Navigating Intimacy: Tools for Deepening Connection and Pleasure

Alara Sage (00:01.659) Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the ecstatic woman podcast where we activate and inspire women in their power, in their authenticity, and in their bliss. I'm your host, Alara Sage. One of the things I'm always talking to people about, including my young children, I talk a lot about communication, communication. Without communication, there can be so much confusion. And particularly when we're talking about intimacy, getting connected closer with our loved ones, with our partners, open communication, the ability to express what we need, what we like, what we don't like, how we feel is imperative. And our guest today is going to take us on a deep dive through this conversation. Kim Coffin is a certified trauma-informed somatic empowerment and sexuality coach. She's a best-selling author and teacher, and she's also the founder of Get Your Sexy Back podcast, which I've been a guest on, and it was absolutely delightful. She focuses on sexuality, tantric sex, relationship transformation, and she gives you the tools to unlock profound levels of self-love, pleasure, and empowerment. Kim, my love, thank you so much for being here with me today. Kim Coffin (01:19.266) Thank you so, so much. I'm so honored to be here with you. Alara Sage (01:22.543) We've had so many good collaborations in the past. It's always a joy to spend time with you. Kim Coffin (01:27.33) We have, yes, I'm looking forward to this. Alara Sage (01:30.615) So open communication, what does that mean to you? Kim Coffin (01:34.946) Hmm. What does open communication mean to me? Such a good question. Yeah, I work with this in myself, but with myself, but I also work with this also with my clients. And I'm going to take it back to myself first, because I think that's the most important of how I've embodied it and learned it and so forth. And that is speaking my truth. That is asking for what I want. That is saying something that I need even if I don't think my partner is going to want to give it even if they don't want to give it. It's still asking for what I need. I think a lot of the times we get stuck in our heads about, oh I shouldn't ask for that. They're not going to want to do that. And actually most of the time, 99% of the time we're quite surprised and they're actually thrilled to give us what we need, what we want. So I think a lot of the times heads getting in the way of stopping us from actually, especially as women asking for what we want and need. And when we do open the lines of communication, there's so much deliciousness available there. So much more intimacy. Sometimes people think of intimacy of, you know, sex and sexuality and sure it can be, but there can also be this deeper intimacy that comes with communication with transparent, vulnerable. open throw it all on the table. I have nothing to lose here kind of communication, which I have been practicing huge big time in the last six, eight months has been really, really fun to play with. Alara Sage (03:07.895) I love that you bring in the intimacy with the communication because it really does. This is something I've been with my partner now. I think we're going on like four years or both like what just happened for years? And we've really cultivated open communication. And it really has created intimacy because we both feel totally available to say whatever we need to say. And we also know how to call each other out. Like it was even yesterday. He said something and I can't even remember what it was, but I responded in some way. He's like, I just needed you to receive that. I'm like, oh, you're right. Totally. Okay. I receive it, you know, and so not only did he feel safe to express whatever that was initially, I wish I had more depth to the story. Kim Coffin (03:50.71) That is exactly it. Alara Sage (03:53.143) But, you know, he also felt safe to like call me out on like, hey, like, I just need to express this. And I immediately was like, oh my gosh, you're totally right. I'll give you that space. And just the beauty of that feeling of, I mean, it really feels open to me, like open to me. It feels open in the body. It feels open in the space, right? It feels like there's availability between the two of you. And it's really cool. liberating. Kim Coffin (04:23.346) It really is. And to show up as your true, authentic self with all your wants, desires and needs and to know that no matter what, you're going to be respected and honored and cherished on the other side, even if they're not going to meet them is just like huge because I think there has to be this deep, deep safety one in our own bodies first to be able to show up in this way. And then to this safety. in the relationship, the safety in who you're with and trusting that they are going to receive you in whichever way you need. And if they don't, just like your partner noticed, that they will also or we will also speak up and say, okay, actually, I need something else. Alara Sage (05:04.951) Yes. And how, when we learn to do that, we create more and more