Episode Transcript
<p><!--block-->Alara Sage (00:01.533)<br>Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ecstatic Woman podcast, where we activate and inspire women in their power, in their authenticity, and in their bliss. I'm your host, Alara Sage. And my beloveds, you know, emotions is one of those things that's kind of like tied to being a woman, you know, despite whether it really is the truth or not. Women are often seen as emotional. And the truth is, is that all humans...<br><br>have an emotional aspect to ourselves. And through our society, we've kind of pushed that side of ourselves away. We've denied it. We thought that perhaps it was weak and not powerful. However, we're relearning this real truth about ourselves that deeply connects us to more of who we are and absolutely more to our power. And that's what we're here to talk about today with our wonderful guest.<br><br>Jessica Marie, Jessica Marie is a life coach and energy healer and a women's retreat host. Her purpose is in guiding others to remove ingrained beliefs and patterns that keep them stuck and help them create a life that is clear in their heart's desires. They can actualize that in to the reality. Jessica, thank you so much for being here today.<br><br>Jessica Marie (01:25.719)<br>Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited for this conversation.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:30.365)<br>And just for the fun of it for the audience, this is take two of this conversation. Jessica and I already did this. I had audio issues and the entire conversation was thrown out. So we have this set the intention. This one's going to be even better than the first one.<br><br>Jessica Marie (01:33.602)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (01:45.246)<br>Yeah, we felt the conversation was so good that we're like, we need to re-record it. And we were both on par with that. So excited to be here again.<br><br>Alara Sage (01:55.993)<br>Yes, I was so grateful that Jessica was like, yes, I'll do it. Cause I was like, that was a really powerful, very, very great conversation. So on the first one, we're going to start it off with the same way we did the first time. The question came through of what is emotional intimacy to you, Jessica?<br><br>Jessica Marie (02:15.864)<br>Hmm. You know, it's evolved over the course of my journey within myself and...<br><br>up to this moment, to me, emotional intimacy is really creating this connection within your emotions and connecting with the parts of you that seem bad, that seem untalked about, that seem dark. And when you get to connect with yourself intimately, you're forming the best relationship you can, which is within yourself. It doesn't matter who else it's around.<br><br>foundationally met within yourself. So emotional intimacy to me is meeting those parts of you and creating that space to allow all of you to be heard, seen, and met.<br><br>Alara Sage (03:05.181)<br>Hmm. We all really want that, don't we? We all really deeply desire to be heard, seen, and met. It's just a human, human core desire. You mentioned that it's evolved for you, that emotional intimacy has evolved for you. Can you speak to that a little bit? Because I think the evolution process is always really powerful to witness with somebody else. And we can perhaps see where we are in that evolutionary process.<br><br>Jessica Marie (03:33.906)<br>Yeah, you know, I started my inward journey, my healing journey back in 2020. And so I didn't necessarily know what emotional intimacy was. I just knew that there were parts of myself that were unfelt before emotions, past experiences, trauma that I've never felt before or really had the conscious awareness or the emotional.<br><br>emotional intelligence to really recognize. And so as I've deepened and softened and really went into the depths of myself, my darkness, I like to say I really recognized, oh my goodness, all parts of me need to have connection. And if we continue to dismiss the truth, we dismiss our wounds, dismiss our trauma, then we're really missing a whole part of our life. We're missing a whole part of ourselves where we are ignoring.<br><br>and avoiding and you start to see those parts of you that are unmet, that are unfelt start to play out in toxicity and relationships and belief systems and situations where you're starting to say, why is this happening for me? And when you start to look within yourself, you start to recognize that it's you. It's you who has not yet created that sense of awareness.<br><br>intimacy has expanded its definition because the more parts of myself that I meet, the more I feel wholesome, authentic, and self-expressed. And to me that's where we find our power is not dismissing and avoiding those parts of us but actually creating wholeness. That's really what wholeness is. I think collectively we all want wholeness but truly do we know the definition of what that actually means? Because that means all of you, the shadows, the darkness, the<br><br>Yes, I accept all of me and to me that's what emotional intimacy is.<br><br>Alara Sage (05:37.493)<br>Mm. So delicious. And why do you think that we ignore, deny, reject, or perhaps even just aren't aware of these parts of ourselves that you're calling...<br><br>Also darkness, but I think that wasn't what you just were just simply applying it to. But these parts of ourselves that were, yeah, rejecting and not connecting to and not meeting. Why do you think that is?