I experience it whenever I turn my attention to notice it, you can experience it.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yeah, I think that's a really important. part of it, if you turn your attention towards it, you notice it. One of<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>the things that comes to mind as you're saying this is to me sometimes it can be things like, oh, look, the traffic lights are green, right? And there's a fluidity to moving<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>through whatever traffic or like you're at the grocery store and there's no lines. You got in just really smoothly, right? Or for some reason I'm also getting the the image and the sensation of like water going down the throat, trying to drinking water<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Mmm,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>of how<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>good that feels. And, and also a lot of times I have these people in my life who I say they're my little angels. Like I walked into this is kind of funny, but it's, it's one of these moments. It was most recent. So I'll share it. I walked into a restroom, a lady's restroom, and there was a woman just standing there and she just pointed to the stall that was open.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Why thank you!<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Thank you, you know what I was just like I was like, yeah, you know like cuz it did it felt Easeful it felt playful. It felt like she was just literally standing there just to show me the stall It was open, you know, which of course isn't necessarily true But<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Heheheheh.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>it brought me that delight and I have a lot of times that people will do things like that I really enjoy Like noticing those little tiny actions, right that just like oh why thank you that made my day or this moment more easeful, right? Because<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I think that's a really<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>absolutely.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>beautiful word, easeful.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>The way that you just told your little story there is really great because what it enlivens for me when you talk about it is this idea, especially when we're talking about dealing with other people, how in any moment it can be a tiny little dance. It was like for that moment, you and this woman had this exchange that was lit up. It was a tiny little lit up exchange. And I love that you're noticing it when other people do it for you. And how cool to know that we can do that for other people too. I mean, I think,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Oh, yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>right? I mean, I think it's probably behind the heartfelt impetus of things like the tiny little libraries that people put up on the street these days. You know, you go past one and they're color, sometimes they're colorfully lit up or they're just simple or whatever they are. And it's just, it's just great. It just makes you feel connected to that person for a moment. Maybe<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>that's part of delight is when we feel connected to a person or to the, to the world, to the universe at large for a moment.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And I think we can feel a lot of times, you know, truly from my heart, I compliment people because I just love to do it. I love that feeling. Even sometimes people aren't very good at receiving compliments. You know, like you say, oh, like the other day, kind of similar. I saw this woman with a butterfly, you know, shirt on. I was just like, oh, I love your butterfly shirt. And she kind of looked at me and was like. Oh, thanks. And then kind of walked away. You know, she<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>didn't really. But I know for certain that impacted her, you know, even if<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>she couldn't really receive it in the moment, I don't need her to, you know, say, oh, thank you so much. I really enjoy<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah!<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>gifting it to her. And so I feel like that's another way we can delight. Right.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally, yeah, I know. I've been noticing your earrings this entire time. I'm just like,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>oh,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>say,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>they're<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>yeah, there<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>just<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>we go.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>great, you know? I know.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Or maybe<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I don't know.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>being the person that points the open stall in the restroom to the other<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I'm<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>person.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>going to try that one next time. I'm like, that is really fun. Totally<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>It is<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>fun.