Exploring the Desire to Feel Special

Alara Sage (00:01.808) Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ecstatic Woman podcast, where we activate and inspire women in their power, in their authenticity, and of course, in their bliss. I'm your host, Laura Sage. I am a womb shaman, an activator facilitator of Kundalini Shakti, and I am the ecstatic life mentor. This here is a solo episode where I get to be with you, the audience, intimately and discuss, although it's kind of one -sided, isn't it? topic for the show. And honestly, I didn't have a topic when I came down here. I say down here because it's down to get to my studio, which is a little surprising because I usually have so much to talk about. And so I reached out to my academy, the Unity Academy that I have and asked them if there was a topic they wanted to discuss so that they could give me an idea. Alara Sage (01:15.696) And it came through the topic of our desire to be special, to be seen as special, maybe to feel special. And I thought, wow, that's a really good one. I like that. My first inclination was to say, let me contemplate that for a week, and then I'll bring it to the show. And instead I thought, hmm, what about if I just contemplate it on the show? That'll be something different than I usually do. And maybe it'll help you as a listener play with the art of contemplation. Alara Sage (02:05.712) So just briefly, you know, contemplation is this ability to ponder. to inquire. to question. And if you're really in contemplation from a spiritual side of things, you're doing it from a sense of curiosity. There's no necessarily end role or result or goal. You're just simply allowing for yourself to perceive the information, the experience, the different angles that there might be with regard to a topic. or an aspect of reality. So let's contemplate this together. Alara Sage (03:01.68) Humanity's need to feel special to be seen as special Alara Sage (03:10.256) So first off, let's. contemplate our own need for that. I definitely have felt this. I've definitely experienced it. And I feel like growing up, I didn't feel all that special. In high school, I felt anything but special. I just felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Alara Sage (03:43.504) When I left the country at 19 years of age, I felt special. When I came back to visit two and a half years later, I felt special because I was coming back to the same town, the same state, and everybody was doing the same thing. Meanwhile, I had left the country at 19 years of age, all by myself, traveled from country to country by myself, became a dive instructor, and experienced a lot in two and a half years. Alara Sage (04:34.192) And I remember from that point on. Alara Sage (04:41.008) Whenever somebody would ask me what I did when I was back home visiting My family which were rare occasions Somebody would say, what do you do? And I would say, oh, I'm a dive instructor. I live in, fill in the blank with some exotic country. and their eyes would light up. They'd be like, oh, wow. and I definitely felt special. Alara Sage (05:14.672) so much to the point that I remember when I stopped being a dive instructor and moved back to the US. and was asked that question again for a very short time. I worked at the Hilton for like six months and then I managed in bed and breakfast for about a year. Alara Sage (05:45.808) And in that time that I was in San Diego was the time that I did both of those positions. And people would ask me what I did. I never got that same result. Their eyes didn't go wide. Their jaws didn't drop. They just kind of went, oh, or oh, or that's nice. Alara Sage (06:11.536) And I remember... consciously desiring. Alara Sage (06:19.536) to make their eyes go white again. Stand out. Alara Sage (06:31.312) Which is quite peculiar, is it not, because... In some ways, humans try everything they can do to fit in and to belong. and then. Not everybody, but I think we all want to feel special at some point in our lives. Alara Sage (07:02.544) So. There's this push -pull, right? The pull to fit in, the pull to be a part of a community. push to be seen as special, different, brilliant. Alara Sage (07:29.456) The other time I would say that I noticed it very strongly in myself was has been with my spiritual gifts. Initially when I was bringing my gifts to other people. and helping them. and they would feel the energies or they would feel the healing or I would say something that struck them. I would get that reaction again. The wide eyes. Alara Sage (08:04.656) And I would be like, oh, there it is again. Alara Sage (08:15.024) feeling special. for my spiritual gifts. Alara Sage (08:25.104) And I wouldn't say that it took very long. for myself to be seeing the gifts in everybody else. Alara Sage (08:38.224) And then you realize that we're all special. Alara Sage (08:49.296) And I think sometimes that's. hard to imagine how can we all be special. Alara Sage (09:03.344) You know, our society has, for a long time, really showcased certain individuals. We have the celebrities. We have the sports. Alara Sage (09:23.024) what do you want to call them? Like the athletes, right? The Olympic winners, right? The politicians, the astronauts, the people who do great things in the world. Alara Sage (09:40.016) And there's a lot of people that do great things in the world that just simply aren't noticed, aren't seen. and perhaps not appreciated for what they do. Alara Sage (09:59.728) Some of those people might not care if they're ever noticed for their special qualities. And maybe some people do care, and they feel like they're not recognized. Alara Sage (10:23.792) So if you contemplate