<br><br>Jessica Marie (06:13.858)<br>From my experience in working with the clients that I have, I feel that it's all conditioning. We grew up in a society that we're still un-patterning, that emotions are bad, we have to be strong, crying is weak, and we have to suppress our feminine. We have to suppress the masculine, right? So for me, I believe that it's just a deeply ingrained,<br><br>Jessica Marie (06:44.272)<br>that we can't feel those things or life is just gonna be okay if we don't feel those things we sleep those things under the rug we don't deal with them we don't feel safe within ourselves and we're now starting to recognize that nervous system regulation is also a big part of healing so I feel that people don't have the tools they don't have the knowledge they don't have the education and they don't have the supportive spaces to actually give themselves permission<br><br>to already feel what they feel. So they mute themselves, they shut down.<br><br>Alara Sage (07:18.401)<br>Yeah, and when we do that, we don't process the energy, right? It sits in our nervous system. That trauma sits in our nervous system. And maybe that's something that a lot of people don't realize. I was speaking to a friend the other day when she was talking about some childhood trauma that's quite intense. I'm not going to bring the story in so much, but she went back to a memory, and it was a very intense traumatic experience that her parents were aware of. And nobody spoke to her about it as a child.<br><br>even though they were aware of it. They just denied it, ignored it, you know, because it's challenging sometimes to speak about these things. It's challenging sometimes to acknowledge that they even exist. However, because she never was spoken to, she didn't know how to process it in her body. And here she is practically 50 years later, just now processing that trauma that like you said has been in<br><br>in her body creating her reality through, right? Creating further traumatic experiences, toxic relationships. Absolutely. She can't even get a partner. She hasn't had a good partner, a good intimate relationship her whole life because of this trauma. I mean, that's really, that's really intact. Like that speaks so strongly to the importance of this.<br><br>Jessica Marie (08:28.664)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Jessica Marie (08:36.749)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (08:43.71)<br>Yeah. And I feel that a lot of people know this, but are they ready to fully address it? I don't know. And I.<br><br>believe that it's not necessarily that, I think it's twofold. I think there are some people that aren't ready to fully go into those experiences because they feel it's so unknown, it's unfamiliar, and they don't wanna cross those waters. But I also feel like, again, there's not a lot of education, there's not a lot of supportive resources to really give yourself the space to feel those unmet needs, those childhood wounds. And to your point, it's just another example<br><br>what it looks like when we don't really fully heal. And it's not to say we need to heal tomorrow, and we need to create this depth of intimacy today. However, when we can get on board with what's actually happening in our nervous system, what's actually happening in our bodies and our psyche, we can start to see how powerful it is to do the work necessary.<br><br>to heal and create the reality that we really want to have, the desires, the needs met, the authenticity, the self-expression, the full embodiment of what we truly crave. I believe everyone has this identity of self that they're really striving towards, but.<br><br>they're just afraid to really go after it because they just don't have the tools or they allow the fear to overwhelm them. So I think the best thing that we can do collectively is create more resources, create more conversations like this to create normalcy around actually doing the work within ourselves to be the best versions of ourselves because that's where it starts in our heart within.<br><br>Alara Sage (10:24.805)<br>Yes. Yeah. And, you know, I think a lot of times like you use the word work. And I really love to have this conversation because people are like, well, it takes so much work. And the interesting thing is, is just as your bio speaks to you, you know, you help people to remove ingrained patterns and those patterns actually take more work than really the realization of self and ultimately the actualization of our divinity. Right. Because<br><br>Once we actually start down that path, it starts to open up quite profoundly and it becomes more easeful and more easeful. Life is meant to be challenging. On all honesty, we would be bored AF if it wasn't challenging. And our challenges are meant to teach us, right? So it's not meant to just be a walk in the park, but challenges don't need to be suffering, right? Challenges don't need to be struggle. There's difference between coming at a challenge like, okay, I can see this. I'm ready. And I'm going to take myself through this versus like,<br><br>Jessica Marie (11:06.374)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (11:14.848)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (11:24.421)<br>Oh, this is so hard. Why is my life like this? I don't want to be experiencing this. Why does this keep happening? Right? Well, we're creating our life from those ingrained patterns and beliefs that, that you speak to and you work with. And so I just want the audience to understand that, you know, we talk about the work, like do the work. It's really a lot less work when you start down the path and when it<br><br>Jessica Marie (11:28.532)<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (11:52.497)<br>it might initially think of, yes, you have to change who you are. You need to change your habits. But, you know, habits can actually be changed pretty quickly. And then once you get in the habit of being a new person, it becomes easier and easier and easier, but truly what is the most life sucking? And this is honestly the truth is to not be who you truly are. That takes the most amount of effort and work ever.