Episode Transcript
<p><!--block-->Alara (00:03.673)<br>to another episode of the ecstatic woman podcast where we activate and inspire women in their power in their authenticity and in their bliss I'm your host Alara sage my beloved's, you know I talk a lot about sexual power here our sexual energy the importance of it and we also talk about sexual trauma on This podcast. I think it's so important to bring this information to light but not everybody is a<br><br>aware that they've had sexual trauma. You know, our protective mechanisms, particularly as children, are so powerful. We can really bury circumstances and experiences so that we don't have to live in that trauma. Today we have a really, truly wonderful guest. This is a woman that I have been connected to in multiple different spaces and platforms. We always love collaborating and spending time together.<br><br>Colleen Lindbergh, she is a soul mission activator and spiritual guide. Her mission on Earth is to dismantle the conformity infrastructures holding us back so people can fully embody their potency and power. And let me just say, Colleen lives this. She lives her work. She is her own potency and power. Colleen, my love, thank you so much for being here today.<br><br>Colleen (01:23.378)<br>I am so grateful we get to expand together in this container today. So yay, let's roll. I'm so excited.<br><br>Alara (01:33.465)<br>Always so delicious sharing space with you. So yeah, I already feel the energy flowing. Activation's happening. Buckle up everybody. So good. So yes, my love, you have a story that we decided would serve the audience today.<br><br>Colleen (01:39.41)<br>here we go. You guys better be ready. So fun.<br><br>Alara (02:01.145)<br>A story about your own remembrance and realization of your sexual trauma. Would you like to begin to share that with us?<br><br>Colleen (02:11.634)<br>Yeah, well like we were chatting about before we actually hit record, it's for a while I've been feeling like I was being blocked, you know? Like I was like, why am I not being able to kind of move through this next level? I'm doing all the things, like I'm doing the embodiment practices and the somatic work and I'm doing the healing stuff and I'm doing breath work and I'm going to the sound healings, like I'm doing my yoga, I'm doing all the things and...<br><br>Being a spiritual guide, you know, I'm tapped in, like I do the work, I speak to the deities, I have a great time, you know, and I'm like, there's just something that I just can't seem to move through. And this happened, this whole scenario happened in February of this year, but it was late 2023 that I kept feeling the call to meet with Mama Mushroom, or we'll call it psilocybin, in a plant medicine journey. And one of my girlfriends is like,<br><br>loves mushrooms are like her favorite way to kind of drop into a space when she uses plant medicine. And we started kind of asking some questions because I live in Costa Rica and plant medicine is readily available on all the street corners if you desire it to be, you know, and we wanted to find the right facilitator that would be able to hold space for the two of us. We're both pretty potent in our own work. We get and understand the dynamics of this. So we wanted someone not to be guiding. We needed someone to just...<br><br>whole the space that we would go in and discover on our own. So we did and we met this beautiful woman who is like her own potency of power with mushrooms. She grows them herself. She's from Peru originally. The lineage she comes from. It's like the one of the most beautiful like, like the storyline. If you were there with us, you'd be like this, the weave of all of this movement through the field. So.<br><br>drop into ceremony with this intention of like figuring out like what is blocking me? Like what is really happening in my field of awareness that I don't have a conscious awareness of that something is here moving it through. Now I've only used mushrooms recreationally as a kid, you know, and you know, I didn't have a reference point to what this meant. I've done ayahuasca before. I've done some other plant medicines in my field and I didn't realize like, you know, I'm all in for intuitive hits. Like I'm like,<br><br>Colleen (04:22.962)<br>I was called to this, I'm dropping into this. And so for the first time I did a pretty heavy heroes dose because that's what I was told to do. my gosh, now the dogs are gonna go all crazy. They wanna do heroes dose too, apparently. I know, because the neighbor's dog's barking. This is what's gonna happen for a minute or two. I'm really glad we can do noise canceling background on this podcast. Do you want me to mute for a second? Yeah, okay.<br><br>Alara (04:35.897)<br>They're joining in on the conversation.<br><br>Colleen (05:39.634)<br>Okay, we just got a little bit of growling now. Hopefully that's enough. No, I'm gonna go put them in the room. Just give me a second. You're gonna edit this anyways now, right? Yeah, okay, sorry.<br><br>Alara (05:45.753)<br>Okay, yeah, we're good.<br><br>Colleen (06:17.458)<br>Okay, let's go back into this. Where was I? Hero's Dose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hero's Dose. So we drop into ceremony and I literally drop in right away. Like I don't have any of the come through the portal, we need to convince the body to be in this, anything literally. And even our facilitator was like, you dropped right in. Like I just went right in. Now, first I do the usual kind of mushroom dance where it's,<br><br>Alara (06:18.393)<br>Okay.<br><br>Alara (06:23.129)<br>Yes.<br><br>Colleen (06:47.364)<br>It's like, come and meet your soul family and I'm playing in the ethers. And I'm like, that's not why I'm here. And I was like, cause I remembered why I was coming in. I dropped into a scene when I was 17 and I was like, where am I?