safety. We create more and more trust. And even in the context, yeah, of like, hey, I didn't feel received there. You know, like, can we try again? Ha ha. And let's take it. Kim Coffin (05:05.87) That's okay. Kim Coffin (05:12.254) We do. Every single time. Kim Coffin (05:23.436) Yep. Kim Coffin (05:30.622) My apologies. New house. New weird animals around. Alara Sage (05:36.219) We can always edit that part out. Kim Coffin (05:49.95) I don't know, mailman? There's nothing out there so I don't know what he's barking at. Alara Sage (05:52.807) No worries. So taking it back to or into the sexuality side, because hey, you're a sexuality coach. This is a great time to take it to the bedroom. Where do you see open communication really being of importance in that place? Kim Coffin (06:09.206) Hmm. I see it everywhere. I was kind of a common saying I say is how you're showing up in the bedroom is how you're showing up in your life. So if you're not speaking your boundaries and your truth and so forth in the kitchen or at work or in your career, you're not speaking them in the bedroom either. Right. So it's definitely and vice versa. If you learn how to voice what you want and what you desire and what feels good and what doesn't and hate pause, I need a pee break or whatever that may be. you are also going to learn how to do them elsewhere, in the boardroom, in the kitchen, all these other places. So I think for a lot of women, we don't speak our truth. We're very, very used to people pleasing without even knowing we're people pleasing. We're just like, oh, whatever you want. When we actually haven't... If you ask people, women specifically, they might say, oh, well, I don't care. But that's the point. They actually haven't slowed it down even back further to find out what they want. They don't know. And I see the exact same with men. I work with men and couples as well. And even my partner currently is like, what do you need? What do you want? And he's like, I've never been asked this before. In 25 years of other relationships, he's never been asked. What do you need? What do you want? And it is so beautiful to have him in the beginning go, what do you mean? And now slowly come into, well, let me think about that. What do I want? And what if it's not what you want? I'm like, it's okay. Right? Like that's the whole point. You still get to voice what you need and what you want, even if your partner is not going to meet it. even if they can't meet it, even if they're not ready to meet it, or maybe it's not right now. What was your question? I went on a side tangent. Okay. Alara Sage (07:59.907) No, that was perfect. Yeah, we were talking about open communication in the bedroom. That was perfect. And I think it's so beautiful when we go through these processes of, just like you said, we really realize that the person does care, even if they can't meet it. I really love how you're saying that, because they do care. I find that men, both my own personal man and people that I work with, their partners, desire so much. They want to know what the woman wants. Like, please just tell me so that I know what you want. And I don't have to do the guessing game of what you want and then get it wrong and feel your disappointment and be lost and confused, right? Just tell me. Like, as soon as they tell them, they are just like, oh my God, they light up, right? Kim Coffin (08:29.594) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kim Coffin (08:43.144) Yeah. Kim Coffin (08:48.158) Absolutely. And I hear this from so many men, so many men, even my partner, he's like, we have no clue what we want. And we have no clue what you want. So we're really kind of going in the dark here. And we have great conversations about this. And it's like, yeah, you're now we're not anymore, right? Like, let's practice. Let's invite each other in to speaking our truth. What does if it's in the bedroom? What does feel good? Has it changed? Like for women, if we're specifically experiencing pleasure, a certain stroke isn't gonna feel good after a minute. It's gonna numb out in that area, right? Like we actually need it to change and ebb and flow and come around our whole body. And men are just like blindly guessing here and then women won't say anything. Generally in long-term relationships, then resentment will build. They won't be enjoying sex. They won't be connecting with sex in sexual ways. And then they're losing intimacy and they're losing bonding time and they're losing connection time. And a lot of it is going to come back to how are you communicating? How can we open these lines of communication? How can we create safety in one, your own body first to find your truth? And two, can you create safety in your relationship to speak your truth so that we don't go down that rabbit hole of disconnection and hey even if you have gone down that rabbit hole of disconnection you can still bring it back. We simply need to reopen those lines of communication again and find out what each other wants without projecting, without feeling triggered and charged, without judging each other, without any