<br><br>Jessica Marie (12:21.106)<br>Yeah, and to share, I felt that. The last relationship that I was in, I started doing this work alongside myself with my mentor, and I was in a relationship at the time, and I was evolving and changing and growing so rapidly that the relationship kinda was like stagnant, and the person I was dating wasn't really shifting, and I was in this.<br><br>internal battle, which if I'm really transparent, I was battling anxiety every single day for years and I didn't recognize it. I was compartmentalizing it actually. And so and I can speak to that truthfully now that I've moved through it and I've created a new relationship around it. However, with what you're saying, I can speak volumes on how hard it was<br><br>Jessica Marie (13:13.616)<br>and engulfed in anxiety and call it normal until I finally had the courage to end the relationship and it was like I broke free. And yes, that was really hard to actually end something that was my deepest fear of being abandoned and being alone forever. However, it gave me so much strength and actually confidence over this last year to really be who I am. And I look back, oh my gosh, almost a year ago, it happened and I look at it.<br><br>and I say, yes, that was a hard conversation, but wow, I faced my fear, and wow, how much more freedom I get to have within myself. And I haven't publicly shared this, but we've actually started creating a friendship together, which is actually creating a brand new relationship. And it is the most authentic, vulnerable, intimate experience I've ever had with somebody. And the best part is he's thanked me every day for ending that relationship, so he gets to do the work on it.<br><br>himself and it just gives me so many tingles because there is so much power and I can say that from my lived experience. It takes so much more work to be inauthentic, to be muted, to hold on to what you think you need to in order to fully have those hard conversations and to fully embrace all of you because it will be so incredible when you start to see the people that are meant for you that see all of you just come into your life and my relationships are deeper.<br><br>I feel more authentic, I'm more expressed online. It is just tenfold of the benefits that I am feeling now from fully saying yes to that part of me. I just had to share that story because I just felt it was so resonant and I just thank myself every day for doing the hard thing. Beautiful.<br><br>Alara Sage (14:55.039)<br>Mmm.<br><br>Alara Sage (15:01.857)<br>Yes. Oh my gosh, I feel that. I feel that in my heart and in your heart and my body. My whole body is just lit up with just the truth of what you're speaking to. And I can literally feel the transformation and how beautifully you just spoke to emotional intimacy. So you spoke to a deep fear, a deep fear of abandonment. And these fears are going on in our subconscious mind. And they're controlling our life. If we're not.<br><br>willing to face them. And so let's, because like what you're expressing is how you faced your fear. You basically, you know, met yourself, met the part of you that was like, Oh, no, no. Are you joking? We're going to be abandoned for our life. Right. And you met yourself there and walked yourself through this process. And as like the epitome of emotional intimacy and where you are now and<br><br>Just like the beauty of how not only does that translate our life, but I love how you're speaking to your ex because it translates everybody's life that is a part of our life. It translates everybody's life that we come in contact with. It is not only self-serving, right? This is, we are all connected. And when we take these leaps of faith and we do the work from our heart, it is a benefit of all of humanity. And so what I want to ask you is.<br><br>to talk about the emotional intimacy, let's come back to that fear. And you said you'd been living with anxiety all your life. What was it like to face that fear for yourself?<br><br>Jessica Marie (16:38.838)<br>And so, you know, just to clarify, I haven't been living with anxiety all my life. I feel when I started...<br><br>Alara Sage (16:46.491)<br>Oh, sorry. Apologies.<br><br>Jessica Marie (16:47.218)<br>That's okay. When I started actually feeling anxiety, it was probably when I started doing this work because I'm like, oh my gosh, this is the first time I've ever felt anxiety. And I was like, whoa, this is a weird feeling. And I started recognizing, oh, it's actually anxiety is just a signal in our body that something's off. And so in the relationship that I was in for three years, the last probably six months or so, I was...<br><br>living every day with anxiety, that I was completely compartmentalizing and dismissing for specifics. And so repeat your question because I caught off on a...<br><br>Alara Sage (17:25.737)<br>just what the process was of facing that fear.<br><br>Jessica Marie (17:28.234)<br>Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Oh, so first it was acknowledging it.<br><br>which was really hard for me at the time because in 2022 was really when I started to kind of see different subtleties in the growth in my relationship, the conversations, and also just being more exposed to other dynamics in relationships and I started creating this comparison where I was like they have this, I don't have this, do I have to settle for never getting that? And I was like oh<br><br>whoa. So I think having the resources and exposure to other ways people were experiencing the relationship specifically started to give me this moment of reflection. And so it was probably the last few months before like leading up to the breakup where I was really in shambles of like what should I do and it was eating me up every day and it was like okay<br><br>this is something I need clarity on. And so I've been exploring psilocybin for probably on and off for three years. And so I felt really called to do a ceremony, not just for the clarity of my relationship, but also within myself, within my business. I was in like a identity crisis in a