<br><br>And everything came back flooding after this started to happen. And I was in a scenario where I was drinking, and I was with some friends with a whole bunch of guys. And I ended up in the space of being super vulnerable in this space of energy. And all my girlfriends left me there, and the guys took advantage of me. Multiple guys. Like, it wasn't just one. It was multiple guys. And I just kept hearing in the ceremony while I was down was this one guy saying,<br><br>and you asked for this. You asked for this. And it was, they kept passing me off, yeah, and passing me off and passing me off and passing me off. And I was on my moon time or bleed at the time too, so there was blood everywhere because it wasn't just about that, but it was also because of the fact that they were literally taking advantage of me. I don't even know how I got home. So when I dropped into this, I came back out of that scenario and I'm obviously<br><br>bawling my face off, like I'm completely drenched in tears. It's like I cried lifetimes and lifetimes of energy out that I didn't know was even there to even release in the space. And I just remember the facilitator was like, you need to drink some water because I was like covered in sweat. And at the time of the ceremony, this was happening, I can't remember, it was on a Sunday. And I usually, I wasn't supposed to be on my moon time at that time. And it came that day.<br><br>So surprisingly and shockingly but obviously not at the same time was I was going back into a remembrance of these moments that had happened in this imprint of the same energy. So I felt like I was bleeding all over the place like I was it was coming out everywhere and I wasn't but in my mind I could just feel the energy of that. So I obviously drop back in after taking some water go back into this phase of everything and I can see myself completely like kind of beaten up. It almost feels like I crawled home because I know<br><br>Colleen (09:01.716)<br>where I was, I know who I was with, I know the guys and I knew where I was because I was close to my house. I remember this whole entire scene. Like I went after I dropped in I was like all the pieces came together. I remember this night and I came home and I...<br><br>My mom had had a lot of rape trauma in her world and a lot of rape trauma in her own life. And I can only imagine what it feels like as a mother to see her daughter come home. Because there was no way I was put together. There was no, I couldn't have been. And I don't know when I landed at home. And I did a lot of forgiveness for her in the ceremony too, because I'm like, how could I expect my mom to know what to do when she hasn't healed any of this in her own world? So it all got pushed back.<br><br>Alara (09:30.201)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (09:48.34)<br>under the rug the next day I went to school and still hung out with these guys because I didn't really remember but or I did and I was like I asked for this and it's interesting to look back on it all because those were pivotal moments that then you know set the tone for the next probably seven eight years of my life and me chasing attention and not feeling worthy and drinking a lot because of this scenario and all the things that came through that but it was like<br><br>One of those things that I was like, wow, well, this would make a whole lot of sense as to why I was being blocked, you know, energetically in the feminine through this energetic. So I'd love to just pause here because I think there's so much to even say about what just kind of moved in. Yeah, go for it.<br><br>Alara (10:31.449)<br>Yeah, seriously. I mean, first and foremost, you know, I just have so much love and compassion for you. And of course, for your courage to share and your courage, more importantly, in my opinion, to go into that space with yourself. Because from my own personal experience of going into these spaces, it takes a lot of courage.<br><br>It's such deep pain that the vast majority of people don't want to go anywhere near. And so I truly celebrate you in that power. And.<br><br>Colleen (11:09.81)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (11:18.425)<br>I love how you started this story with just this something, this something that wasn't allowing your expansion. I want the audience to really hear that, because here is Colleen, who is radically spiritual, deeply embodied. She has been doing the work. That doesn't mean that just because we do the work, because we guide others, we necessarily have all the answers all the time.<br><br>We still have our own personal challenges. And we need those challenges. We all need challenges. This is how we grow. And it's in those moments of like, OK, something is up here. I can feel how I'm not really letting myself fully expand. That level of awareness, yes. But then again, they're like, OK, I need to address this in myself. And so for the audience, realizing for your own self, you can always expand.<br><br>Colleen (11:55.122)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara (12:17.227)<br>You can always change your reality. You can create what you desire. And so if those things aren't happening, there's something there, right? Doesn't mean you're broken. Doesn't mean you're bad. Definitely doesn't mean you're unworthy and inadequate. But there's something there, like whether it's a trauma or what also that came through as you were speaking is when you're speaking to your mother, that's ancestral energy as well. Like she was raped and it got passed down to you and you were like,<br><br>Colleen (12:38.674)<br>yeah.