of that instead creating that safety, creating that trust, creating that space where it's safe to be our true authentic selves. And it's, oh my gosh, it's so amazing. It is so rewarding. Blows me away. Alara Sage (10:44.711) Yeah. For myself, I've really experienced a lot with regards to taking things personal, right? For my own person, I used to take things very personal, and I've found that a lot with the men in my life, not just my current partner. And so opening up conversation outside of those experiences to set the foundation of, hey, I would really like to say things in the moment and trust that you know. that you're not going to take it personally. Or if you do, you recognize that you're taking it personally and I'm not pointing it at you. Like I'm telling you what I need or what I want. I find that to be really helpful because in the moment, you know, men can be, they can really have a lot of their identity and their pride associated with how they please a woman. And so when we're saying, oh, even if we say it nicely and you know, really like let's throw out the being nice about it and let's just be able to like say it directly. Right? Um, and be able to say, Oh, can you do something different or can you shift into that, you know, or can you stop doing that or, uh, I need something else or I'm not enjoying that. Right. And trust that they're going to be able to be like, okay, I hear you. I receive you realizing it's not about them, right? It's not about them and their performance and whether they're good at performing sexual. Kim Coffin (11:49.431) Yup, yup. Alara Sage (12:08.043) intimacy and sexual acts. And I think that's a really important conversation to have. What has been your experience with the partners, excuse me, the couples that you help and assist? Kim Coffin (12:19.774) Absolutely, there's been a ton there. It's two seconds, he's being a shit. You, there's nothing out there. It's like two feet of snow, go lie down. We're a major snowstorm, there's literally nothing out there but snow. So my, and just to reframe that question, what has been my experience in men also not knowing how to respond and react and how to communicate that way? Yeah, first we have to drop some of those resentments if it's built up over time, because that is a sticky hard part that if that resentment's still there, we keep almost subconsciously projecting it, like vomiting on them every time with every statement, right? So we need to find some ways to start talking about what we fear, what we desire. That's actually one of my favorite, favorite tools is a fears, loves and desires practice to actually sit and spend a few minutes. and each take turns of what do you desire, what do you desire, and you just are witnessing and holding space for each other. And then you can come back to what do you fear. Same thing, you're each taking turns, what do you fear, what do you fear? Oh my gosh, I'm gonna kill him. He was silent for the last three hours, of course, it's just now he's being a total shit. Total new home Airbnb, we get what we get, unfortunately. I might have to put him on my lap, we'll see. And then the last part of that is what do you love about me? And this one can be really, really beautiful. And again, it's just starting to break down some of those walls of resentment that have built up over time. And if you don't have those walls of resentment, yay, celebrating you still do this practice like this is something that I still bring my partner and I back to at least once a week, whether we do it in a full set container with a timer or whether we just do it casually. It's a beautiful way to recap what's going on and understand because it's, it's lowering those walls and it's increasing the bonding and it's increasing the intimacy and it's increasing the connection. It's a great time to actually do it even after sex too, is to do a recap and see what did you like? What didn't you like? What are you surprised about? How did that work? You know, all those different stuff. These are actually tantric practices that I incorporate in with my tantric couples coaching and so forth. And of course, Kim Coffin (14:43.688) what I live and breathe and my partner per se has never heard of Tantra before he met me. So you know in about five and a half months at this point you know he's come along beautifully in playing with these tools like it feels natural and comfortable to him using these to see. Now there's some other tips and tools because you're right men don't know. what they're doing generally when they're pleasuring their women, unless they've been told by a specific partner. And women also don't know what they want. So if you're there and you actually don't know what you want and they don't know what you want and you're just really butting heads and not matching up in the bedroom. First, I invite women to learn what they want. What does feel good? And it's not about the orgasms. It's about slowing down in our body and simply following pleasure. What feels good? What kind of touch feels good? Where do you want to be touched? Starting from the tip of your, you