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>because I didn't even have to like take, you know, I just was like walking right in. She pointed it. I was like, it was straight in. It was just like, again, easeful was the word. Yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>But you mentioned something else that I thought was, it's like we talked about the five second moments of delight, which. we can help create, we can notice, we can tune into. And then there's those almost bigger ones when synchronicity kind of starts lining up and you get that sort of wow, wow kind of experience of the universe. And... To me, that's when I feel really in tune with life. And that feeling, what I call, I like to call it naked being, that somehow I'm in the flow of life, I'm showing up, I'm noticing what's coming before me, and I'm maybe in touch with those synchronicities or that resonance, that's when the delight gets big. That's when it gets big. and infuses my whole being with that. And then I can bring it out too more easily.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I love that terminology naked being<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>and. what you're suggesting of, yeah, we need to be aware and notice because the truth is that these are happening constantly.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And oftentimes, as you alluded to earlier, we're kind of so absorbed in, you know, the physical and life and sometimes even the negative things that we're really focused on,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>rather than kind of stepping back and allowing the full view into place. It is we are gifted that opportunity to see. I have been shown so many times madly, just I call it magic, because to me, it's<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>the magic of the universe, you know, not the<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>abracadabra, not the spells and all of that. The true alignment and the way in which the universe flows<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Hmm<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>with so much love and power. And so many times I've literally been dropped to my knees with, you know. just my jaw dropped and just wow like that is a beautiful and I'll be crying and just like that is such a beautiful awareness of life<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah, totally. And it can take you by surprise how it shows up. It's not, sometimes it's not even something classically beautiful. You just, like, I don't know. You just appreciate the clover that you used to call weeds. But you happen to go buy it and you see, you know, wow, you know, there's a beautiful purple flower and there's, you know. possibly four leaf clover in there or something. I don't know, you know, or like yesterday, I was hanging out with my two-year-old granddaughter and you experience it a lot if you get into the mind of a child because everything is wow to them. And there was a grasshopper who I think was injured and it was kind of stuck in this mud. I mean, there was nothing beautiful where we were. It was a messy piece of concrete, you know, whatever, bits and pieces of bark and dirt on it, and this dull colored grasshopper. But because I thought it might be of interest to her, we squatted down and we looked and we looked at this grasshopper and it, um, it enlivened, it enlivened her for sure. She was all about Mr. Grasshopper, but It enlivened me. I was like, I had no idea these dull grasshoppers had wings that had like stripes on them or I don't know. It was just, and it was maybe one minute that we spent with this grasshopper. It wasn't a big thing that I had to go find. I just had to take a minute and notice whatever was in front of me. Whatever it was. sensually, sensually in front of me.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes, little kids are so good at that. I remember one of my boys, they really taught me. They taught me how to be present. I remember<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>taking them on a walk and very similar. It was actually a really beautiful area. But they weren't tuned into any of that. They were looking at the ground, watching the ants, and the little tiny stuff. And I mean, walk<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>is a big word for what we did, because we did a lot of standing<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Exactly. Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>and very little movement. Um, and it was such a beautiful experience for me. This was many years ago where I had to really breathe into my body and realize that I had this expectation, right? Okay, we're going to go for a walk at any expectation and like, Oh, can I, can I just be here with them? Right. And can I see the world as they're seeing the world? And I feel like that's what you did.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>It's<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>funny.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>it's so beautiful to do that.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I know you said that and I was thinking how usually when I go for a walk it's for fitness, right? It's kind of for fitness. I mean I sort of go because I go someplace pretty but it's more or less for fitness. And I was thinking how somehow the way that you described it with your boys, I was thinking wow it's really it's fitness for the soul. It's fitness for the soul. When we stop and tune in.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes, absolutely. And I love how you're bringing in the word sensuality, right? Because<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>what I've also been taught a lot is how much there is to feel and experience and experience through the senses<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>in any given moment.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>yes, I know. It's, there's, I have this, I have this sentence. If I'm really stuck in my head, my cue is to ask this one sentence, which is, what else is here? And by that, I mean, what else other than my thoughts? And that is my cue. to look at colors, to look at visuals, to smell, to taste, to listen, to touch, to feel the ground beneath my feet or my, even just putting my fingers on this desk right here brings an enlivenment to the moment that is greater when all the senses are enlivened.