<br><br>Alara (12:43.545)<br>Okay, we're breaking the cycle through the energy of forgiveness. You know, it's so important to understand that this stuff goes so far beyond just this life. I mean, the energy that I've gone into with my sexual trauma has been so many parallel lives, so much ancestral energy on both sides. Like my masculine sexual energy has been grotesque and manipulative and lusty and greedy.<br><br>Colleen (12:54.834)<br>my gosh.<br><br>Colleen (13:00.946)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (13:12.729)<br>You know, and I was I was sexually molested by my grandfather and that's the lineage that he carries. And then, you know, the lineage of my feminine of being sexually used as a sex slave. So I want to just emphasize like we don't have to fully be able to point to one thing and be like, that's it. That's that's what did it in my life. Like we have to understand so many layers and levels to this.<br><br>Colleen (13:12.818)<br>Right? Yep.<br><br>Colleen (13:17.906)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Colleen (13:28.562)<br>Right?<br><br>Colleen (13:42.77)<br>Yep.<br><br>Alara (13:42.809)<br>And just take those steps, right? Just as Colleen did, hear that intuitive hit. OK, I don't know what's going to go on. I trust it. And I take the action, right? And lastly, what I want to bring through is what you said about just going back and hanging out with him. I loved my grandfather. And when I saw what happened, I.<br><br>Colleen (13:52.914)<br>Thanks.<br><br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (14:08.562)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara (14:11.737)<br>didn't even believe it. That's how much I had said, nope, this is a good person in my life. Like, no, he's right somehow. He's right to own my sexual power since I was three. Like, there's something there. He knows what he's doing, right? Like, fuck no, he doesn't. No, no, he doesn't own me. And no, he does, he's not allowed to that. But like, that part of ourselves, it just goes, yeah, I don't know. This must be right. Yeah, I mean.<br><br>Colleen (14:13.298)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Colleen (14:16.914)<br>Right. Yep.<br><br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (14:26.994)<br>Yeah, he does. Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (14:38.93)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (14:39.993)<br>you know, and how many victims end up hanging out with their perpetrators, having relationships with them, you know, and none of that is like, wow, what's wrong with you? Right. Like, why couldn't you see what happened? It's like oftentimes what we do to manage this immense trauma that in all honesty, we just don't have any tool or capacity to begin to unpack.<br><br>Colleen (14:52.242)<br>Yeah. Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (15:09.938)<br>It's like an amazing to watch too. And I say amazing on purpose because when it all started to unfold, I went, my goodness, like this makes so much sense. And at 17, you know, I go to a small school, I'm driven by popularity, I want to fit in. And it was like, I understand now the dynamics of why certain conversations started to happen. Everybody knew.<br><br>And it was like I was the laughing stock behind the scenes that everyone talked about. But I didn't have that awareness that everyone knew, because my driver was to fit in, because I had, you know, daddy issues, let's say, with a very passive father who's in my life still married to my mom and is a beautiful being on earth. But...<br><br>He was passive and I was seeking attention and when I didn't get it from my dad, I sought it in other ways. So this was a way to get it in a very detrimental, obviously, energy and then opening up the doorway to allow this to come in to the field. Now, I say allow this to come in in purposeful energy because somewhere along the way, I consciously created this space for me to go into to learn from.<br><br>And I know that part is like one of the hardest parts for us to swallow when traumatic events like this happen. But there was somewhere in the imprint of the energy. And it most likely is the fact that I get to create now the change in the ancestral lineage. Because the next part of this is I then went back in to those scenes and healed the energy within myself, forgave my own self. I'm like, how did I not know 42 years of being on this earth and doing the work I do, how did I not know that this was a thing?<br><br>You know, so I went back into ceremony that way and dropped in with myself and did that work. Then I did the work in the lineage line in ceremony. And just like you said, then I went into all the past lives showed up where this had happened. You know, all the traumatic events, all the times I had been tortured and raped and molested and taken advantage of, everyone. And then I came out of ceremony and came to my facility, I was like, there's just too many people. That's what I said to her.<br><br>Colleen (17:16.178)<br>And then I dropped back in and the message was, take care of yourself because when you do that, then everything else changes in the energetic field, right? We're right now that calibration that gets to shift that into that energetics. But it's like one of those things that I'm like, okay, so this obviously happened in my wheelhouse for some dynamic of shifting of energy shifting and change. And I didn't come into awareness until I was 42 years old. So what does that actually mean for me? You know, and I'm still working through.<br><br>What does this mean? It's been four months since I discovered this. So it's still like in the field and especially if anyone else has been through plant medicine ceremony, sometimes you don't get the hit until like a year later and you're like, my God, that's what that meant. You know, like it takes you a little, it's integration time, right? So I'm floating in the ethers now going, I get the diet. I get why I was certain ways in relationships. I get why I was always driven.