know, top of your head, I guess, down to the tip of your toes, like really slowing down and following your pleasure in your body. First, we can do that. And then we're in a much better place to start. feeling safe in our own body to feel pleasure. And then when our partner starts to touch us, we can start to also feel pleasure. That one's super, super powerful. And then we can go into playing with other tantric practices and tantric massage, like pussy and penis massage, playing with breath work, playing with pleasure practices, hot and cold games, there's so much we can play with, but we need to learn as women what we want first, and then we need to start voicing it and allowing our partners to meet us there. And taking away the shame, like taking away the shame, the embarrassment and asking for what we want in our fluids and our smells and our shapes and sizes. All of this is so, so important as well. Kim Coffin (16:36.426) There's so many pieces. One other really key piece that I find is really important is men are tactile. So showing them, you know, instead of telling them what you want, can you show them on the back of their hand the pressure you want at that moment? Can you allow them to feel it themselves by you touching them? And most of the time they're going to be very receptive. They're going to be like, oh, okay, that's a helpful one. Alara Sage (17:01.583) Wow, I love that advice. That's wonderful. I think that really helps them really comprehend what you're saying. And I also love the, I'm a big one of talking about it after sex. And we talk now with my current, we have complete open communication, but I just naturally am that way where afterwards I always like revisit the things and talk about what I really liked. And, you know, and kind of sometimes we'll even call out just for fun, like, okay, kind of got weird at that point, didn't it? But then we like re realign and went the other direction, you know, because we're really in that open communication and we can do that from a place of love. And then and then I really enjoy hearing what part he really enjoyed and what part he really loved. And To me, it really solidifies more and more the things that we are enjoying. You get to hear what the other person really loved and it like continues that intimacy beyond just the physical act. It's more in the emotional act, you know, that feels really good and really nourishing to me whenever I do it. I practically do it every time just naturally. Kim Coffin (18:05.942) I absolutely love that. It reminds me specifically of all... something you said in there reminded me there's women are afraid to also make sounds and move a certain way and make sure they look a certain way and get stuck in this conditioning of what we've seen in movies and so forth, right? And what I have witnessed firsthand and already knew as well though is... When you drop into your full pleasure, when you are making the sounds and moving and just literally following your pleasure, your partner will be blown away and so turned on just by watching you. And we are 99% of the time the one holding back. It's us. I hate to say it, but it's us. And men are simple, they just really do want to see us in pleasure. They want to serve, they want to provide. And 99% of the time, it's us. Unfortunately. Alara Sage (19:08.839) Hmm. I love how you say that. Yes, that's so very true. And the sounds are really important to me. And I would love to hear your thoughts on this. To me. I find that the sounds go all over the board. They can be very primordial and like, blah, blah. I honestly feel like just ripping my partner apart with my teeth and I want to consume him. And then the sounds shift and they start to, as the shock derises, they start to go up higher in vibration and sometimes I'm just like high pitched screaming, but it's such a part to me of the process. And without me teaching him, he's really learned the sounds as well. And he kind of knows where I am in the process with regards to like what sound I'm making and kind of what pitch it's at too. And he's learned that like, oh, and she's making these sounds. She really likes this. When she's making these sounds, she really likes that. He's just tapped in totally. Kim Coffin (20:08.942) I love that, I love that, love that. That is so awesome. And something else that reminded me there that my partner can recognize is whether we're in having, you know, sex or a pussy massage or whatever is, I can go to a state and actually that might not even be pussy massage, like I've been able to have the most incredible nipple orgasms in the last year that have just like hit heights that. like 30 and 40 plus nipple orgasms is foreplay. Okay. Like that many, which he had never seen a woman who could even have a nipple orgasm before. And I had a few in the past, but it's really come to a peak, obviously recently, and he, you know, reflects afterwards of just. I see you go to almost this different state. It's like you've changed dimensions and he can see it. And that's me playing with my tantra. That's with me playing with my breath, with my