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I love that. It's a wonderful sentence that the audience can take away with what else is here. Because<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>we do we get caught up in the mind and we're we shut down the senses.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>You know, we shut down all of the input. Yes. So when you're saying, you know, getting naked in the now, can you explain that a little bit more? What do you mean by getting naked? I mean, obviously you're not talking about taking off our clothes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Right.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>So what are you suggesting?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Well, so what I'm talking about is looking at what our experience of life is beneath our thoughts and beliefs, because we tend to get wrapped up in thinking that who I am is what I think and or what I believe, even what I value. And I'm here to say, not really. My experience is that when we are completely present, we are experiencing life under our thoughts and beliefs. We are experiencing, we're essentially alive. So our senses are on full alert and the senses can only pick up what's happening right now. And whereas our mind can travel easily to the future, to the past, or we worry about the future, we get anxious about something. So being naked in the now is about letting go of our thoughts and beliefs for a moment, turning our attention to the sensual now. I use the term because it brings to mind there's kind of two sides to nakedness. There's kind of this, oh my God, that sounds scary. That sounds too vulnerable. That sounds risky. But there's also, you know, playfulness and intimacy. And when I talk about getting naked in the now, I'm talking about being intimate with the moment. intimate with the moment and you can feel that flush through your body. You can feel that immediacy, that sensual immediacy flush through your body. And for me, that's what the word delight captures also is this intimacy with the moment like the kids do all the time. Little kids can do that easily. Um, and I use the term naked because I know it's a little naughty, I guess, you know, to call it that. But I think of when we are, um, when we are like lovers naked, we are feeling playful and we are okay with being vulnerable and we're not all covered up perfecting ourselves. And You know, it's a little, it's joyful messiness that's right now.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>You're speaking my language as I do speak a lot about intimacy and<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>it's so powerful. You know, we think of intimacy a lot of times with other people, right?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Right.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>But intimacy is really and truly with ourselves and with the moment. And if<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>that involves other people, so be it. But we can be deeply, deeply<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Exactly.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>intimate and naked as you say<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>with ourselves and with the moment and just how much that really amplifies our experience. experiences, right?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Amplifies our availability to that joy. And wow, if it hasn't been a lesson I've had to learn, I've been a very impatient person. I've been a person that's just always kind of looking at the next thing. And so slowing down and becoming present and being willing to open up my senses. Because in all honesty, I had shut them down, right? Because<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>that was a level of protection.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And so even sexual intimacy for me was a little bit like at arm's length, even though it wasn't physically at arm's length, emotionally<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>it was at arm's length.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>So I think these little practices for people are so powerful<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>in opening up their availability to their fullness. to other people and the exploratory expansiveness that happens with real intimacy and our<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>lives and opening up our channels and opening up our power.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally, yeah. For me, my doorway in, no, well, yeah. Anyway, one of the things that I inherently used to feel was that I was inadequate or that I was broken. I had trauma. I have had trauma in my life. I had trauma as a child that I carried into young adulthood that affected my marriage with my husband in our younger years. And I had come to the conclusion that I was broken and needed to be fixed. What, you know, so you go on that pathway and you do that, you go try to fix yourself. But... When you come full circle, what you discover is, oh my God, wait a second, I am inherently imperfect. I'm inherently imperfect and wholly lovable. And it's not about being the perfect version of ourself. It's about being in the moment. It's really about being willing to be. in the juicy okayness of right now, because that's where life exists. That's where life is. And that unlocking that key opens this door to a curiosity for life that can change everything. You start looking for, oh. How do I feel lit up? What is the tiny little thing that I do that makes me feel lit up? I started noticing that when I did an inner smile only for myself, just for five seconds, that my whole entire attitude changed in those five seconds. For five seconds, I wasn't caught up in all the ways that I was broken. I could feel it. I could feel the warmth coming from my chest, moving to my cheeks. And it was just an inner smile for myself. And then it was like, wow, what if I take this on the road? What happens then? You know?<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>What is an inner smile? Is that where you're imagining yourself smiling and feeling the smile in your imagination?