this for yourself, if you can ever think of a time when you felt special. How did it feel? and Why did that feel so good? Alara Sage (10:47.568) I think for me, after so long of being how I felt anyways, I felt out of the community, I felt largely rejected. Feeling special somehow made all of that seem worthwhile. Alara Sage (11:12.88) And now, you know, of course I can see beyond all of that. But I'm sharing with you the truth of how I felt. This was many, many years ago, but it's how I truly felt. Alara Sage (11:33.264) and I think I remember when I started to see everybody's spiritual gifts thinking to myself, oh, well then I'm not really all that special. Alara Sage (11:53.04) And isn't that interesting? Alara Sage (11:58.032) It's interesting how humans believe that if others are special, maybe we're not special, or if others have gifts. Somehow our gifts are not as good as theirs or as unique or special as theirs. Alara Sage (12:21.104) but that's not the case. Alara Sage (12:25.808) What I've noticed as I have seen more and more people and seen them completely for where they've been, where they are now in their evolution and their journey and their pain and all of the gifts that they have available to them. Alara Sage (12:48.688) There's this desire in me for everybody to be lit in their specialness. Let's all ride the little bus. Alara Sage (13:02.928) because when we're all in that unique genius. Alara Sage (13:11.792) were all the puzzle piece that were truly meant to be. here as humanity. Alara Sage (13:25.552) And. Alara Sage (13:29.392) You know, this definitely is rooted in the love of self. Alara Sage (13:37.808) because when we aren't deeply in love with ourselves. We can't always see how truly special we are. Alara Sage (13:54.832) and simultaneously how special everybody is. When we're not truly in love with ourselves, there's still some level of competition. Alara Sage (14:08.4) You know, I mean, everything in our society teaches competition. Humans are naturally competitive beings, I believe. But I also feel that the way that we have angled it, we've angled it largely to compete against ourselves, which hasn't really benefited us. Alara Sage (14:39.728) Because when we're just competing against each other, we're trying to be the one that comes out on top. The most special of all. Alara Sage (14:52.304) That's not reality from the perspective of God. Which is ironic because I feel like even religion has taught that. Religion has taught our end, not all religion. Let's be clear. But there are some religions who have taught that our religion is the right religion. It's the special one. And those other religions are not the special one. Our God is the right God. Our God is the special God. There are no other gods. Heaven is the special place to go. Everything is rooted in specialness. Alara Sage (15:39.76) But when you get to the core of that feeling in your own body, Alara Sage (15:47.696) you'll find that you want to be seen. You find that the core of that is wanting to be seen. This is another one that I've worked very strongly with myself for Alara Sage (16:11.696) From my experience, it really does come from a sense of inadequacy. We want to be special. We want to be seen because we fundamentally don't really believe that we're special. We don't really believe. that we're worthy. Alara Sage (16:37.2) And that's a painful belief. The unworthiness is one that I have worked with very deeply in myself. Alara Sage (16:51.6) However that wants to come through for you unworthiness of love unworthiness of money unworthiness of connection unworthiness of being seen unworthiness of your life flowing with ease and grace unworthiness of bearing children unworthiness of great sex Whatever it is all the same. Just project it out into different aspects of your reality. Alara Sage (17:29.392) The other side of it often is also with the special, the conversation of desiring to be special, desiring to be seen as special, oftentimes comes from some sort of relationship with our parents and our siblings. maybe, you know, seeking one parental. One parents love more and maybe you don't get it, right? And so maybe you feel like you're not special or you feel like you have to do something to be more special. Alara Sage (18:16.464) So when we allow ourselves to feel it in our bodies. Alara Sage (18:27.088) We can. the ache of it the ache to be seen the ache to be loved and You know with contemplation. It's always fun to play with something from Various different angles and some of the best angle that you can come at is paradox, right? so if you contemplate Feeling special wanting to be special Alara Sage (19:01.168) Believing that there are people who truly are more special than others like just take that angle for just a moment whether you truly believe it or not and Allow yourself to see as I mentioned The people that we've placed on pedestals the people who have excelled The Nobel Prize winners, right the people who've done great humanitarian efforts let's let's think of these people for a moment as special and They have something special about them, that they have been able to really, you know, make an impact on the world, right? Be seen for something. Leave a legacy, right? Whatever this is. Alara Sage (19:50.064) And we could really attest to this, right? We could really attest to. Michael Jordan was special, right? He was told he was a horrible basketball player when he was a kid and that he wouldn't make the team. I think this is true. Don't quote me on any of this. I just recently heard it. Anyways, point being is his beginning wasn't easy. It wasn't like he was just this like prodigy. He worked