sounding, with my pleasure, really being in my body through all of it. And he notices it and he absolutely loves it. Absolutely loves it. Alara Sage (21:14.791) Mm-hmm. Oh, yes, absolutely. And for him, again, to be a part of that, right? So delicious. So let's talk about that a little bit, like nipple orgasm. And just the, I know we're talking about open communication, but if you were to, if a woman feels like that she has access to other types of orgasm. You know, what would you recommend that she start to kind of communicate that to her partner? Like a nipple orgasm is delicious. And I just love that sensation so very much. What would you recommend that somebody starts to communicate that to their partner in order to start to go down that road? Kim Coffin (21:59.686) Yeah, if they have only, depends where they're at, right? If they've only ever had, you know, missionary sex and it's always the same way and that's it and they've never talked about anything else, we first need to start talking openly about sex. Like we don't wanna just jump to nipple orgasm, right? But most likely there's some communication and conversation been happening in there. If they've already, you know, been playing and exploring and different things are like, hey, you know, either way, it's a great time to sit down and talk about. The desires, fears, and loves, like hey, in a desires, fears, and loves practice, just verbally communicating, I desire to play with different types of orgasms. I desire to deep dive a little bit more. I desire to simply do a pleasure session for an hour where you're exploring my body and there's no goal, and vice versa. that can be a fabulous way to open that conversation. There are so many different types of orgasms available to us for female identifying humans. Of course, we have clitoral, most are aware of that. A lot of men though don't know how big the clitoris actually is, let alone sometimes even where to find the little nub, right? So the clitoris goes through our entire pelvic bowl all the way back, right? And of course the little nub. I remember my... Daughter's boyfriend was in the pool last summer and I showed them the statue at Burning Man of the Clitoris, right? It was a really cool statue. And he literally was like, what is that? I was like... We're going to have a chat. So I literally sat there in the pool with him. I was like, that is the whole clitoris. And he was like, what? My friends can't even find the little nub, let alone know there's a whole thing there, right? So that is why we need 20 minutes of penetration for a female to actually engorge all of that and to be feeling ready to be penetrated. So there's all these orgasms. We've got the clitoral, we've got more G-spot, we've got deep vaginal, we've got womb. Kim Coffin (23:56.546) We can play with nipple, breast, throat, third eye. I had a third eye orgasm last year. It was fricking out of this world. Of course then there's full body orgasms when we can blend them all. And even energetic orgasms. There's so, so much. We played with this, talking about this, I think on our Kundalini podcast. You join me. It was our take two. Let's go to Kundalini here. And that was so fun to play with together. There's so much available to us and all we have to do. is take the expectations generally of orgasm or climax off the table and simply follow our pleasure. So if we can open up the communications with our partner to educate first, right? If they don't have any, if we and them don't have any education around the different types of orgasms or how to follow our pleasure. I love tantra for that alone. Kim Coffin (24:52.938) Again, with no goal, simply following pleasure, bringing in breath, bringing in sound, bringing in movement, bringing in energy activation, and playing together is such a beautiful way to start exploring, because everybody's gonna be different. You might reach some other orgasm before you reach nipple orgasm, right? But definitely start talking. Open these lines of communication. There's different practices that I teach my people, like on revealing different things. There's... It's great when the coach is guiding them. It is great, because it's actually much easier, I've found in the past, to be guided by somebody else asking the questions than me asking the questions. Because no matter what, your partner's gonna be like, oh, where are we going here, right? Like it's a different kind of energy versus somebody going, so have you tried this? Have you tried this? Are you open to this? What feels good? Teach the different recap tools. Teach the different communication tools. Start to play together, start to dive in and make it date nights. Date nights are a great way to play with tantric practices and they don't always involve sex and they don't have to have the intention to involve sex. They can just have the intention of connecting, communicating, bonding and see where it goes. Alara Sage (26:07.287) I love how you brought it back to the practice of the desires, right? Because if like a woman wants to explore other orgasms and she expresses that desire to her