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I think, okay, so if we were just to do it right now,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I would close my eyes. and I would allow my attention to rest in my chest. Drop my shoulders. and I would allow with maybe with my breath or not, I would allow my mouth, my cheeks to actually move into smile position. as if they were moving from inside out. So you can feel the difference if you make your face flat and you just kind of smile on the surface. Or if you relax all the body, feel it like a warm energy that moves up and into your cheeks. And it tends to feel warm in my chest and enlivened in my cheeks, almost up to my eyes. And there's this sort of this. joyful moment. where there's nothing is happening except for me smiling from inside for myself and I feel better.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes, it's very warm in the heart is what I was feeling. And I played with just like smiling<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>or. Like smiling, I was focused on the heart, as you said, and absolutely it was a warm sensation that went from my chest up into my<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>cheeks. And as you said, up into my eyes, whereas the just smiling feels<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>very much like to me that smile that I just can't do anymore. I can't do that. Like I'm just going to smile to smile. You know,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>The mask.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I'm a very smiley person because I'm a very joyous person. So I<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>am smiling a lot. I don't go into places and smile because I feel like it's polite or it's nice or it's all<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Rape.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>of these things. I just I literally can't make my face do that.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Right.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And what I did just then I was like, oh yeah, there's that feeling again. I'm<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>just like, like you're literally like putting a mask on,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Exactly.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>you know.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes, exactly. But in discovering for yourself the difference of those two feelings, that in itself is really powerful. It's like, oh, wow, there's actually different experiences of smiling. There's this. willingness to feel joy or I need to protect myself and the best way to protect myself is with a smile so nobody asks any questions. You know? Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yeah, it's so interesting because I was really feeling today just how much we really stop ourselves from. the experience of joy right out of this protection and these<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>closed walls. And I feel like that little exercise was so wonderful in, as you said, really feeling what it looks, what it feels like and that depth of truth. Like that's<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>a true smile. It comes from<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>the inside. It feels warm. It has this depth to it. And and it really like I mean, I'm very tapped into the subtle energies and it might, you know,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Exactly.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>My energy, my Shakti lit up,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah!<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>you know, my creative life force energy. I mean, it's not just this heart and this face. It affects all of your chakras, affects<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>true.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>all of your body. So that was a really fun and powerful tool that I feel like everybody can play with.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Do you ever have anybody say I don't get it or that didn't seem to work for me?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Um, I have had somebody say that before. And the thing is, is that, um, that's okay. Every single exercise doesn't have to work for every single person. What's more important is being honest with yourself, checking in with yourself, no, and asking, maybe asking yourself, I wonder why that didn't work. wonder what I'm doing differently or where I'm stopping myself from feeling this. Well, those five people are saying they're feeling joy when they do this and I'm not feeling that. That's the place to go is to look because ultimately you are your best. personal detective. You know, you are the one that is increasing your own joy. So you do need to pay attention to what works or what doesn't or come back to an exercise another time. Sometimes we're just not in the mood for it. Or the mood for it. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yeah, I always feel like also with those exercises, it's really good to do them when you're already like, okay, I'm feeling pretty good, you know, or I'm feeling really good. And then you<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>tap into that and then start taking them into moments where like, hey, I really need that inner smile, right? Or sometimes<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Thanks. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>when we're trying it, when we're really not feeling it,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>it's a less available or as we practice when it's a little bit more available. Then we get good at it and we can literally bring it into any moment, right? That moment that you're like, Oh my God, I want to scream at the top of my head or Oh my God, I feel so down and low. Then yay, you have that tool in your toolbox to access your inner smile. I love that so much.