Episode Transcript
<p><!--block-->Alara Sage (00:00.836)<br>Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ecstatic Woman podcast, where we activate and inspire women in their power, in their authenticity, and in their bliss. I'm your host, Alara Sage. My fellow ecstatics, what if you could perceive your reality through the filter, through the belief that this is all here for my pleasure?<br><br>I feel it already, I just get lit.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (00:30.047)<br>Oh my gosh! Game changer!<br><br>Alara Sage (00:40.196)<br>If you can't already tell, we have a wonderful guest here today. I've really been looking forward to this conversation. We have Natalie Kabengian. Yay, I did it correctly here with us today. And she is a pole artist, a certified erotic blueprints coach and a somatic aliveness coach. I mean, that's just so delicious. She helps folks inhabit their bodies and become more tuned into themselves.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (00:48.263)<br>Woo, you said it correctly, woo!<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (01:02.335)<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:08.684)<br>Natalie, thank you so much for being here with me today.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (01:11.645)<br>Yes, thank you so much for having me. So stoked for this conversation.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:17.444)<br>So when did this, because for the audience, Natalie was one that brought this beautiful perception in, okay? It is all here for my pleasure. This came from Natalie. So Natalie, when did this first come into your awareness?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (01:33.023)<br>Oh, so when it came first into my awareness, it was actually when I first launched my business, Pull It Soul. During that time, I fell into a major depression. So there was just a lot for me. All of a sudden, now I'm this entrepreneur. I...<br><br>Wanted all this freedom to create. And I had this mission and I had this vision and I was like, yes, please. Like I am ready. And then it turns out that, oh my goodness, the poll industry, there's so many poll artists out there. And there's this thing called social media. And now I have to be promoting myself and now I have to constantly be training. And so there was just so much pressure that I was putting on myself. And then eventually I got to a point where.<br><br>It was during one of my practice sessions where I was just doing a regular forearm climb, just to climb up the pole and my whole body just collapses. Basic climb. And I just drop down onto the floor. And it was basically my body's way of forcing me to listen. And there was a song that was playing.<br><br>And that song, when I actually allow myself to listen and to really let the words and the music, my eyes are getting teary just coming back to that moment, land in my body, I realized, holy shite, I am depressed. I am not feeling that great. And then I felt such a constriction in my heart space and in my womb space. And I started sending breath to it.<br><br>And then I started sending movement to it. And then the more I stayed with that sensation, the more I stayed with that constriction, more breath, more sound, more movement, more staying with myself. Eventually, eventually that depression, that stagnant energy, all of a sudden came alive. And I experienced.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (03:46.379)<br>such an immense orgasm, a crygasm, if anything. And I just, that was when it really dawned on me. That's when the phrase first came through. It's, oh my goodness, it is all here for my pleasure. This sensation of depression that so many of us are not wanting to feel, we spend so much of our times in denial for a lot of the feelings that are maybe wanting to come online.<br><br>And then the fact that if I just stayed with it long enough, gave it that nurturing love and attention and that penetration, it erupted into that of pleasure. And so pleasure, basically, it really landed with me there that there's something to this principle of pleasure that it is really, truly embracing and accepting and melting into what is here now. And so.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:26.18)<br>Mm.<br><br>Alara Sage (04:42.98)<br>Mm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (04:44.863)<br>With that, I mean, I didn't just like overnight immediately. I just, oh my God, yes, it's all here for my pleasure. But every day it's like, OK, that phrase would come in. And then again, I would take it as an opportunity in my self -pleasure practice, in my pole practice, where I would just be with those sensations. And then it comes into pleasure. So that's where it came from, this phrase.<br><br>Alara Sage (05:12.972)<br>I can feel all of that, my love. And I love that because I always say that it's through pain that we experience bliss, right? It's through our physical pain, our emotional pain, our mental pain. It's not in lieu of it. It's not by casting it aside, not wanting to look at it, avoiding it that we experience bliss and ecstasy. It's by, just as you did, like sinking into it, surrendering into it, understanding that it can be intense. However,<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (05:22.845)<br>Yeah?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (05:31.455)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (05:42.66)<br>It's not who we are. We are not the depression. We're not the pain. We're not even essentially the bliss. But as we surrender into and we create space for it, then it releases through our body like you experienced. So had you been taught how to do that with the breath and movement? Was that something that you just fell into into that moment? Go into that a little bit further.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (05:44.743)<br>No.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (05:50.993)<br>No.