partner, then they can go on that journey together, right? Just as you said, and absolutely, you know, working with a coach is always so wonderful because it also brings in a level of neutrality. Right. The coach is the neutral figure out of what I always teach is the Trinity. The coach is the neutral figure. And so it sometimes is often or I wouldn't say sometimes it's often received easier, better from the coach than from each other. Right. And so definitely working with a coach, I find brings in that neutral aspect and creates more availability for both parties to feel like this is possible or engage in it. Kim Coffin (26:28.013) Yeah. Kim Coffin (26:42.804) Mm-hmm. Alara Sage (26:56.555) in a way that feels safe for them. But I love how you talk about going back to the desires. I think it's such an important practice just in life, just as we're talking about how all of this open communication, all of this stuff is bedroom, boardroom, all parts of life. I think that following our desires, understanding our desires, willing to see our desires first and foremost, willing to admit our desires to ourselves, and then start to say, OK, I'm admitting that that's my desire. Now, how do I go about? Kim Coffin (27:19.878) Mm-hmm. Alara Sage (27:25.447) creating that in my life and that can be such a fun journey. I know for me, it's been a really fun journey to follow the breadcrumb trails of my desires both in sexual intercourse and intimacy and all of that as well as just in my life. Kim Coffin (27:41.886) Absolutely. And one thing I would say too, because it reminded me there for what you're sharing, you don't want to wait till the relationship isn't great to start playing with a coach or with Tantra. Like sure you can bring it back, but if we can cut it off at the beginning and start practicing wherever you're at, deepening your intimacy, connection, transparency, vulnerability, your relationship will be stronger for it no matter what. Most people tend to look for help when things aren't going so well. And if you can, don't wait that long. Don't wait that long. Because no matter where your relationship is at right now, you can always take it higher. Always take it higher. Alara Sage (28:26.455) Yeah, and that relationship again, it's all going to show up in other areas of our life. And so when we feel more safe in our relationship, we feel more seen, we feel more met. We feel also like we're fulfilling the other person's desires. Like we feel like there's communication. We feel like we've got each other's back, right? That's what we always say to my partner and I. Then you really feel like, OK, we're doing this together. We're taking this on together. Bring on the challenges. Like you're moving through together. Whereas if you're sitting in resentment and kind of disconnection, you feel much more alone. Right? You feel like you're taking on some of the life challenges more on your own, even though maybe you have a partner. Kim Coffin (28:44.883) Yeah. Kim Coffin (28:58.601) Mm-hmm. Alara Sage (29:02.673) And we don't want that. Honestly, we all want partnership. We all want deep intimacy and connection. We all want to feel like we've got somebody, and they've got us, and we're moving through life together. Kim Coffin (29:13.79) Yeah, and to add to that also that we feel that scene, that scene that held that known on the deepest and deepest of levels that are even possible and safe to even go there, right? Which is so beautiful. It is, it's taken me till 48 to get that, but it is so deeply incredible and amazing. to be seen and met in that way, to be your true 100% authentic self and them to be the same and to be met and seen and held right from there. It's what we all want. I think I've wanted it all my life and it's taken, you know, living and learning through different relationships to get to the point where you can have that and it's just absolutely amazing. Alara Sage (30:04.735) Yeah, again, it just feels so liberating. And I think it gives us permission more and more to do that in all aspects and in all spaces. And I think it's one of the greatest gifts that we can give each other is to feel safe, to be truly authentic with each other. Kim Coffin (30:25.009) Mm-hmm. Alara Sage (30:26.563) So how can people find you, connect to you? Kim Coffin (30:31.122) Absolutely. Thank you for asking. So nice and easy. My website pretty consistent get your sexy back dot ca for Canada Same for podcast get your sexy back Instagram as well get your sexy back with under it's actually get your sexy back coach with underscores between each name each word and Then on Facebook, it's Kim coffin. It's quite easily confirmed friend me personally. I'm friends with Alara. You can find me there and Even my private Facebook group for female identifying humans is also get your sexy back Alara Sage (31:01.959) Oh, fun. So the Facebook group, they can join that and probably get a little bit more intimate with you and learn a little bit more about you. What do you do in the Facebook group? Kim Coffin (31:11.27) Of course, of course. Yeah. The Facebook group. I'm not loving Facebook