sense. So when I was in the ceremony,<br><br>It was interesting, I got a lot of thoughts and I got a lot of downloads, which mostly actually was like, this needs to be reconciled because there's work to be done in the future with both of you. And so at first I was like, oh my God, yes, like we're meant to be, this is it. And then it was like when that honeymoon feeling started to fade, it was like, well, we're right back to the problems, we're right back to this and that. And so I had to really face the fear of being alone forever,<br><br>Jessica Marie (19:31.312)<br>Ironically, was really the first part of dropping into my ceremony was like, you're alone forever, feel it, be with it, that's it. And so once that fear actually started to alchemize and like heal, like I don't feel that anymore gratefully, I started to feel more courage to have that hard conversation which potentially would have ended the relationship. And so...<br><br>coming back to specifically facing that fear of abandonment, I had to really sit with it. And what I share with my clients and the processes I do with my clients is giving them an opportunity to really face their fear by feeling it and saying, feel that like this is forever. How does that feel? Because...<br><br>when we actually give ourselves the space to really sit in, oh my goodness, like this is it, like I'm here forever, quotation marks, it allows the intensity to rise within ourselves and then it starts to dissipate. And then once it starts to dissipate, you can regulate yourself. And with the assistance of our sacred plants, I really felt that it was a bypassing<br><br>feel it, be okay with it because once you're in those experiences you have to sit with them until they move through your whole body and so is this sense of surrender of okay I'm alone forever I'm abandoned I'm rejected.<br><br>be with it. And then I started to create this sense of, okay, like I'm okay. And then I moved into other different experiences through that ceremony. And so coming out of that, I looked at that as an opportunity where it's like, I survived it, I moved through it, and I was okay with it. And so it really started to help create this new paradigm for myself that I don't have to people please, I don't have to be codependent on other people's expectations of me. And that's where the, and I was purposely asking<br><br>Jessica Marie (21:27.32)<br>Like give me the hard conversations, give me the dynamics where I have to show up and I have to lead myself and not prove it but be authentic and be expressed and allow other people to potentially judge me or reject me and so the universe was like okay you asked for it here you go and then I started having more conversations with friends and my partner at the time to just really be like this is me and this is where I'm at and like I'm no longer available<br><br>for this and it was fearful. Can't say that it wasn't, however I created that emotional resiliency to say I have myself and I will make it through no matter what and that's how it's been and it's been really powerful.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:12.597)<br>Yeah, I have myself is so powerful, isn't it? Because we're the only ones that exist in our reality the entire time, right? Like no matter what, we always have ourself. And not from necessarily like we are alone, but in that context of when we learn to have our own back, then we really can step into our power because we're not afraid anymore. And<br><br>Jessica Marie (22:22.836)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (22:34.35)<br>Yeah. Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage (22:37.189)<br>I love how you talk about the fear because I teach a similar thing. And I always say to go into the fear and then ask, and then what? Okay. That's, that's, that's what I'm feeling is, and then what, and then what, and then, and you get to this point where it's like, Oh, and then I'm still fine. Oh, and then like you take yourself all the way into the deep. I've taken myself deep, deep into all my fears and then what, and what you always come to is I'll be okay.<br><br>Jessica Marie (22:44.181)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (22:52.118)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (23:02.892)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (23:03.609)<br>Even when your whole body is like triggered and feared, you're like, Oh my God, my world is falling apart and I'm still okay. I'm still okay. And then what, and then what, and you just start to dissipate the fear. And then the mind really lets go of that. Doesn't it? Let's go of it. Stops having any real control over your body. And then like you were saying, you can start to actually then apply new actions to your life. And that's such an important part of it, right? Is it.<br><br>Jessica Marie (23:16.882)<br>I'm gonna let you know.<br><br>Alara Sage (23:31.197)<br>then taking the action in a new way of being like, okay, I'm no longer afraid of that, or I'm learning to transmute that fear. I'm now going to take action to speak up and say what I need. And it's so liberating. It's so liberating to tell people like how you feel and where you're at and like the authenticity.<br><br>Jessica Marie (23:38.166)<br>Thank you.<br><br>Jessica Marie (23:47.606)<br>Yeah, I love what you said.<br><br>Jessica Marie (23:54.526)<br>and being so detached. And that is where...<br><br>Alara Sage (23:58.237)<br>Yes.