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (06:08.703)<br>Yes, so it's a combination. So this found me, pole dance and sensual movement, that found me. And so through the art of sensual movement, I was already in the practice of really listening to my body and really feeling my body. I didn't know what it was to feel my body. I don't know about you, but it's like I was a dancer. I was an athlete. And so you would think that I knew my body.<br><br>but I didn't until sensual movement came into my life. And when I was actually like told the phrase, feel your body, I was so numb to it. I was like, I was saying it. I mean, I'm an actor too. So I was like, yes, I can, I can perform. I can, I can totally say, feel your body, but I couldn't feel anything. There was so much numbness. And then eventually the more and more I started saying it, I then actually got my<br><br>first taste of being in myself. And it was so wild because that was the first time in a really, really long time that I had actually allowed myself to even touch. What it is to actually be and to feel my physical vessel so. And it had a lot of my body had a lot to say. Like, oh, now now all of a sudden we're starting to listen great.<br><br>Alara Sage (07:32.068)<br>hahahaha<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (07:37.023)<br>And this is the beauty about the journey right when you really start this initiation. Into what is here so and so from there i was already in that practice of really engaging with my senses because sensual movement the way i like to describe it is you're just moving with and through your senses you are moving with feeling and so that was the practice that i was in and then of course.<br><br>what makes sensual movement, sensual movement, is the addition of, OK, where can I find the pleasure in this? Where in my body am I feeling the aliveness, that pleasure, that electricity? Can I live there? Can I take up more space in that? Can I really just be messy and raw and just really live in that movement until my body is organically ready to take me to the next word and the sentence that I'm wanting to create?<br><br>So this is the practice that I'd been in for quite a long time. I was teaching as well. I was facilitating groups. And so in this moment in time, I had left the studio that I was teaching at and I launched Poll with Soul. And this was like another initiation of just like, oh, really pleasure is actually a key piece in what I'm meant to be bringing into the world. It's a really key piece of what it is to be alive because I knew the suffering.<br><br>I knew the pain that I was really comfortable with, especially with the whole artist trope of like, you've got to suffer in order to create great art. Like you've heard of this, yes. It's so adorable. But yeah, it was that. And it was just like, oh, are you going to say something?<br><br>Alara Sage (09:19.492)<br>I love that.<br><br>Alara Sage (09:26.308)<br>Yeah, well, I was just going to connect to, yeah, I mean, definitely I had that as well, where I was really numb and shut down. And I wasn't aware that I was numb and shut down until I had my spontaneous Kundalini awakening and had a full body orgasm in the car. I hadn't even had a full body orgasm in my life sexually, let alone just driving in my car. And one of the things, you know, I always say, we don't know what we don't know. Right. And I try to connect people, help them to be aware of.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (09:35.133)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (09:49.823)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (09:54.532)<br>What it feels like, what do we experience when we're numb and shut down, right? So we can start to acknowledge those signals and then invite us into the sensual side. So do you have any remembrance of how that felt when you couldn't feel or when you were perhaps at the very early stages of that sensual movement, what you were experiencing?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (10:17.759)<br>Yeah, so before Sensual Movement found me, I was just coming out of a four -year romantic partnership. And this partnership, I guess some would call this emotionally abusive. I did not know who I was. I felt very, it really was a reflection of just how deeply I hated myself.<br><br>and how deeply I did not feel worthy of life itself and the gifts that life has to offer somebody. And one of those gifts is love. I didn't feel worthy of it. And so I was so brilliant the fact that I brought in this partner to shine that light.<br><br>onto me and to the fact that my sanity was being questioned to the fact that any time that I was going out or that I had a film project or that I had something that was really giving me a liveness, I would either be shamed for it, I'd be criticized for it, I'd be punished for it. So it got to the point where I was feeling very suffocated. I couldn't really be myself. Like there was this wild<br><br>Beast that was wanting to come out. This dragon that was wanting to burst out of my rib cage and yet what I was so determined to do because at the time one of my biggest shadows was I was a really good shape shifter really good at contorting myself to basically just be whatever my partner wanted or my lover wanted or anybody actually just to keep myself safe so.<br><br>Alara Sage (11:52.322)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (12:03.007)<br>really big fawn response and float response happening. And so I didn't really know what I wanted. I just knew that this wasn't it. Like there was more for me out there, but it didn't feel possible. And so the only possibility that I saw was to end my life. And so I went up to this big overlook where I was living in Austin and.<br><br>I was like, well, if I'm going to die, it's going to be very epic. Like, so this overlook, I'm looking down and I'm like, all right, like this just might be it. This is my freedom. And didn't do it. I'm here. Spoiler alert. But I mean, I don't know. I feel like your audience is definitely more in the spiritual space. So.<br><br>Alara Sage (12:31.812)<br>Cough cough<br><br>Alara Sage (12:46.116)<br>Hahaha!