for it. Alara Sage (20:27.312) And so that's something special, isn't it? Or is it? Well, he wasn't a prodigy or was he? Was his specialness basketball or was his specialness passion and desire? just questions, they're just contemplation. And if he hadn't, you know, worked so hard, would he still be as special? Alara Sage (21:00.048) Or was his special because he had a level of resolve within him, of dedication, of devotion, of grit. Is that what made him special? Alara Sage (21:16.4) What about the artists and the, you know, what comes through is Jimi Hendrix of The Doors. I don't know why he pops in, but he was a superb writer, poet. and singer, of course. And that seemed to be quite a natural talent. So did that talent make him special? Alara Sage (21:46.32) What about his heavy drug use and off the wall -ness? Does that take away his specialness? Alara Sage (22:03.472) My dad actually, I don't know, you know, there's a movie about the doors and I grew up listening to the doors because of my father. And after my dad watched the movie, he wouldn't listen to it for a really long time. He was, he was quite offended, disgusted, I don't know what with Jimi Hendrix and his behavior. So just contemplating right in my father's eyes was Jimi Hendrix no longer special. Does somebody's behavior. take away the specialness of their being, of their talent. Alara Sage (22:42.192) What if their specialness is illegal, right? What if they're really good at hacking into things and stealing things from people and their hacking ability is their specialness? Does the fact that it's illegal take away from that specialness? It's intriguing. It's all just contemplation. What makes somebody special? And is that even real? So let's go the other direction now with this. What if we think of everybody being special in their own way? And let's put everybody on a level playing field. And there really is no hierarchy whatsoever. It's almost like as I say those words, it's I can feel humanity struggling with that. Like, no. That doesn't work. You have to have people who are above others, but we don't. We don't have to have hierarchy. We don't have to have people that are perceived as better, even in competition. Alara Sage (23:57.424) Like if you take football, American football, like one team can be, you know, doing great for years and then they can just plummet off the scoreboard. And it's just kind of like, where'd they go? All of a sudden they're no longer special. Alara Sage (24:20.528) So what if nobody's really special or everybody's really special in their own unique ways? Does that satisfy our need to put people up on pedestals to define somebody as better than another? Alara Sage (24:44.976) I don't think it does. Not for humanity. I don't really care personally, but I think because we are so rooted. in unworthiness as a population. We are so rooted in self -criticism, self -judgment, and self -hatred. Alara Sage (25:11.728) shamefulness. Alara Sage (25:17.712) that we create heroes. We create idols. We create gurus. We create celebrities and stars. Alara Sage (25:37.168) so that we can attempt to connect to that part of ourselves. Alara Sage (25:45.456) very much like the deities that are taught. The deities aren't separate from us. The deities aren't separate from God. They are simply examples of the way that consciousness can express itself. And they're there so that we can see that aspect in ourself. Alara Sage (26:17.776) So like the deity of Durga who was the warrior and she, you know, defeated the demon that was that was destroying men. She was courageous, ruthless in that moment. So we look upon her, we look to her to find that within ourselves. Is that what we do when we deem somebody else as special? Are we doing that in an attempt to feel special in ourselves, to feel it, to recognize it within ourselves? Alara Sage (27:04.528) Just questions to ponder. Again, this is a contemplation. So outside of my personal experience that I shared with you, all the rest of this is simply contemplation. Alara Sage (27:23.824) And what happens if... we all begin to see ourselves as special. Alara Sage (27:33.808) What changes in humanity if every single human, or let's even just say the majority of humanity, could see their own unique genius? Maybe not apply it. Maybe they didn't fully understand it. But what if they could just see that they themselves? have a unique genius that they themselves are special in their own way. Alara Sage (28:09.328) How would humanity change? Alara Sage (28:14.896) I get an image of like a lifting up, like humanity would be lifted up from the bottom up, right? Like. Alara Sage (28:26.256) everybody would be happier. Alara Sage (28:34.32) Would everybody be happier if everybody could see themselves as special? And if they could see everybody else as special? Now that's interesting, isn't it? Because if they only saw themselves as special, then maybe they would try to make themselves the guru, right? Make themselves the idol. Make themselves the celebrity. They call that like Jesus syndrome or something like that. There's cult leaders who do that, who think, wow, I am so special and I need to present myself to you people and you need to just love me and do what I say because I'm so special. Alara Sage (29:32.144) So are those people truly seeing the specialness of everybody or are they just, you know, quote unquote, seeing the specialness in themselves? Alara Sage (29:50.384) And what happens if everybody thinks, everybody truly believes that everybody is special. Does the very definition of special change? Alara Sage (30:09.296) Because what is the definition of special? It implies. Alara Sage (30:19.312) something more important, something of higher value than others. So if everybody's special. Is nobody special? Alara Sage (30:43.696) really a wonderful ponder, a wonderful contemplation. Because if that's the case, which I sense, I sense that if we all truly saw ourselves and each other as special, the very definition of special would redefine itself. Alara Sage (31:11.44) and Alara Sage (31:17.808) it would be more along the lines of the puzzle piece. Because let's be real. If you have a puzzle, every single piece of that puzzle is special, literally. Because there is no other piece like it. And without that piece, that one piece, the entire puzzle isn't complete. You could put all the other pieces together and you will have a hole. You will have a point that is missing. Alara Sage (32:03.567) So aren't we all just puzzle pieces that have very unique shape that no other puzzle piece has that exact shape? that exact, you know, coloration, which obviously I'm not referring to skin. I'm referring more to like our personalities and our gifts and our talents. Alara Sage (32:37.456) So our puzzle piece is the only puzzle piece. that makes us special. Alara Sage (32:53.872) So can you see yourself as that puzzle piece? Which puzzle piece? That puzzle piece. Which puzzle piece? The only puzzle piece that's special, which is all the puzzle pieces. Alara Sage (33:16.656) And can you acknowledge that without you? there is a hole. in the puzzle. Alara Sage (33:33.2) And is that enough? truly realize your unique genius. Is it enough? for you in and of yourself to feel whole and complete. Alara Sage (33:56.944) Through my journey with it again for me it has really come down to self -love Alara Sage (34:08.976) and allowing myself to love myself for my unique gifts completely. that my unique gifts and the collection of unique gifts that I have is special to me. I'm the only one that has that exact combination. As you were the only one that has your exact combination, but we have to love our combination first. We have to see it. We have to see our unique combination of gifts. gifts and talents and skills first. Alara Sage (35:00.752) to really be able to feel safe in seeing everybody's. Not just your close friends, not just the people that you like and get along with, but everybody's. Everybody's. Alara Sage (35:28.08) So I invite you to contemplate that for yourself. Are you special? What is it that makes you special? What are your unique gifts and talents? Write it down. You have a lot of them. And as you write it down, notice that you're the only one that would have that exact combination. Whatever that combination is, nobody else has it. Alara Sage (36:04.56) And do you find yourself as you write this list? Perhaps measuring. giving values to each one of those skills. Where do you perceive some of those skills to be more valuable, more special than others? And why? Alara Sage (36:33.936) And how do you know that? Alara Sage (36:40.976) You don't. not unless you've gone around and asked every single person what their unique code is, and you've looked at all of them and all the humans and you've said, yes, yes, yes, this one indeed it is, it has more value. And then what? Why does it have more value? It's all perception. We're giving it value. That's it. You give it value. You give it meaning. That's all that it comes down to. You either are giving your unique gifts meaning and value, or you're giving somebody else's unique gifts meaning and value. And you're measuring it. And you're saying this one has more value because this one has less value because. And that's all it is. It's a perception. You could literally start to see it the complete opposite direction for both those. You could begin to see all of them is little value. You could begin to see all of them is very valuable or you could just see them. Alara Sage (38:01.424) See yourself. See the beauty of the pieces that came together for you. Alara Sage (38:27.184) I believe that our desire to feel special comes from our desire to be seen, which comes from our desire to be loved. and we give meaning and value to things all based off of perception. Alara Sage (38:49.584) And the reality of it, in my opinion, is that we are all so incredibly special. Alara Sage (38:58.544) Even those people who have no idea what their gifts and talents are. people who are just struggling to literally stay alive. I believe that those people are just as special as those who are thriving and making a difference, quote unquote, in the world. Because it's all of us together. We all come from the one. We all are the one. We're truly not separate. So when one succeeds to some degree, we all succeed to some degree. When one fails to some degree, we all fail to some degree. Alara Sage (39:52.56) I hope this has been a fun little exercise. And if you feel called, email me info at AlaraSage .com. with how this landed for you. What did you contemplate while you heard it? There's no right or wrong. Absolutely none for my eyes. You could tell me that you're the most special person in the world, and I would receive that completely. Or you could tell me that you are not special at all, and I would receive that as well. But I would love to hear it either way be curious to know how did the contemplation exercise go for you? So thank you so much for joining me here today on this slightly different solo episode than usual I did record this on the day of the April 8th eclipse, so Maybe that had something to do with it who knows I love you all so very much and I will talk to you next time.

Exploring the Desire to Feel Special - Solopisode

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