<br><br>towards this. I get why I use sex as a leverage. I get why I, you know, didn't take care of myself this way. I get why I wasn't feeling worthy because everything was attached into this space of this energy of creation within me where I didn't feel worthy because someone had taken that from me and I gave it then to them where it was like, just take it. I'm not worthy enough to whatever all the things, you know? Yeah.<br><br>Alara (18:35.673)<br>Yes, and I really want to touch on.<br><br>how you're saying, you know, at some point you opened your field to this and you created it. And the powerful thing about owning our trauma is that we realize we are so incredibly powerful not only to create our reality. And yes, we are creating our reality, whether it's traumatic or not, we're creating every moment of it. And trauma doesn't get to define us, right? We get to choose what we are defined by. And when we look trauma,<br><br>Colleen (18:46.354)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (19:08.345)<br>head on and say, I see you. I'm not scared of you. I don't have to identify with who you are and who you, you know, project onto me. Then we consume and transmute that energy. And we, like you said, we heal on so many levels, but it is so like it is such a.<br><br>Colleen (19:11.474)<br>Yeah. Yeah.<br><br>Alara (19:30.041)<br>It defines us in our divinity is what it does because we realize through that that we are more than our trauma or more than our body. We're more than this life. We are so massive, interdimensional and powerful that we can experience all of these things, heal them, transform them, move through them and not be defined as them. So.<br><br>You've done some unpacking, and plant medicine definitely creates such a beautiful space of multi -layers of unpacking. What have you seen in your life shift or start to show up? Or have you not yet? Because definitely, sometimes, as you said, it takes some time, some time for the external to really reflect. But yeah, what have you so far experienced that feels like?<br><br>yeah, baby.<br><br>Colleen (20:27.026)<br>Well, I am knee deep in my surrendering years right now, which means like the experience of letting letting go and it feels easier to do that. So when we talk about like really expanding through like our femininity and our creative portals, one of those keys is also in the trusting and letting go energy of of it all. And it's almost like.<br><br>I could breathe coming back. It's almost like I just was like, and I got life differently. So I'm grounded. I love nature. I get the dynamics of what it means, but it's almost like I could see through everything when I got back. And it's like, like I just keep getting this visual of like, like binoculars almost, and then you tighten it up and it gets closer and closer to you. And it's almost like if you can imagine a leaf, there's like a leaf sitting.<br><br>on a tree somewhere and it's like I can narrow into the leaf now and I can see like the droplets of water on the leaf that I couldn't see before. And it's like I always saw the leaf but I didn't see the real leaf, you know? And it's like I don't know how else to describe it. It's like I just can see life different and I am now and I was before but...<br><br>there isn't anything else around it. Like when the challenges are happening and I've been through like, so yesterday technically was my birthday and 43 years around the sun, let's call it. And I look back and look at the life of 42 to 43, it was like very dark and deep and a lot of stuff happened that was like dynamic things. And after this whole entire thing, it's like the dark and the deep are still here, but.<br><br>the way I'm maneuvering through them is just way different. I'm just like, all right, well, this is happening. So what do I need to know? And do I need to do anything right now? Whereas my normal reactor would be like, let's get out of this. How do we move through this? How do we, the very masculine stuff. But I'm like, no, I'm just gonna submit into the space and just be with this. And it's creating these really cool opportunities and things are starting to flow differently.<br><br>Colleen (22:42.226)<br>And my trust with the universe is even more potently aligned where I'm like, I know you got it, so I'm just going to keep moving over here. And literally, they got it. Like, I don't have to worry about it. Things happen, things maneuver, stuff moves. And I'm just like, OK, I feel supported almost in this space. Now, I feel like there's still a lot to discover. Like, there's some, like, there always is. You know? This is why we call it a journey, you know? Yay for us. But it's like...<br><br>the next levels are moving through easier and I feel them in the body. Whereas before they were more in my mind, so I hadn't actually integrated them in yet. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.<br><br>Alara (23:25.625)<br>Yeah, always, always, always a journey. And I want to touch on what you said about, you know, surrender. And one of the things that it's important for all of us to understand is as you were reflecting on the relationship with your father, right, our relationship with our father and with men in our lives, particularly as women and young girls, when we're little, you know, really dictates how we perceive the masculine and our availability to the divine masculine.<br><br>And what happens when we don't have a divine masculine, a strong masculine presence in our energy is, you know, we stop really having that in and of ourselves, our own inner masculine, right? Because it's all like how we take it on as identity. And, you know, the masculine has to trust the feminine.