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>That is great advice. That is really great advice. When you are feeling a joyful moment, to notice what it feels like, to pay attention, to kind of put it in your toolbox for another moment when you're not there and you can bring up the memory maybe first to start. It's not cheating, it's okay. You get to, we get to use our... full capacity for our own joy and to end our own suffering. I think, I recently came up with this, I'm sure you're familiar with, a lot of people like to do gratitude journals. So coming around to what we were talking about before, I think the gratitude journal is a great thing to do. And I have a different idea, which is to do a a daily diary of delights. Because for just this reason that you were talking to, if we notice any moment when we feel a moment of delight and we jot it down, we can bring that back up later. Often we just overlook it. We just don't tune into the fact that for five seconds I felt the ray and we kind of do. We're like, oh yeah, that feels really nice. But if you really get it, like wait, this was everything for five seconds. We'll start to look for it more. Once we pay attention to the big obvious ones, even if they're little, We start to look for that more. We start to cultivate it. We start to want to bring an attitude of playfulness to the next moment, even if it's a difficult one, because I'm gonna feel more delight if I do that. I'm going to feel more at ease if I do that. All of my conditioning teaches me to fight, maybe, you know, to stand up for what I want. But sometimes the way there is soft. Sometimes it's through our own enlivenment that we get somebody's attention even better, including our own. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I love that you brought up gratitude because I was actually going to ask about that earlier. I'm like, what do you feel like is the difference? Because it has a similar tone to it. And<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>I love what you were saying because it is also, you know, what we focus on is where our energy goes. And it's one of those things where, like, if you're looking at a car and you're like, I think I'm going to buy this kind of car. All of a sudden, you see that car everywhere. Right.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes!<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And it's the same thing with gratitude or delight. Like, if we are putting our awareness on it, we're saying to ourselves, this is important to me.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And then all of a sudden, we will notice it. more. We will experience it more. We will cultivate it more. We will create it more. Oh, I'm getting bliss hits.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I know me too. Exactly.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>That's actually what my notes say. It's like, oh, and Laura says what we focus on grows and that's exactly what I keep coming to as well. It's it's yeah. And again, we're not we can't really blame ourselves for not being good at this. We're not trained in it. We're trained to try to fix what's wrong instead of to pay more attention to all the little tiny things that are right or delightful or easeful even amidst difficult circumstances.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Absolutely.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Even<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes, yes, yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>even and sometimes actually our most difficult moments oddly give us a feeling of ease because sometimes when things are really just so difficult there's nothing we can do but be focused. with the difficulty, like for instance, you know, as my father was passing. It's not the moment you want to be in. You don't want to be in the moment when a loved one is dying. And yet there you are. There's nothing to do to get away from it. But if you are there, there is this sweet ease almost with it. not to gloss over the feelings of grief or anything like that, but even grief has its flavor of presence. It's delight. We would never put that word on grief, but there is a fullness that has a similar component to it.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Absolutely, that's really precious advice. I mean, grief exists because of love, right?<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>So,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>yes,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>yes. My love, where can people find you? I know you have a book coming out<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>I can't<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>next year,<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>say<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>so yes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>it. I do. Well, you can, I'm easiest to find on my website. I have a difficult name, sort of, but it's just my first name, my last name, dot com. So it's MaricaMcCandless.com, and I'll spell it. So it's M-A-R-I-J-K-E, M-C-C-A- N-D-L-E-S-S dot com. That's the easiest place to find me. And I have, I want to offer your readers, I mean your listeners something. I've got, so I have a book, my book's called Naked in the Now, Juicy Practices for Getting Present. being published by Collective Ink, which used to be called John Hunt Publishing, O Books Imprint, and it'll be coming out next summer, 2024. So yes, please go onto my website, subscribe so I can fill you in on all the information. But in the meantime, I would like to offer your listeners, I would like to send you to send on to them free, how do I do this? How do I get this to them? Anyway.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Well, it'll be in the show notes. I can share a link<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Okay.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>in the show notes.