<br><br>Jessica Marie (24:00.094)<br>you know, I'm still working on full detachment. And I don't mean that like, I don't have like intimate relationships, but detached of like, hey, this is my truth and this is where I'm at. And if you're, yeah, non-attachment, yeah. And so when you can get to the subtleties of non-attachment and share your truth, it is so liberating. And to me, that has been the deepest core, one of the deepest core wounds I've ever experienced. And so to, like you said, do the work<br><br>Alara Sage (24:10.025)<br>Like non-attachment, yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (24:30.108)<br>work but it's harder work to stay muted in this<br><br>Invalidation to be looked at a certain way to versus being so liberated and freed emotionally freed up to just be yourself and Trusting that there are gonna be people that come into your life that say I fucking see you and when I started just to see more evidence That that was true. It was like okay permission is here. Like let's go like let's be ourself Let's be more confident<br><br>Share our truth and just seeing more people and again not to advocate that you need Validation but damn it does feel good when people are like, thank you for sharing your truth. I see you I feel that too Thank you and having more aligned friendships and just more partnerships and all of that where they're like cool Like I also met that level of emotional intimacy with myself and it's like, oh wow<br><br>Jessica Marie (25:35.648)<br>to really allow yourself to give yourself that permission to just be all of yourself.<br><br>Alara Sage (25:41.889)<br>Yeah, I totally love that. And I think I feel like the, what you're speaking to with validation is a different validation than I need validation to be certain. It's more of the validation that creates the conviction, right? So you face your yourself, you meet yourself in the emotional intimacy, right? You work through the unresolved emotions and.<br><br>Jessica Marie (25:50.605)<br>Yes.<br><br>Jessica Marie (25:56.075)<br>Yes.<br><br>Alara Sage (26:04.825)<br>start to then take new action. Like, so the first step is meeting yourself, right? The emotional intimacy. The second step is starting to take actions in the new you. The third step is that validation, because when we say, hey, look, there it is. Hey, look, there it is. It's something I do regularly. I call out to myself how the new me is literally being reflected back to me, right? Because that's what says it's working.<br><br>It's working, I'm creating, I'm creating it, which means that you're actually resonating at that new version of yourself. So yeah, validation is huge in the process of deepening our conviction and deepening our self-trust, so that next time when we hit the next sphere, it's like, no, remember, remember we did this. Remember?<br><br>Jessica Marie (26:29.207)<br>Yes.<br><br>Jessica Marie (26:48.19)<br>Yes, I always like to tell, I always tell myself, I tell clients that you're, whatever you're feeding your mind, your mind is gonna be looking for that evidence that belief is true. So when we are trying to shift our beliefs and we're trying to shift into doing the hard things, right? And moving through fear with courage, I ask them and I ask myself too, when was the last time I felt the same way? Different contexts. Oh, well, when I did that.<br><br>Okay, that is evidence that you have done it already. So stick to that and remind yourself you've already done this. And so every time that I'm doing something new with fear, because I always believe, I believe in my lived experience, fear doesn't ever go away, it just might be more subtle, but we again find evidence that we've done it already, so we do it again. And so that has helped me significantly moving through things and exactly what you said. It's like the first step is self intimacy.<br><br>meeting yourself, giving yourself awareness, acknowledgement and processing it and then it's allowing yourself to find the validation for conviction. I love that. That's so beautiful because it is. It's like, okay, new self is here. You're getting the manifestations that you want, whether it's from a person or an experience or a thing and it's like, okay, cool. This is working. Oh, I actually feel really good with what I'm doing. So how can it not work? And then it's like that belief just starts to be repetitive over and over and then it becomes a habit.<br><br>in nature, which is really what we're striving towards unconsciously.<br><br>Alara Sage (28:19.877)<br>Yeah, and then we get to have the emotional intimacy with that new version of ourself, right? Like, what is that bringing into our life? Maybe it's bringing in the sense of freedom. Maybe it's bringing in the sense of more joy, more fulfillment, right? And then we get to have, like, emotional intimacy with those aspects of self. And I want to just kind of bring it back around because I wanted to ask this question earlier. You had mentioned, and I don't know if I'm getting the word right. I think you said, like, the darkness, right? Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (28:24.29)<br>Yes.<br><br>Jessica Marie (28:47.84)<br>Mm-hmm. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (28:49.701)<br>So this is a term I think is found often in spirituality. And I want to kind of go into it because I feel like it really sits here in this conversation of emotional intimacy. What do you mean by darkness? How do you perceive that? How would you define that?<br><br>Jessica Marie (29:06.766)<br>To me, darkness are the parts of ourselves that we don't wanna see. So whether that's an unmet need, if that's a childhood wound, if that's, it's like something we know that is there, but I don't wanna address it. For example, I've been public about this, but I had a darkness of, I had an abortion when I was 16 years old, so 15 years ago, and I, it's been in my body, it's been in my system, I never thought it was a big deal to tell partners.<br><br>even acknowledge it myself. I've told three people in my entire life at the time and I'm like, oh my gosh, like didn't realize this was taking up so much emotional real estate in my body. And so to me, that was a darkness because we don't wanna go into things that feel unknown and unmet. And I believe that I was just so fearful of what that would look like. People would judge me. I was judging myself sort of thing. And when I fully sat with that part of me that was like, yes, this happened. Yes, I chose to do it.