<br><br>Colleen (24:16.018)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (24:16.505)<br>And because she's the guide, she brings forth the information. She really brings forth the power. And largely our society is like, fuck no, man, that shit is insane. Like she's chaotic. We can't trust her, right? And so that distrust puts us up in our head, makes us not able to really sink into our body and just be in the present moment like you're experiencing now.<br><br>Colleen (24:30.642)<br>Yeah. Yeah.<br><br>Alara (24:42.009)<br>And then simultaneously, what the feminine does when that masculine trust isn't there is she displaces her power out of her sexual energy. Like you said, like using sex, this is what I experienced, you know, unconsciously using sex to manipulate, unconsciously giving my sex away, thinking this is what I'm supposed to do. Right. Like not even necessarily in a manipulative form, but definitely in a like, this isn't what I want, but like.<br><br>This is what you want. So here you go. And not just to men, to women who were distorted in their masculine, who were clinging on to my sexual energy. I had another experience with that today, interestingly enough. And other ways that we just, you know, our sexual energy is our power. It's our wealth. It's all interconnected. And when we're like, whoa, this shit ain't safe.<br><br>and I have to utilize it in these really radically manipulated and distorted ways, we're not in our full power. And again, this has been so much of my journey. Jesus Christ, have I not healed so much sexual trauma and sexual energy and sexual power? And like you said, it is still a journey. But I like to point that out about the masculine. And.<br><br>And so for the audience, thinking about what was your relationship to your father. And get really honest with yourself. Because I've had clients being, I love my father. And I'm like, OK, let's go in a little bit deeper. And they're like, yeah, I gave all my power to him. How interesting. Sure, you loved him. This isn't about having necessarily a toxic relationship. I love my father. I love my grandfather. We can still create a lot there in this umbrella.<br><br>Colleen (26:17.746)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (26:31.545)<br>of distorted love. So I invite the audience to contemplate that for yourself and how has that relationship with your father or whoever was the primary masculine in your life, you know, affected the relationship to your own inner masculine as well as other men in your life.<br><br>Colleen (26:33.714)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (26:49.138)<br>It's a powerful thought too, because I used to be a natural hustler, right? So I thought I had to do, do, do. And that's how I did life all the time. And even in work, I was like the best employee. I'd win all the contests. I was always pushing energy into the world, right? Because...<br><br>Look at me, look at me, look at me. You know, like that was the energy. I can do it, I can do it, I can, how did you sell 50 steak dinners tonight? That was what I featured and I told them it was a special, you know, like, so like that's how I sold it, you know, and moved that through the space. Cause my, my.<br><br>Alara (27:08.921)<br>Penetrating, penetrating, penetrating, yes.<br><br>Colleen (27:24.626)<br>father or dad that I call him. And my parents are still together. Like, and like they have whatever union that they create, but my mom was the head of the household. And in a way of like, she wore the pants. I'd go to my dad, he said, what did your mom say? Like, that's just how it always worked. And he would be, you know, he'd come home from work and he would sit on the couch and he would do his thing. And that's how it was. Like he wasn't involved, let's say that way, but he would come out and support like our sporting games and do other things. And<br><br>My mom said to me, like, you had a distorted image about your dad. Like, he's one of the most...<br><br>Like he's emotional and he's like really connected to his heart. And I'm like, well, I didn't see that as a kid because I was looking for a certain framework as a father, you know, that safety net, that being held the different energies that we know today to be the true energy of the masculine. My father didn't represent, and I still don't feel like he is that guy. He doesn't have to be like, but in the reference point of the things I experienced. So I was out there always looking for that.<br><br>I was looking for a safe place. I was pushing against like I I would date I would purposely try to date my GM's or my managers that you weren't allowed to date and I was like and my rebel was always like you watch and within the short periods of time I was always dating them because that's just how I operated and worked because I pushed and I pushed and I pushed and I pushed and sometimes I think I was even like stalker ish, you know, like I could own that you know, like in the space of everything but I was<br><br>there was something in me always driving for this peace, you know, driving for this exploratory place, a place to belong. And I always felt like I didn't. And like, I think belonging is that kind of tricky word because we always belong because we belong right here through our heart centers in the soul world. But as a human, when maybe we're not fully open to this experience yet of what we're moving through,<br><br>Colleen (29:22.194)<br>we're always looking to belong. And I think that's part of the chase of humanity. It's like, how do I find people that get me or how do I be part of something that moves? And that's a whole other concept that we can move into, but like, you know, like the father wound, you know, just it was, and I wouldn't say still to this day because I've done a lot of work around it and I get and understand, but I'm single. So I, I'm still in that space of finding the man that can hold.