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>So they will need to get in touch with me so that I can get in touch with them. But I have putting together an online course called Juicy Practices for Getting Present that is comprehensive. It has three complete modules. We talk a lot about intimacy with the self, intimacy with others. But the first module is called Slipping into Something More Comfortable. I would like to offer your listeners a couple of free guided sessions module. I'll also send along the intro to the whole class for them to listen and practice.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yum, that sounds delightfully delicious.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Yeah,<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yay.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>totally.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Okay. So with that we're going to move into our activation<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Ah, beautiful.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>at this time. So I always tell the listeners that if you're driving you can do this, you know, just keeping your eyes open and then you can always come back when you have some more spaciousness and fully engage in this and Just a reminder that there's nothing that you have to feel. There's nothing that is, you know, that is a requirement here. There's no exactness to this. This is unique to you. So just be available to what you experience and know that is absolutely perfect. So let's go ahead and close our eyes if you're not driving. And let's just start by taking some nice deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. And as you're doing this, you're going to draw your awareness to your body and drawing your awareness to what you are sitting on. Or perhaps if you're walking, the sensation of the feet on the ground and drawing awareness to where you are touching the ground, touching what you're sitting on and breathe and breathing all the way down into your pelvis. your pelvis and breathing all the way down into your pussy and breathing all the way down into your womanness your womanness and there's all of these sensations available here. And we're breathing into these sensations of you as a woman. My love you as a woman and if you're sitting feel your bottom on that chair and just relax. Breathe in, exhale and just relax your body relaxing, relaxing further, relaxing further into the chair, relaxing further into sensation and allowing the sensation of this moment to show itself. If you really want, you can even touch yourself just running your hands. over your arms creating a sensation of touch to yourself and breathing and feeling that sensation allowing in this moment that sensation to be the only thing that you are focused on the only thing that your awareness is pointed to and you're breathing and relaxing into that sensation or if you're walking it's a sensation of your feet Touching the ground whatever sensation you have your awareness to right now keep it there and keep breathing as we ask the bodies as We invite the bodies to soften even more Asking the bodies to soften to let go to relax Even more and asking in this moment these sensations to expand Asking in this moment, these sensations to enliven themselves in your space to show up more for you to experience them more intimately, more deeply. Can you feel that sensation with every single part of your body? Every single part of your being? Yes. And breathe. As you're giving yourself permission to feel this sensation with every single part of you, every single part of you feeling that sensation coming into your body, feeling that sensation encapsulate, take over, consume your awareness in your space as you just surrender to the Surrender to the deliciousness of this moment here now surrendering in inhaling through your nose exhaling your letting go letting go letting go of the tension letting go of anything and everything outside of this moment. Anything and everything outside of this moment allowing yourself to notice everything about this sensation, everything about this moment, even my voice, noticing how my voice comes into your ears, noticing the vibration of my voice in to your ears and into your body, noticing I'm going to bring in some sound, really listening to the sound and welcoming it into your body with full sensation. Yeah Yeah. Yeah. You Feeling now the sensation of your breath, the sensation of your breath into your lungs. The sensation of your exhale out of your mouth. Feel that breathing in that drawing in feel how delicious it feels to draw air into your body. And feel the deliciousness of letting it go releasing the air releasing anything and everything out of your mouth feeling the subtle delight of the sensation of your very own breath your very own breath here always for you here always in available for you your. Yes, yes, yes. Excellent. One more nice deep breath. You can even make a noise. Let it out. Yay.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Yes, yes, yes. All the goodness, all the sensations.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Nice.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>My love, it has been such a treasure having you here today.<br>I really enjoyed our conversation and I think the audience is left with just some deliciousness and<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Thank you love. Beautiful to be with you.<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>And fellow ecstatics, please reach out to her. And if this is 2024, find her book. If it's not 2024, kind of get it, get ready, right? Get ready for that to come out. Make sure that you're sharing this episode. Do you know somebody maybe who could have a little bit more ease in their life? Maybe that person who's always thinking. Maybe that person who doesn't notice or recognize the ease, the delight, the joy that's in their life, share this episode with them so that they can take home these nuggets of wisdom and the energy that we brought forth here today. Otherwise, we will see you next week for the Ecstatic Woman. Thank you so much.<br><br>Marijke McCandless:<br>Thank you. I love sharing your energy. Mwah!<br><br>Alara Sage:<br>Mwah!</p>