<br><br>Alara Sage (12:57.444)<br>Absolutely. Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (12:57.951)<br>I feel like I can share this here where I definitely felt the presence of my great grandmother come in. Like it was like a full on barrier that stopped me from going forward. And it was like, no, that's like not yet. This isn't your time. And so then from that point, I know, I know, I know magic is real. That was the first instance where I've started remembering holy F magic is real.<br><br>And I had just been spellbound for a really long time. And so I said, well, I need to just end this. So I ended the relationship. It was not pretty. It was so not pretty. It was quite frightening. And from that place, that's when it opened, like one door closed and then another opened. And that was when pole dance and sensual movement came in, where an acting teacher recommended that I go to the studio. And I didn't know.<br><br>anything about this studio. I just trusted this person. I was like, all right, fine. I'll go. And then I started seeing the polls and like the mood lighting and I was like, all right. And it didn't dawn on me that I was supposed to be on the poll. And so, so we did the class and it was very, again, like sensual movement. There's a lot of slowness and I was like, oh my God, I cannot like.<br><br>Alara Sage (14:09.764)<br>Hahaha!<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (14:21.759)<br>I was so fast. Like I was, cause again, I was doing whatever it took to not really be in me. So I was quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. Also, I didn't realize this about myself at the time, but I am very sensitive to energy. I was highly sensitive to energy. So even that, the sensations of all the vibrations emanating, I didn't know what to do with it. So all of that was going down. And then the teacher was like, okay, now it's time for the poll.<br><br>Alara Sage (14:28.66)<br>Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (14:51.807)<br>I was like, all right, I'm gonna tell you something. I was like, I'm gonna do this. However, I have no upper body strength. So don't expect much out of me. She was like, all right, go for it. And so then I go in. I remember I put my hand on this cold steel apparatus.<br><br>There was this electricity, this electric current that shot from the crown of my head all the way down my spine into my pussy. And then the word impact just blared in front of me. And I took my first spin and it was love at first spin. And I never looked back. So from that moment, it was that spark of, oh my God, I'm able to feel something.<br><br>Alara Sage (15:30.946)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (15:38.687)<br>So I was finally feeling alive for the first time.<br><br>Alara Sage (15:41.572)<br>Yes, yeah. I love, I want to point out two things that you said. So the first thing was, you know, that you in that relationship, but I love how, you know, you're like, some people would call it toxic, but you saw it as a reflection, right? Cause that's literally what it is. A whole reality is simply reflection of our own consciousness, right? And so, you know, losing kind of, I'm not sure of who you were, right? Who am I? I had the same thing with my relationship.<br><br>bright as my Kundalini Shakti woke up. And then that shape -shifter, right? Because I was really good at that as well. So I'm just letting the audience connect to that piece, right? Where because you're so, we're so unworthy, we believe we're so unworthy and ultimately we're in hate, self -hatred. You know, whenever I say that term, people are always kind of like, oh, well I didn't hate myself. And it's like,<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (16:30.431)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (16:34.436)<br>Well, okay, maybe you don't see it that way, but that's what not loving yourself is, right? You can, you know, share code it all you want. Like that's really fundamentally what it is. Maybe you didn't feel hatred towards yourself, but you didn't feel worthy. And so what we'll do, as you said, for protection is we will try to blend into camouflage. What does this person want from me? What does this person want from me in order to keep ourselves safe? So that's a really, I love that example.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (16:39.935)<br>Yes!<br><br>Alara Sage (17:03.556)<br>of that numbness and not being in your body. And then the second one that you said was that you would move so fast, right? Like slow movement was like, wait, what? Cause then I'd actually have to like move into my body and be more aware of it. Right? So again, this can show up as like people who are insistent on just doing, doing, doing, doing. They always have to have some sort of something they're focused on and stimulated with. Otherwise what they're going to have to pay attention.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (17:13.631)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (17:18.257)<br>Yep.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (17:29.021)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (17:32.196)<br>to what's going on here, right? So I really love both of those direct call -outs from you. So you started this sensual dance and what is something that you find with regards to the pole, the sensual dance, and perhaps even what you help with your clients that is one of those key factors that really starts to connect them into this idea of pleasure?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (18:02.239)<br>Uh, the key factor I feel, and this word is, is becoming quite a buzzword nowadays, but it's safety. It's, I, it's, the word safety is like, it has two sides because one, it's like, I don't want to play it safe.<br><br>Alara Sage (18:13.508)<br>Yes, absolutely.