<br><br>it's okay that I chose to do it. It took off that lid of it being dark and unknown and a shadow part of me into this beautiful luminous light. And so darkness to me, I define it as all the stuff, all the fears, all the traumas, all the parts of ourselves that we just don't want to admit to ourselves that this is we're still holding on to, we're still<br><br>challenged with and when we allow ourselves to move through the dark and alchemize it, it always turns light. And that was actually a big part of my last ceremony I did with psilocybin three months ago, and I was sitting in there and I was like, surrender, just be with it, surrender. And then it was like this aha moment of your dark always turns light, so just be okay with where you're at. And it was like<br><br>Whoa, all darkness turns light. And if we can start seeing our traumas, our wounds, our fears as darkness that's always gonna alchemize to light, then there's not much to fear of. We can turn on the light in our darkness by using tools and techniques and processes, but just having that belief that it's always gonna be light, we just have to allow ourselves to feel it. And I was like, this hits, I feel that.<br><br>Alara Sage (31:22.409)<br>Hmm. Yeah, so it's the willingness to see it, right, is when we shed light upon it. And the willingness to see it, particularly from a place of some level of acceptance, or like, OK, I'm willing to really look at this. And I love how you speak to it, because I feel like we can often think of, in humanity, we can often think of darkness as evil. And really, when we get to the core of evil, it is unresolved trauma.<br><br>Jessica Marie (31:28.226)<br>Yes.<br><br>Jessica Marie (31:35.499)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (31:44.621)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Jessica Marie (31:50.503)<br>Yeah, yeah, absolutely.<br><br>Alara Sage (31:50.913)<br>in humanity. You know, people who are acting out an evil acts are have unresolved trauma of some sort. And so when we think of it as evil, we want to push it away, right? We want to deny it. We want to lock it up. We want to get it far, far away. We want to blast it out into outer space, like anything other than near us, right? Because we have this fear of evil. But if we start to see evil as just we haven't something we haven't really<br><br>Jessica Marie (31:58.572)<br>Yep.<br><br>Jessica Marie (32:10.59)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (32:18.805)<br>processed or realized or honestly just loved, accepted within ourselves. And that's the same attribute of the skeletons in the closet, right? Then, wow, it's just like you said, it's so powerful. Like, wow, like literally every single thing can and will be brought into and revealed as light within yourself. Like that is such a powerful realization because it really makes you understand that all of these things in yourself.<br><br>Jessica Marie (32:26.135)<br>Yes. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (32:48.233)<br>that you are either aware or they're not aware. All the things that you judge about yourself, your quote unquote failures, your imperfections, all of these things can be brought into light and into really a gift for humanity.<br><br>Jessica Marie (32:59.566)<br>Mm-hmm.<br><br>Jessica Marie (33:03.646)<br>Yeah, absolutely. You said it so divinely and perfectly that when we start to see these shadow parts of ourselves, the darkness, whatever you wanna call it.<br><br>as unmet needs and as trauma and as unhealed wounds, we start to address those, we start to feel better about ourselves and then it's like our light. And you know, a lot of us, you know, I know in the spiritual context, we always say light workers and finding your light and being in your light. It's like, okay, well, you cannot be in your light if you haven't addressed your dark and as much light as you hold is going to be just as relatable to the amount of darkness you've been through.<br><br>I can always say this to myself, the deeper I can go within myself, the deeper I can go with my clients and with my friends and with my relationships.<br><br>when I start to continue doing that work, the more that I get to unravel. And so when we come right back to emotional intimacy, the more intimate you can be with yourself, the more intimate you can be with your partners. And deep down, we all want intimate relationships where we can be vulnerable, we can be seen, we can be met. And so when you start to do the work on yourself, you're giving someone else permission to do that for themselves. And then when you have those two people meet, whether it's platonic or intimate, it is like the most cherished, amazing,<br><br>dynamic that you can ever have and so it just comes right back to being okay with addressing those parts of yourself, being intimate emotionally so that you can expand outwardly.<br><br>Alara Sage (34:39.631)<br>Mmm, so delicious, so well put. And it allows us to accept others.<br><br>Jessica Marie (34:44.438)<br>Yeah, absolutely.<br><br>Alara Sage (34:46.461)<br>more powerfully and just like you said, allow us to hold that light.<br><br>Jessica Marie (34:47.895)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (34:51.289)<br>more powerfully for others. And that is something that, again, I can't speak enough to the profundity of it, because when you are able to hold that light, you affect everybody that comes into your space because of your ability to hold that container. You know, we stop the need to push people away and we stop the need to avoid situations and we lean into them. I've had several circumstances with women<br><br>Jessica Marie (35:07.51)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (35:19.633)<br>and where, and it wasn't anything other than it was just the container where there was a dispute, you know, and the first reaction was women both wanted to bail and the dispute wasn't even about me. I was just in the container. I said, Whoa, wait a second. Like guys, just pause and breathe and express how you're feeling. And it was so transformational for both of them. They leaned in rather than just screw this. I'm out of here. You know, and these were both spiritually awake<br><br>Jessica Marie (35:29.156)<br>Hmm.