<br><br>the energy and the potency of what I actually really desire and not what I think I just need, you know?<br><br>Alara (29:58.713)<br>Yeah, and such a beautiful level of awareness there as well. And I'll be intrigued to see what happens right after this healing for yourself. One last thing I kind of want to bring up is the forgiveness because, you know, forgiveness is such a powerful energy. And when I'm working with clients, both, of course, in this life as well as in parallel realities, forgiveness is always the energy that clears it, that transmutes it. And humans have a<br><br>Colleen (30:05.266)<br>Nope.<br><br>Alara (30:28.619)<br>really hard time understanding this. We are really stuck on, I have so many people say, I can't forgive that person. And well, OK, but you're going to hold on to that energy, not them. You're the one that's clinging to that trauma, not them. And trying to understand, help people understand that forgiveness is truly a gift to themselves.<br><br>Colleen (30:31.666)<br>Bye bye.<br><br>Colleen (30:38.194)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (30:52.825)<br>What would you want to say about forgiveness, about your experience with it, with that particular experience or anything else that you want to comment on?<br><br>Colleen (31:02.802)<br>Yeah, so all I knew while I was going through the motions of this and being into this space was that if I didn't forgive myself and I didn't let go of the energy on my mom as well, I wouldn't be able to move forward. And so it was almost like a do or die situation where it's like, well, you get to choose. What would you like? Stay still where you are and you came here, got the answers, but you didn't move the energy.<br><br>or actually move the energy. So then I dropped into that scene and I went back into why this transpired and how this maneuvered through. And then I looked at my mom and I went, how could I ever think that you could have supported me when you haven't supported your own self through this? And work through that energetics and change literally the energy in real time through this experience. And then I did the same with myself where I was like,<br><br>Like you just didn't know. You didn't know and you pushed it back and you know, we talk about regret all the time. This is me having conversation to myself and it's like, we can't regret anything because every single moment brought us to this exact moment of time. So if we start to lead in regret, then we're moving backwards again. So this is like me talking to me, you know, in ceremony. So it's time for us to just let this go and to forgive ourselves and to just accept. And I think acceptance and forgiveness go hand in hand. Accept.<br><br>that this has happened and transpired and accept that this was what you decided at the time was the right move and this is what you did and you buried it deep and that's where it was and you couldn't find it up until now. But what if we look at the space that when it really came through and was necessary, you took the action necessary and said yes when it came up and that's the actual energy that we live and breathe within. And the coolest thing after all this happened and...<br><br>after I cleared all the energy and did all the past life work and ancestral cutting and all the stuff. Like I was like a machine in this like ceremony. Like I was going around and I didn't leave my mat. Okay. My one girlfriend went out in nature, was out by the trees rolling around in the grass and she's like, my God, my body was like purging stuff. I was like, I didn't purge anything. I was literally on my mat, not moving. And someone put toilet paper in my hand at one point to make sure I could clear the tears. Cause I was crying for everyone. I cried lifetimes of tears of<br><br>Colleen (33:25.426)<br>for everyone and I like for all of us like it was like this this massive wave came through of clearing and then once I was done I was sitting in a window seal like kind of like a doorway open in the middle of the mountains and I feel like it was Spain and all I kept hearing was now it's time to rest because the next fight is coming and then I started getting the visions of the future and where I'm being led into and my warrior energy of what I'm holding in the space of next.<br><br>And then my girlfriend who was there with me was there in my own visions and a couple other people I know. And it was like we were all breathing and my girlfriend got the same vision. So she, after she went through her stuff was in the same thing. So it was like the medicine was bringing the message, not just to me, but to us as a collective. And I could just breathe for a bit and honor. And I went, this has happened. It's happened. I feel like this has happened to almost all of us.<br><br>Like almost all of us that are really leaning into the light have had this happen to us somewhere along the way and most of us don't know. And we never knew and we're discovering it now. Over the last few years it's coming up and I think over the next few years it's going to come up for a lot of women out there that are going to be like, my God, I can't even believe that that happened to me too. I don't know why I haven't dove into that imprint yet. Well, I kind of know why actually.<br><br>because our light is so potently aligned and if we can create a distortion in our field to keep us small and minimal, then our light can't potently expand. And it's like it's hidden in the field. It's like a thing that's like, let's hide it from them so they don't know what work they need to do. Anyways, that's just a whole drop in that just kind of dropped in in this real time. But it was like the rest came up and I took the time and I could see it. And it was from another lifetime for sure, like that it was that space, but I was just sitting.