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (18:26.623)<br>Like I hear that quite a lot with the people who want to work with me. I don't want to be playing it safe. I don't want to be playing small. But then at the same time, there's this wounded inner child that actually needs that safety. And so what are you doing? You're constantly perpetuating a reality in which you can get that safety from either a partner, from your bank account, from your business or from your clients.<br><br>Instead of, so this is where my work comes in, which is helping people really access that safety within themselves. So I like to go deeper and actually just say presence, really starting to master what it is to be present with yourself. And that is going to take the time that it takes because I cannot teach someone pleasure until they are really learning what it is to rest.<br><br>Alara Sage (19:06.818)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (19:23.103)<br>in the knowing of what is here. If you cannot find that rest, then pleasure cannot organically come through. And then it's going to go more on the side of performance, of like, oh, well, I'm just going to feign it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes that is the path that people need to take. I know I definitely needed to take that path, but it wasn't until I really started listening and actually allowing myself to feel the earth.<br><br>Alara Sage (19:26.212)<br>Mmm, mmm, so delicious.<br><br>Alara Sage (19:36.804)<br>Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (19:52.031)<br>and feel my spine, my inner pole, and really like I've got me.<br><br>That is the hardest thing for people to do.<br><br>Alara Sage (20:02.532)<br>Hmm. I love how you pointed out the two parts of pleasure, right? Because yeah, I mean playing safe is staying in your comfort zone, right? And it's ultimately because you don't feel like you're actually safe, right? You don't, that inner child version of you doesn't feel safe. So instead you, you play small, you stay in your comfort zone, you avoid situations where you are expanding and placing yourself in, in really in just areas that you're not familiar with.<br><br>But that's different than actually believing fundamentally, I've got me, I have my self -trust, I have my conviction, I have my personal power always to lean on. I am self -sourced, right? I am self -sourced. And therefore, this great sense of safety, which actually allows us to then step well out of our comfort zone.<br><br>with that sense and even with immense chaos, even with whatever our lives love to throw at us, you still have that inner anchor. So that's so beautiful. And I love that you first work with people through presence first. So what is some tips or tools that you like to teach people to connect to presence?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (21:04.157)<br>Yep.<br><br>Oh yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (21:13.151)<br>Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (21:21.727)<br>First things first is introducing them to their breath. I laugh now, but that was so not an easy thing. Like, it's a very, like, breathe. It's so simple. The concept, so much of this is conceptually very simple to grasp. But when it comes to the soma, oh, this is, I mean, this is why I love this work. I mean, it's like...<br><br>Alara Sage (21:27.074)<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage (21:37.348)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (21:51.519)<br>There's so much patience that's required to really like what it is to intentionally invite air, invite breath into you. Feel that inhale and then the exhale. Yeah. And that's all you're doing at first is just connecting to your breath. I wouldn't even go so far as to be like, Oh, let's go into breath work.<br><br>because breath work that requires more sensation. So it's more just like, again, following the path of your breath naturally without forcing it to do anything else. And then gradually just seeing how much lower, how much deeper can I bring my breath? So that's one tool is your breath. The other tool that I really love to do is grounding touch. So to start, you could just do maybe the shoulders, shoulders and neck.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:16.804)<br>Mm -hmm. Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (22:46.879)<br>and just feeling.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:48.74)<br>So where you're holding your shoulders with your hands.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (22:52.733)<br>Uh huh. Yeah. And you're just feeling the press of your hand. So it's literally like, Oh my God. Yes, please. Yeah. And you're just here and you're just, you're inviting your shoulders to relax. You're inviting your shoulders to come down just a wee bit more. Again, it's, it's setting the pace. Instead of me saying relax your shoulders, I'm going to invite you. It's an invitation.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:58.98)<br>Oh, that feels so good. I've never done this.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (23:20.991)<br>I'm inviting my shoulders that, okay, you're invited to come down just a wee bit more instead of forcing, instead of needing to fix this. It's just, I'm just here with myself. You know, that's, that's something that you could do. And then if you want it to go even lower, you could do the pelvic region. So like the hip bones. So really pressing into your, I feel that.<br><br>Alara Sage (23:32.356)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (23:44.9)<br>Hahaha! Yeah!<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (23:48.817)<br>expect that to happen with a first timer. I've been doing this for quite a while and I'm also just really sensitive to energy. But yeah, so again, just that ground and just like really feeling the pressure that just the, not pressure, the depth of your touch. So those are a couple things that...<br><br>Alara Sage (24:07.812)<br>Ah.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:13.668)<br>Beautiful.