groups at the moment, to be honest. I'm going to be honest. They're like, I don't know that people are either. So it's still there for now. Um, but if you really want to get to know me more, check out the get your sexy back podcast. That's where you're really truly going to get to know me more. Yeah. And if you're wanting as well to reconnect to your body, to even discover what it is that you want. Alara Sage (31:19.783) Probably not either. They're not. Alara Sage (31:30.896) Okay. Kim Coffin (31:40.178) right now, because you're not quite sure even how to, you know, to have this conversation with your partner. The my most current kind of program that's coming out in February is my get your sexy back program. And that is like an eight week deep dive for female identifying humans to start discovering what you desire to reconnect to your body, to reconnect to your pleasure, to find grounding and regulation in your everyday life so that you can feel empowered to have these conversations, to set boundaries, to say yes, to say no. So that's the next thing that's coming up as well. So it's the Get Your Sexy Back program. And it's pretty awesome. It's pretty awesome. I ran two cohorts last fall, doing two again right now. And I just love, love these groups. Absolutely amazing. Alara Sage (32:26.447) And do you read it multiple times a year for those who listen beyond February? OK. Oh. Kim Coffin (32:30.31) don't know yet. It's a brand new program that I knew I would run now. Right? Brand new program we ran fall for the first test run and I am running now and we'll see. It might be a yearly thing. It might be a little more, might be less. We'll see. But it's regular 444 and early birds on for 222 right now. Like I've priced it like really damn good. Right? Alara Sage (32:50.703) Hot diggity doll, get something here, yeah? Ha ha ha! Kim Coffin (32:53.898) Right? I know it, they know it, and my people absolutely love it. And this is just a great way, a great way to activate your turn on to play, to reconnect, to spark those desires. And then if you want to deepen into these conversations with your partner, or if you're not even in a partnership right now, but you're wanting to call something in, it starts with you. It starts with working on you. What do you want? What do you like? What don't you like? How do we erase that sexual shame? How do we dive in and reconnect? Play with Tantra. and then take it from there. Yeah. Alara Sage (33:26.051) Yes, I love that for those who aren't in a relationship wanting to call it or maybe wanting to call it a different relationship. And they can do the three, the what do you desire, what do you fear, and what was the third one? Kim Coffin (33:31.572) Yeah. Kim Coffin (33:36.066) What do you love about me? And if you're in a new relationship, I changed it to what do you like about me in the first month. Right? Alara Sage (33:41.371) Hmm. And how you could, cause you could do that for yourself too. You could say to yourself, what do you desire? What do you fear? And you could also say, what do you love about me? I mean, so that could be a personal practice that you start to cultivate with yourself. So then when you got that man coming in, you know, you already know how to play the game. Ha ha ha. Kim Coffin (33:45.291) Absolutely. Kim Coffin (33:49.94) Ah yeah. Kim Coffin (33:55.15) Absolutely. I also offer one-on-one, well one-on-two technically, couples coaching as well. So if you want to deep dive into opening the lines of communication and deepening into connection and so forth, we can do that. We also do couples coaching for tantric practices as well. A little deeper for more advanced practitioners, more advanced people I guess, not practitioners. I'm the practitioner. Alara Sage (34:21.147) Yum, yum, yum. So much deliciousness, Kim. Thank you so much for joining us here today. Kim Coffin (34:25.946) RS. You are so, so welcome. Thank you so much for having me on. I love connecting with you. Alara Sage (34:32.519) Absolutely. So fellow ecstatics, reach out to Kim. And definitely. Join her on Instagram, and I'll have a free gift here that she's offering in the show notes. You can reach out. But even if it's, sometimes these topics are a little bit triggering. Sometimes they're a little bit like, whoa, I don't know about that. And so just notice in your body if you're feeling any triggers or you're feeling any resistance. Because the resistance is usually pointing to something, most likely some shame that we're holding or some fear that we're holding. And when we learn to kind of relax into those and move towards them, that's where we have our great expansive moments. That's where we really meet deeper levels of ourselves. We just didn't even know existed. So I highly recommend to reach out to Kim and kind of go down that rabbit hole. And what do you desire for you for your life? Yes, your relationships. Absolutely. And until next time, I love you all so very much. Kim Coffin (35:25.602) Let's play.

Navigating Intimacy: Tools for Deepening Connection and Pleasure

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