<br><br>in the window and our facilitator was channeling specific light language through this whole transition and playing her guitar when she felt called to and it was like she was playing this really soft rhythm of like calm peace when I was in that space and I just felt like okay we've got we got through this phase it's time to recalibrate but the next one's coming so just be prepared and yeah it was a really cool I'm like<br><br>Alara (35:42.873)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Colleen (35:47.058)<br>Ayahuasca is not my medicine. So the side of it is. Like, you know, the connection for me was just like, dropped right in. I could feel it. My body didn't have any challenges holding it. It was like, it was just, yeah, it was beautifully aligned for me, even though I went through some stuff. But then, you know, you come out to ceremony and then it's like a laughter giggle fest and it's amazing.<br><br>Alara (35:49.241)<br>Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.<br><br>Alara (35:59.897)<br>interesting.<br><br>Alara (36:12.473)<br>Yeah, you're so blown open. Yeah, I want to emphasize what you said there around the fact that this has really happened. They already have. I don't remember what the general average is of the amount of women who have been sexually abused in some level, right?<br><br>Colleen (36:14.642)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (36:28.53)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara (36:29.209)<br>it's very, very high. And I feel like that number is just going to increase because I truly do believe that the majority of women and also many, many men have gone through this. And, and that's why I wanted to have this conversation with you because it is one of those things that, you know, we can deny, we can suppress. I did it for myself. I blocked it out of my awareness. and yet, you know, we will, if, if we're willing, we will.<br><br>Colleen (36:40.018)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Alara (36:58.265)<br>be shown it, we will have to come to terms with it, you know, to heal it. And what you were saying about, you know, why, why does that happen? Yeah, we we are, you know, a new generation, we're bringing in a new era of energy. I don't believe that the previous generations were not sexually traumatized. I believe that they all have been. And, you know, sex is power.<br><br>Colleen (37:19.25)<br>Colleen (37:23.666)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara (37:23.737)<br>Sexual energy is very, very powerful, specifically, in my opinion, in women. Our sexual power is so incredibly immense that the light attracts the maws. It attracts the ones who desire that power consciously or unconsciously. That's what I saw in my masculine lineage was this greed for it, this greed that.<br><br>Colleen (37:29.682)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Colleen (37:43.826)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Alara (37:51.993)<br>You know, we think of greed as money, but again, money, sex and power are all the same thing. And this that greed of like, what is that? I want that. And to the point of, again, either consciously or subconsciously taking it from other people. Right. And assuming that that's going to somehow give it to you, which it doesn't. And that's part of their learning journey. Right. That's part of the perpetrators like.<br><br>Colleen (38:08.978)<br>Right.<br><br>Colleen (38:18.322)<br>I don't know.<br><br>Alara (38:20.473)<br>wow, you didn't get power from that. Maybe your ego got some quote unquote power, but true power doesn't come from other people. You can't take power from people. You can only realize it in and of the self. And so I feel like, yeah, I feel like moving forward.<br><br>The owning of our sexual energy and our sexual power is going to transform humanity because I'm so fucking fed up. I'm like in this fed up phase where I'm still getting censored on spiritual platforms. Like I'm on insight timer and I'm calling them out because I reached out to the CEO because I was like, this is not OK. You guys are a spiritual platform.<br><br>Colleen (38:47.57)<br>Yes.<br><br>Colleen (38:55.954)<br>Yeah, that's brutal.<br><br>Alara (39:04.313)<br>You're not posting my stuff. You're denying me because I talk about orgasm and sex and not even I talk about it really beautifully and powerfully. And he's like, you're right.<br><br>Colleen (39:13.522)<br>Yeah, good.<br><br>Alara (39:15.097)<br>Like we need to stop, you know, we need to own this in ourselves and bring this into society and all of us be like, this is innocent. This is who we are, our erotic, natural, innocent, sexual, vibrant, alive selves, like own it, live it, embody it, be it.<br><br>Colleen (39:32.242)<br>Yeah. Yes. Do it. Every time I say the word desire or even pleasure, like, and I'm talking about it in life. Like I'm not even talking about sexual pleasure. I can feel energy pick up sometimes. And I'm like, my God, guys, it's time for us to own all of us, all of it. And especially as women, like you said, like I say to people all the time, I'm like, guys, we have a portal in our bodies. Okay. A soul.<br><br>Alara (39:43.161)<br>Yeah, yes, absolutely.<br><br>Alara (39:49.337)<br>Yes. Yes.<br><br>Alara (39:57.785)<br>Yes.<br><br>Colleen (39:58.546)<br>drops into our physical forms to come to earth. Like that is what we call magic, you know? Like there's potency there. Like, you know, like, it's like, we need to start really owning the fact that this is not just a physical form having babies. Like there is like a whole energy. Yeah, you know, like seriously. Yeah, so good.<br><br>Alara (40:02.809)<br>Yes. Yes, exactly. Yep. Yep.