<br><br>Jessica Marie (35:44.65)<br>and checking them. Yep.<br><br>Alara Sage (35:49.257)<br>But the power of like, no, I'm going to lean into this space and how that transformed both of them. That just happens over and over and over again. And I'm sure you've experienced the same thing. And again, like the beautiful experience you have with your ex-partner and how he's transforming. And like, it just doesn't end the ripple effect.<br><br>Jessica Marie (36:09.243)<br>Yeah.<br><br>It really doesn't. And it's just so beautiful to be able to lean in. And of course, you do need to committed people that want to lean in, but at least for yourself, if you are wholeheartedly acknowledging, honoring, accepting what you truly feel, what you want, and not settling, you will find the most amazing opportunities, experiences, people that can meet you there. And I used to be a skeptic. I used to be someone that was<br><br>you know, just not settling, but like, you always have to compromise in a relationship and you're not always gonna get your needs met and you're not always gonna be this and that and the other. And then I started to, again, be around other dynamics and seeing other people in their relationships and saying, mm.<br><br>I'm questioning my belief now. I'm questioning if I can't have it all. And yes, yes and. And so when I started to see more evidence of that, I started to open myself up to my truth, really giving myself the permission to actually be okay with my truth instead of trying to belittle myself or dissolve or mute what I actually was feeling deep down. And it was like, sometimes it does feel really good to have evidence of what we want being played out in a different dynamic or situation.<br><br>Thank you for that conviction because now I can have more permission to just want it all and it's okay to want it all it's okay to have whatever beliefs and desires that you want and It's been very beautiful to really see play out of my life and also my clients life that it's just it can always it's a yes and it's always an opportunity for us to really get true into what we want and the more work we do within ourselves or the more Excavation we do within ourselves using a different word there<br><br>Jessica Marie (37:58.57)<br>the more we get to find who we truly are. And to me, that is emotional intimacy, being able to be with all of ourselves and being able to, like you said, hold light for other people, which is so impactful for conflict, for dynamics, for relationships, for business, everything, we need that.<br><br>Alara Sage (38:19.201)<br>Yes. And I also feel like a lot what you're speaking to, you know, emotional intimacy is yes, it's facing our darkness and those unmet trauma. And then just as you said, it's also facing our unmet desires, right? Which is huge because, you know, even my parents, my mom, you know, she had a lot of unmet desires. And of course my parents' parents, you know, desires were like off the table.<br><br>Jessica Marie (38:33.995)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (38:48.305)<br>Right? Like it was just not a time of humanity where you could be like, oh, this is what my heart desires and I'm going to actualize it. And so through the generations, it's been like, no, no. That's not what you do. You do what makes sense. You get the job, you get the thing that makes logical sense. And we're no longer in that energy. We are now in a time, especially as we're coming into Pluto and Aquarius on January 20th, where we get to say yes to what we really.<br><br>Jessica Marie (39:02.466)<br>Yep.<br><br>Jessica Marie (39:06.166)<br>Right.<br><br>Alara Sage (39:17.801)<br>really, really want. And for many of us, we just, as you said, you were giving yourself permission. We just haven't really done that our whole lives. So it is about meeting a lot of people that I speak to. They don't even know what they want. Like when you ask, what do you truly want? They're like, well, I'm not really sure. Right. That's not because they don't know it's because they haven't met themselves at that space. Right. They've<br><br>Jessica Marie (39:31.682)<br>Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (39:41.349)<br>that part of themselves down on some level, and they have to come back in and be like, where are you? Where is the part of me that has those desires? Because we all have them. And so I just wanted to, you're speaking to it, and I wanted to point it out really beautifully how, yes, it is our darkness, it is our trauma, and it's our desires, which are our genius, right? Which is the light, the gifts, the talents, everything that we are meant to bring to this world as our gift to humanity. So it has both<br><br>beautiful duality, both polarizations to it. Jessica, do you have... Okay. Uh-huh. Good.<br><br>Jessica Marie (40:14.39)<br>Yeah, and just to, oh no, I was just going to just add a little bit to that is what I've learned in my experiences too is that you're on a threshold. You're on a...<br><br>you're on a baseline where it's like there's only so much pleasure desire you can actually hold right now in your body, in your mindset, and also so much discomfort. So again, coming right back to the same theme we've been talking about, your dark transmutes into light, the more you can go within yourself, the deepness, the trauma, the healing, the more that you access those desires. And again, that's with me. I was right there with you. I was like, I don't know what I want. And then when I started doing this deeper work,<br><br>on myself, I was like, oh, now I'm getting more clear of what I want, I'm giving myself more opportunity to see it and dig it up, like you were saying. So I just wanted to add that to what you were saying, because the more that we do within ourselves, the more that is available.