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (24:14.655)<br>that I would work with. And then of course, there's always nature, you know, like going out in nature. I mean, it's just sometimes I feel like a broken record when I say this. However, with this work, it's simple. The concepts are simple. Yet when you're dealing with the body, when there's so much trauma, maybe when there's so much suppressed emotion and it's not just from this lifetime, it's also ancestral. It's also past lives.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:16.674)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (24:43.935)<br>So there's so many layers. So it's really like allowing yourself to ease into it rather than just going in.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:47.492)<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage (24:55.428)<br>Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm the same way. I'm always like, gaya, gaya, gaya, out into nature. She's such a mother to us, you know? And there's been so many times in my life where when I've gone through immense challenge, just going out into her daily and having so much emotion or feeling so tense, you know, long before I was embodied, and she would just strip all that tension away. And I would just always leave her space just, ugh.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (25:03.615)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (25:19.647)<br>Mm.<br><br>Alara Sage (25:24.868)<br>You know, I feel so much better. And so she's always been a dear one for me as well. So let's take it now a little bit deeper into the conversation as far as for those practitioners, for those listeners who are comfortable with their presence, you know, are more in their body. How did they start to connect to this pleasure?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (25:27.613)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (25:40.445)<br>Mm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (25:47.743)<br>Okay, so let's go. So when you're in presence, when you're in presence long enough, your body actually will start communicating to you via sensation or movement where there's a potential access point for pleasure to start coming through. So this is where curiosity, the muscle of curiosity starts to get flat.<br><br>Alara Sage (25:48.836)<br>hahahaha<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (26:13.951)<br>of, okay, what are the sensations that I'm feeling right now as I'm allowing myself to rest? And then what would happen if I followed the buzzing sensation that I'm feeling in my chest? And then this is where you can apply what would happen if I just extended my chest? What would happen if I applied touch? What if what happened if I applied a specific type of touch, right? So this is something that I really like. We go.<br><br>deep into playing with this and exploring what would happen if I use sound, right? What would happen if I like, it's just curiosity. And then just now allowing yourself, just as we did in presence, now you're allowing yourself to really live in that curiosity space and like letting that sensation get bigger and bigger and bigger. So that would be the thing of pleasure coming in.<br><br>Alara Sage (27:10.14)<br>I love that so much and I can definitely feel that and I experienced that every day in my meditations as well. And do you teach your clients as far as you know, that's absolutely very much in the body and then are they applying that through their day to day life? Are they kind of like seeking those same kind of sensations or<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (27:18.173)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (27:30.943)<br>Yes, please.<br><br>Alara Sage (27:36.886)<br>information that they are in their body out now in their reality to kind of be curious about that and move into that or breathe into that.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (27:46.527)<br>Oh, yes, please. I mean, there's, it's so funny that you say that, like the, the regular life or like the life outside and their body is following them everywhere. I mean, your body is following you everywhere. So everything that you're doing right in your practice, you could take it out into the real life or like the, um,<br><br>Alara Sage (27:55.236)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (27:58.98)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (28:10.111)<br>your reality and really make the most out of the mundane. This is one of the things that I work on with my clients because there's so much mundane stuff that fills up our life. And so getting curious about, well, what would happen if I started circling my hips while I'm writing this email to this client? What would happen if I allow myself to flirt with the trees and like maybe engage in an energy exchange with the trees?<br><br>Alara Sage (28:30.05)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (28:39.165)<br>hearing the wind, even taking pleasure in just the sounds of cars going across the street. I mean, there's just like your world basically becomes your playground. Like the more and more you train yourself to start really learning how to regulate yourself in pleasure, to really hold that sensation, your whole world, you're going to see magic everywhere.<br><br>Alara Sage (28:46.788)<br>Cough cough<br><br>Alara Sage (28:52.738)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (29:08.324)<br>Yeah, it reminds me of my higher self came to me one day and I run and I've never enjoyed running. And I used to actually really absolutely despise it, but it really was good for my body in conjunction with the yoga and other things I was doing because it was the cardio a little bit more anyways. And my higher self came to me and said, you don't have to experience this, you know, distaste of running.<br><br>And I was running, right? I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, this sucks, right? This sucks. And my herself was like, what if it didn't, right? What if you just breathe into your body and you found the pleasure in it? And so I was like, okay. So I started breathing in and relaxing and relaxing and relaxing my body. And of course, sure enough, what started happening was I started getting<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (29:39.239)<br>Yeah, this sucks!