<br><br>Alara (40:14.265)<br>No, it's a magical fucking organ. Magical fucking organ. Yeah. Yeah, so delicious. Really quickly as we're wrapping up, but what was the vision? Don't leave us hanging.<br><br>Colleen (40:28.562)<br>well, we're about in humanity about to go through our next phase of war in the field of everything. And I could see it happening in the space of like the spiritual war that we're about to embark. And the message always just came back is like you're going down fighting. Like that's the energy of it all. It's like our job now as spiritual beings on this earth is to shine as brightly as we can and to keep holding that light and to not dissipate it because we drop into fear or because some other<br><br>agenda is moving through the collective trying to diminish that and it's really about the ownership and about us coming together. Sorry, apparently I'm in a noisy like container today. But us coming together as a collective in unity and it's actually the feminine movement. It's the women stepping up into the space to hold where the warriors of the men are behind us and not because...<br><br>Alara (41:10.361)<br>Hahaha!<br><br>Colleen (41:25.906)<br>We don't need their strength, but their strength is the empowerment of the feminine embodied moving through. And it's that intuitive pull and that creative energy and that movement within ourselves, not just as women gender, but women feminine energies everywhere that's going to change the world. And it has to be though in the potency of it. And we can't have the fear and we can't be half in and we can't be pretending that we might want to do it.<br><br>It's like, we're there and we're in it. Like literally I saw myself standing like in a warrior outfit with my two dogs in their warrior outfits like right beside me. And it's like, and it's obviously not giving me a vision of potentially a war physically. It's the whole massive meaning behind it all. So it's like the main vision is we are now in a place of fire energy, light it up.<br><br>Stop diminishing your light. Stop fucking around with the things that you think you need to. It's time to make the choices and decisions and fully step in.<br><br>Can I just have that rest back? I'd like to go back to Spain, please. But I understand the call. I get why I'm here. I get why I've chosen to be incarnated. I get my mission on Earth. And this is part of the pathway. And I'm meant to lead. And I'm meant to be in the front line. And my job is to keep lighting more lights, as many as I can, whether it's through us having a conversation, whether it's through content, whether it's through other work I do, it doesn't matter. It's just like, how can we get the message out as far and wide as we can? Because each.<br><br>Alara (42:33.336)<br>hahahaha<br><br>Colleen (43:00.018)<br>person matters in this endeavor. So yeah.<br><br>Alara (43:03.065)<br>Yes, absolutely. And you know, listening to our bodies rest when our bodies say rest, because in these types of energies, there's these big ebb and flows, ebb and flows, contractions, right? They're birthing contractions. And so, you know, giving birth, you learn like when that contraction stops, you settle in, you breathe, you rest, because the next one's coming. And if you're not resting, you wear yourself down. And so, you know, we all must heed.<br><br>Colleen (43:23.794)<br>Mm -hmm.<br><br>Alara (43:31.129)<br>the wisdom of the body. When it says rest, listen, do it so that we can be available to this bigger process that we're all moving through that truly serves the higher good of humanity, as well, of course, as the higher good of our unique souls and consciousness itself. Colleen, this has been such a delicious conversation. How can people find you, reach out to you, connect with you?<br><br>Colleen (43:55.442)<br>Yeah, well I always say my playground is Instagram, so you guys can find me there. I'm sure my link will be in the show notes and if not, I'll send it on over and it will be. But come hang with me over on Instagram, you know? Send me a message if you've watched this, listen to it and you took something from it. Like I just love to communicate with people that are in the field with us and yeah, let's just keep moving, so.<br><br>Alara (44:16.793)<br>Yay, beautiful. And you have a light language album coming out. When is that being released?<br><br>Colleen (44:22.002)<br>Well, I have the first single ready to go. So within the next few weeks, I just have to learn the technology on how to get it out into the ethers. And it'll be out. But yeah, the first single is called Into the Wild. And I can't wait to share it with humanity. It's going to be fun.<br><br>Alara (44:37.625)<br>So delicious, my love. I'm really celebrating you with that. Yes. Wonderful. Yay. And thank you once again for your courage in all manners of your expression as a human here on this earth.<br><br>Colleen (44:42.034)<br>Thank you.<br><br>Colleen (44:51.442)<br>I so appreciate you and thank you for having me here. Like and just for us to be juicy and delicious together. It's been awesome.<br><br>Alara (44:56.985)<br>Yes, absolutely, yes. And to the audience, please share this recording. Again, this is one of those things where women need to hear this. They need to hear that maybe they have had sexual trauma and they're not aware of it. Maybe they're feeling stuck or something's holding them back and they wonder what that is. So share this audio, this episode with as many women as you can and definitely reach out.<br><br>to Colleen, get ready for that single for her. I have no doubt it will be so potent and powerful. And until next time, I'm so deeply grateful for you as the audience. As you show up here for yourself in your courage, I honor you. I celebrate you. I love you so very much. Thank you. Mwah.<br><br><br></p>