<br><br>Alara Sage (41:12.361)<br>Yeah, and it's really, I love how you say that. And it is like the more capacity we have to our darkness, the more capacity we have to pleasure and bliss. That is absolutely true. I have personally experienced that. I was very numb. I didn't experience really those energies at all. And through my process now, wow, the amount of pleasure and bliss that I experience is absolutely, I mean, I don't even know if tenfold is enough, you know, is how much more I can experience those energies.<br><br>Do you have, Jessica, an insight or a tip for people? Maybe they know this and they understand these concepts, but how do you recommend people begin this journey? Do you have a tip for people to begin the journey of emotional intimacy?<br><br>Jessica Marie (41:59.71)<br>Yeah, the biggest thing is...<br><br>creating the awareness of where you're feeling less than in your life, I would say ultimately is where you can start or where do you want more or what do you want to adjust in your life or any specific area and that's where you can start to create this sense of where am I truly not happy and if I can get on board and I don't mean start shifting your life but just being okay with like<br><br>Jessica Marie (42:32.58)<br>with that, be with that, not rejected, but just be with it and see what can start to alchemize or transpire from just starting to accept what you truly feel. And then it's like you can start doing self-inquiry through journaling, brain dumping, and that will just, if you're on that path, that will just start to unravel and unfold itself to really start to reveal what needs to be done to create more connection because I also feel<br><br>Jessica Marie (43:03.)<br>sense of acceptance for what we feel and not dismissing it, not judging ourselves of like, I don't like this part of my life right now. I don't feel called to change it right now, but I just want to admit that I don't feel really good about it. And that will start to just reveal itself because you're creating a sense of trust of like, oh I can actually be honest with myself. And that is emotional intimacy and I guarantee it'll start to unravel with the next steps forward to maybe take action when you feel ready.<br><br>Alara Sage (43:31.061)<br>Hmm. I love that because oftentimes acknowledging what we don't want is really powerful when we don't know what we do want, right? Like okay, I don't really want this great. Like I'm acknowledging this isn't what I want. That's why I should open the door To okay. Well, then what do I want?<br><br>Jessica Marie (43:37.846)<br>Yes, absolutely.<br><br>Jessica Marie (43:47.178)<br>Yeah. Absolutely.<br><br>Alara Sage (43:49.781)<br>beautiful.<br><br>Jessica, how can people connect to you, reach out to you?<br><br>Jessica Marie (43:55.67)<br>Yeah, I am mostly hanging out on Instagram at Jessica Marie Step. I'm mostly there sharing stories, insights, all the cool things I'm up to. And yeah, just finding new ways to express myself authentically has been the best. So you can hang out with me and connect with me there.<br><br>Alara Sage (44:17.257)<br>Beautiful. And then I presume you work one on one with people. Do you have group programs? Programs? What do you offer there? Retreats, obviously.<br><br>Jessica Marie (44:24.726)<br>Yeah, so right now.<br><br>Yes, yes, actually exciting. The next retreat that I'm gonna be hosting is gonna be in Sedona, Arizona, on April 5th through the 8th, and that is gonna be launching all the details tomorrow. So getting on my newsletter or again, coming back to Instagram will be the best way to connect there, and then I am opening a few spots for one-on-one coaching, and that is just an opportunity to go deeper within your business goals, within your personal goals,<br><br>clear-cutting emotional intimacy, creating the desires, giving yourself that permission. And lastly, I have my inner leader mastermind meant for people who are looking to expand into their purpose, shift their business, or create a business online. Becoming the inner leader, because we can't do, we can't have the outer without the inner work, and that's my big methodology there. And so that's gonna be relaunching in March. Yeah.<br><br>Alara Sage (45:24.233)<br>Beautiful. Excellent, excellent. Thank you so much for being here. I think this was just as delicious, if not more, than the first time around. You're such a wonderful person to talk to, and I really enjoyed it.<br><br>Jessica Marie (45:31.53)<br>Yeah, I loved the conversation. It was amazing.<br><br>Jessica Marie (45:40.514)<br>Thank you.<br><br>Alara Sage (45:43.417)<br>And so fellow ecstatics, I think, yeah, perhaps now you have a little bit more awareness of this very, very important topic. And just really, I can't emphasize enough how important this is going to be in the coming years. As our reality begins to radically shift, our reality is going to radically shift in very, very unknown ways. And that's not to be fearful, right?<br><br>But it is going to happen. Knowing ourselves intimately on emotional level is what is going to anchor you into your life and into your process so that you can move through changes with flow instead of rigidity. So I highly recommend you listen to this episode again. Reach out to Jessica. Check her out on Instagram and share this episode. As always, I love you all so very much. Until next time.<br><br>Alara Sage (46:43.837)<br>Yay! I feel<br><br>Jessica Marie (46:45.986)<br>That was awesome.<br><br><br></p>