<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (29:52.287)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (30:05.444)<br>waves of bliss moving through my body. And then it became orgasmic, you know, and I was like, wow, okay, you know, higher self, you're right as always, you know, oh, to the higher self, oh, to the higher self. But it was such a beautiful, cause I had been running free. I'm not really a runner in any way, shape or form. I just do a little bit of it for exercise, but I'd been running for many, many years of my life.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (30:08.543)<br>Yeah. Uh -huh.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (30:15.519)<br>Yes, please. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (30:31.556)<br>And it made me laugh because I was like all these years, you know, I'm ready going, this sucks, this sucks. And I'm actually a super positive person. I come at everything positively, but it just, I found it really challenging for my body. My body didn't really, you know, it didn't feel good. And all I had to do was like breathe into my body and choose to experience it with pleasure. And then it became orgasmic. It was like the simplest.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (30:37.503)<br>It's sad.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (30:48.669)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (30:59.044)<br>The tiniest little thing that changed my experience completely.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (30:59.089)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (31:03.615)<br>Yeah, it was the choice. You made a choice. And so that goes to attention and intention, marrying one another. And that's how you have magic. Right. So that's beautiful. And I would also add to it's like the distaste. I mean, like, again, it's all here for your pleasure. So like, that's interesting. Why is the distaste there? Can I allow myself to breathe into that? Right.<br><br>Alara Sage (31:30.308)<br>Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (31:30.655)<br>It's like, while still holding the intention, because you already cast it, you cast the spell of I choose pleasure. Great. So if this taste comes in, well, I've chosen pleasure. So let me find the pleasure in it by allowing yourself to feel it fully. It's what pleasure is, feeling it fully.<br><br>Alara Sage (31:43.684)<br>Yes. Yes. Yeah. So that was definitely one of my experiences of like taking something that I would say was not pleasurable and really shifting it into pleasure. Do you have one for yourself or one from a client perhaps?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (31:57.213)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (32:01.599)<br>Oh, I heard a Y just came into my head, but I'm going to go with it. So it was brushing teeth. Like the most mundane, like everybody's on autopilot when it comes to brushing their teeth. And something about this one client I was working with, I was just like, you know what, let's just make a practice. Every time you're brushing your teeth morning and night, imagine your gums are your clit.<br><br>And that changed the game for her. Now she was like, really loving, looking forward to taking her toothbrush.<br><br>And brush it because it was a vibrating toothbrush too. So it was like, just my gums are my clit. At first it was awkward as hell. She was like, Oh God, Natalie, like, what are you saying? But then she was like, you know what? I'm open. I'm willing. Like, let me just try it on. And then there was so much pleasure that surprised her actually by the most like mundane thing. I mean, it's healthy.<br><br>Alara Sage (32:46.628)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (33:06.54)<br>Oh my God, I love that so much. My mind just got blown. I'm like jaw dropped, like I wanna go brush my teeth now.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (33:12.287)<br>Everybody go brush your teeth and pretend your gums are your genitals.<br><br>Alara Sage (33:20.708)<br>I love that. Oh my God, because it is something you do every day. You're usually not like even, you know, paying attention while you do it. Yeah. Mmm. Delicious.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (33:24.925)<br>Yeah!<br><br>No, you're just like, yeah. So that was that was the first thing that came into my head. So I'm like, I'm going to go with it. But yeah. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (33:35.652)<br>I love it. I love that so much. Oh my gosh. And so how is this movement to everything is here for my pleasure. How has that evolved? So we talked about your depression and all that beautiful story to where you are now and how you experience your reality. But I can kind of, you know, I think I know, but let's hear it from, you know, the horse's mouth.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (33:39.495)<br>Oh yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (33:48.007)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (33:54.109)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (34:04.815)<br>So where am I now? I mean, there's such a...<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (34:17.343)<br>Like nothing really phases me at this point because I feel quite unstoppable because it's all here for like when you truly get this in your body, it's like it's everything is just information. Everything is divination. It's just a gift.<br><br>that I get to breathe into. And it's only a portal into a deeper layer of understanding myself. Like I'm obsessed with myself. I'm obsessed with getting to know every single nook and cranny of what makes me me. I was not like that in the past. I never wanted anything to do with me. Thank God I was an actor at that time because it gave me so much joy to just play other different characters, anything so I won't have to feel myself.<br><br>because I was worthless. That was the belief I was telling myself. I did not deserve to exist. And now existence, I am devoted to my existence. I am devoted to breathing in the richness of my existence. And that gets to come with the anger. The anger gets to come with that. The pain gets to come with that. And the utmost joy. Like, I am daring to love.<br><br>in ways that I never would have allowed myself to.<br><br>Alara Sage (35:42.626)<br>Mmm, that is so delicious. Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (35:43.359)<br>You can reject me all you want. But it's like my heart is still remaining open. Whereas before I maybe wouldn't have done that. I would have closed down. I would have just been like, ah, like, nope, it's better to just stay small. It's better to dim my light. But at this point, I'm like, I'm going to die one day. Yo, like, I'm going to die one day. And might as well just devote myself to like really just.<br><br>Alara Sage (35:50.884)<br>Mm. Yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (36:10.111)<br>falling and rising in love and worship with this vessel and this, the gifts that came with this vessel. The mystery of me.<br><br>Alara Sage (36:19.492)<br>Yes. I truly believe that it's when we close our heart that we actually feel the pain. And when we really keep our hearts open, we can only really do that from a state of self -love. So when we're capable of holding our hearts open like that, it doesn't matter how other people react to us or act towards us. We have our boundaries as far as we're not going to hang out with people who treat us poorly. But at simultaneously, if somebody says something to us, great.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (36:26.899)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (36:43.647)<br>Oh yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (36:47.81)<br>good riddance for you, you know, like I had that's not going to stop my heart. That's not going to shut me down, right? Because of your projection or perception. It's such a beautiful way to live. And it takes that level of self -love, right? To have that open heart, maintain that open heart. I also love what you say about just the devotion to life. I can really feel that in you. One of the lessons I've learned is that suffering is grace. Very similar.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (37:03.391)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (37:12.477)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (37:17.524)<br>uh, feeling in, in the, the feelingness of it. There's just this beauty to suffering that when you really just sink into it, you breathe it into your being, right? And you just really soak it up. There is this just grace of God. There's that is where God meets, you know, where the polarities meet and God has revealed. It's so tremendous. It's so tremendous. Every time I say it, I start.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (37:46.271)<br>Yeah!<br><br>Alara Sage (37:46.604)<br>Welling up, you know, welling up with tears and like the beauty of it. And just as you said, it creates this feeling of unstoppable, right? Because it doesn't matter the level of difficulty or challenge or what's thrown at you when you have that capacity to breathe in and surrender. It'll just be what it's going to be, right? And as you love to say, you can still experience it as pleasure.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (38:13.503)<br>Yeah, it's all here for your pleasure. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (38:16.996)<br>So, so, so delicious. And any other words of wisdom or things that you want the audience to know about this mindset, this way of seeing reality, this way of living, this way of being?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (38:19.667)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (38:35.167)<br>Ugh.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (38:40.575)<br>This way of being is something that comes with a lot of stigma and...<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (38:52.511)<br>There is so much fear around what it is to really truly experience and to, yeah, to experience pleasure.<br><br>There's, we've been so conditioned to respond from that of pain and that of fear, but pleasure is like, it's quite revolutionary. It's quite an act of rebellion to really say, no, like I get to put my pleasure first. I get to put my pleasure first.<br><br>Because then what that is doing, it's inviting other people as well to go against the grain and to be like, you know what, I'm going to drop deeper into loving myself. I'm going to drop deeper into respecting myself and come home to myself. So you choosing to really bring this energy as your main way of living your life.<br><br>there's a ripple effect. You can become that rising tide that lifts all the other boats around you. So, and at the same time, where I am right now, it took the time that it took. It's not something that I had a lot of trauma that I needed to move through, that I needed to heal before I could just be like, oh yeah, it's all here for my pleasure.<br><br>I find that I really do want to honor some people right now who are in that space where to hear something like that, it's like, it's insulting. It's like, what? Like, how dare you tell me that it's all here for my pleasure? You don't know what I've been through. And you're right. I don't know what you've been through. I will never know what it is to be in your body. And that right there is information for you to go into inquiry of, okay,<br><br>Alara Sage (40:37.86)<br>Yes, yes, yes.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (40:58.111)<br>So I'm feeling activated, but what if this was possible for me? What if I could just pretend that this actually is possible for me to bring in, even if it's just by 1%, just by 1%. It doesn't have to be the full spectrum, just by 1%. And actually, when you end up microdosing in that way, eventually.<br><br>Alara Sage (41:13.348)<br>Hmm... Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (41:22.732)<br>Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (41:24.991)<br>You end up surprising yourself with just the range that you're actually able to travel. So give yourself the grace, give yourself the forgiveness, and really just treat this as an invitation to really just enjoy the journey or to really just be here for the journey of what it is to shift. Because think about it, how many years have you spent?<br><br>in this lens of numbness, dissociation, in constriction, in suppression. How many years have you played that game? So now all of a sudden you're picking up a different instrument.<br><br>So how exciting you get to learn the notes, you get to feel what it is to what the chords are and what symphonies and sounds you can create. And it will be revealed in time.<br><br>Alara Sage (42:09.06)<br>Absolutely. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (42:22.404)<br>But you're not necessarily going to be like, you're not going to necessarily like pick that up and just be, you know, a rock star at that instrument right away. Right. You've got to learn that instrument. Yeah. It's a good, it's a great reminder because we have been in performance mindset and you know, I mean, literally our society has been work, work, work, work, work, go take a little tiny vacation, which most people couldn't even enjoy their vacation. Cause they were still like decompressing, uh, from the grind and this.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (42:29.139)<br>No. Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (42:50.461)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (42:51.652)<br>force of energy to just keep doing and grinding and pushing past what our bodies are saying, pushing past the cyclical nature of our souls and of our beings, right? And so to move into this pleasure mindset, this pleasure way of being is very much like a 180, right? It's the other direction. It's very, very different. It's very out of the box.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:04.317)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:18.525)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (43:18.98)<br>And I love that you bring that forward because I've talked about it to some people and they've just kind of looked at me like, yeah, whatever. That's great for you. But I have this, I have like responsibilities, like as if I have no responsibility, but that's okay. Right? Like we've got to understand we are where we are. I love how you say if we can bring in 1%, right. And start playing one chord or picking up the instrument and just feeling it in your hand.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:24.639)<br>Like, what?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:41.503)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:48.765)<br>Mm -hmm. Yeah. Can go a long way.<br><br>Alara Sage (43:51.492)<br>Yeah, so beautiful. Mm -hmm. Yes, yes. This has been such a delightful conversation, my love. How can people find you?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (43:55.921)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (44:00.703)<br>Yes. So I'm Natalie Kabengian on all of the socials. And yeah, Natalie Kabengian on all the socials. If you want to get to know me and my work and my vibe, that's the place to connect with me.<br><br>Alara Sage (44:13.568)<br>Fantastic.<br><br>Alara Sage (44:19.492)<br>And what is your like primary program or offering that you just really, really love?<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (44:24.671)<br>Oh golly, so I'm in a major, I'm pivoting my business model. So I'm going to be launching, I can't really say too much about this, but it's like my next offering is going to be launched later on in the year. It is, I'm going to be creating, I would say it's almost like a Jedi school for essential movement and the erotic arts. And so,<br><br>If that is something, I would just say, you know, just stick around in my socials and because yeah, yeah, I'm not going to say anymore. It's taking so much discipline to be like, ah, but yeah. So there you go. That's going to be my signature offering.<br><br>Alara Sage (45:00.58)<br>There you go.<br><br>Ha ha ha.<br><br>Alara Sage (45:09.796)<br>Yes, wonderful. I love that.<br><br>I love that. Yes, I call it spiritual kung fu, but that's funny because Jedi was in my space yesterday. So I love how that's what you're calling it. Very specifically Jedi. So that's that's wonderful. My love, thank you so much for being on here today. This was a delicious conversation as I knew it would be.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (45:22.429)<br>Yeah, they're awesome.<br><br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (45:32.765)<br>Yes, please. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. This is such a pleasure.<br><br>Alara Sage (45:39.46)<br>And to the audience, definitely reach out to Natalie. Remember, even, and especially I would say, if this conversation triggers you a little bit, right? Invite yourself into that curiosity. Just invite yourself to that 1%. Just enter her space, right? Get onto her social media and then just kind of let your body process and soak it up, right? Or if you're head on dive in, like you're ready to do the swan dive, then absolutely.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (45:50.791)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (45:55.647)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (46:04.863)<br>Oh yeah. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (46:06.724)<br>dive in and maybe prepare yourself for that for that launch of her academy. That sounds delicious.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (46:13.083)<br>Oh my god yes yes please oh I'm so stoked yeah big changes.<br><br>Alara Sage (46:18.27)<br>Yay, definitely. Thank you all so much to everyone and until next time. I love you all so very much.<br><br>Natalie Kabenjian (46:26.719)<br>Bye.<br><br><br></p>
